Does mumsnet reflect the 'real world' of parenting today?

[babybore]

What I mean is that the styles of parenting that are generally advocated here eg:
*Feeding on demand
*Babyled weaning
Co-sleepingAnti-structured routines
*attachment parenting
*extended breastfeeding

are often very different to the ones used by mums I meet in RL who tend to have a loose routine, wean traditionally, breastfeed until 5-9 months and only use a sling when they are out and about.

A chicken and egg scenario: are certain people drawn to mumsnet because they are interested in different types of parenting methods, or does mumsnet attract regular people who then become interested in things like BLW?

and even if we awerent we owoudl nt go onononononnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn abotu it
w ewoudl talk wedges

no, no-one I know would lecture me if I fed my kids something like a packet of crips shhhhhhhhh

am with Mrs B
and also, if you do something that not many people in RL do, or that maybe you don't admit to readily to other people, the internet is the obvious place to make contact with other people who do the same. Therefore it may appear that a large proportion of Mnetters do that thing - whereas in fact it probably just appears that way because people who do things in a more 'usual' way don't really need to discuss it.

Much of it reminds me of the frenzied talk about your kids and what to do that goes on between first time mothers with their PFB (precious first borns).

I remember having these conversations about breastfeeding, weaning etc, but to be honest by the time no 2 came along it was much more practical and less academic.

Still did all the same hippyish things though, but without the dogmatism.

ooooooooooh wedges
shame it's winter here - but OH - BOOTS! even better

I swear you wouldn't know from my posts on here that I have a 9 week old, because I come on here to ESCAPE all that! (and lurk on threads if there's anything I really need to know) . I just can't really be bothered discussing the minutae of my baby & what I do with him. is that awful?

(sssssshhh malory I can't ruin my sitting on the fence reputation)

I think that in rl you just get on with it. Unless you have a huge group of friends with babies of similar ages you aren't going to get many takers if you start conversations about funny coloured poo. Or similarly you can't really talk about school problems with someone whose only child is still learning to walk. So you just do it and hope for the best. Here you can analyse, agonise and discuss endlessly.

tbh it never occurred to me to feel gulity about certain elements of parenting before I joined Mumsnet

That's the beauty of it - if you want to agonise over the colour of your baby's poo, you can - if you want a surreal exchange about the colour of food, you can do that too. It caters for escapism or full-scale wallowing in parenting minutiae.
And since I posted that MNers are educated enough to question their HVs and family, I've remembered that the best advice I ever got was from my HV, the gist of which was "FFS woman, pull yourself together - babies cry, it's what they do, cope with it" .

I think mumsnet reflects the real word of parenting but all the things most are scared to mention to rl people, i like to think i can come on here for honest advise not advise of your mom with the it never did you any harm or hv advise which is all guidelines from people who had kids 20/30 odd years ago an have forgotten the baby stages! like when our dd is not well we co-sleep as its plain an simply easier for me than getting up an down all night! the fact that i havent got stairgate i dont want to protect my baby to the point of if we go else where thats not as protective for her she will surely injure herself! i feel i can tell my dd no an she listens an if she doesnt she gets a warning and then a smack if she still not listening, i very rarely have to smack her the threat is plenty enough! i am quite happy with my parenting ways an so is my dp!
I feel people give an honest opinion when they have the mask of a made up name! speech over!

I don't think the majority on MN do do many of those things, TBH. And I don't even think that most of them are really generally advocated here. What it does have is enough members that there are enough BLW-ers or co-sleepers or whatever to talk to one another and therefore be visible, whereas in real life you know fewer people and so those groups are less likely to impinge upon your consciousness. The rows that repeatedly break out suggest that there certainly isn't one prevailing MN orthodoxy on most of these subjects.

There's also an element of talking about this stuff on MN, as well -- I wouldn't mine betting that most mums I meet in RL don't think they know anyone who does extended breastfeeding, because I don't normally mention that DS is still nursing. But on MN it's relevant to mention it sometimes and so people are more aware of the numbers of extended breastfeeders that there are.

There is, as you suggest, an element of the attracting people who then become interested in (e.g.) BLW, though, I think -- just because these things are more visible on MN it widens your view of the range of possibilities and gives you information you wouldn't normally have had. I'd never heard of BLW before I came on here but would probably do it with my next (purely hypothetical at this point) DC.

By definition everyone here has a computer and internet connection (or very cooperative DCs and a handy Internet cafe), so that probably does slant the socioeconomic profile a bit.

Mumsnet is a place of extremes. Its like a bidding auction for the person who can be the best mother.

Then there are mothers who truly believe in what they are doing and want the rest of society to parent as they do and refuse to listen to another point of view. This is where we see other mothers being shouted down or berated for their choice.

It then breeds.

Then sadly there are a group of mothers who ma vocalise a different view, but becuase they are probably actually looking after their children instead of raising a high profile on mumsnet, their voices are overlooked. Which means the breeding of this false culture within Mumsnet continues.

I feel most of all for those mothers who read this site and think that they are a failure.

I have met many mumsnetters and only one turned out to be mumsnet incarnate.

I also think that mumsnet attracts people who simply enjoy writing as a means of communicating, especially as the vast majority of posts are reasonably well written and coherent.

Well, the things I post about on here reflect MY real world of parenting

are my experiences less valid than other people's if they don't happen to be the norm, either here or on MN?

And while there may be more co-sleepers etc on here than in real life, there certainly isn't a MAJORITY of co-sleepers or breastfeeders or similar on here, as is often suggested

Only read the first part - but agree with MN about the weathy view.

The census results showed that very very plainly.

agree with expat even, not mn!

I think there are some discussions (I'm thinking of say health and special needs) that happen on here because it brings together people who have experience of those specific topics - so say e.g. eczema whereas in your real life circle of friends, no-one may have eczema so you end up not talking about it iyswim! So in that way, it's not like real-life, it's better!

In fact, I think it was something in one of the health topics that drew me in.

That's a good point foxininsocks. Mumsnet is the only place I have found other parents with experience of Reflex Anoxic Seizure.

I don't think it's so much that Mumsnet is so different from the attitudes of other mothers (and I don't think wealth comes into it as I don't know if I can afford to fed us for the next three weeks but blw, slings and extended bf do appeal to me)

It's more that this is an internet forum. People who enjoy reading, writing and debating will naturally fit in on forums. And imho these are usually the people who will choose to educate themselves on issues which interest them.

It doesn't matter what the forum is about, where women are concerned there will always be competition and people putting others down to make themselves feel better, as well as friendships, support, and hideous bitter arguments. Sound familar?

To answer the op, I don't think I do know anyone who talks about those types of parenting in rl, no. But then most of the parents I know are older, when such information wasn't so readily available, most things were passed on from Mother to daughter, and the literature available wasn't as insightful as the stuff we have access to these days. But we're here aren't we? No-one has been scarred from not eating organic from birth, wearing disposables or drinking the 80's equivalent of fruit shoots?

Wealthy? Really? I have never got this impression. Would have thought the opposite actually! Where is the census?
I have to say I'd never heard about co-sleeping until I found MN, and I think that in many ways these topics get airplay here because they are slightly unusual and therefore interesting to discuss.

I'd also like to see the census.

I definitely agree that the average poster on MN is more educated/questioning than the average mother in RL. Surely that's why we come here? To find like minded people to question the ways of the world with, with all the safety net of anonymity to test our ideas?

I love the idea that, by discussing issues that are taboo elswhere on MN, we can eventually become so secure of arguments for a certain widely-disparaged custom (eg co-sleeping) that we gain the self-confidence to go out into the wider world and talk about it openly. This is the stuff of progress.