Always down to the woman?

[cindersrella]

My daughter is poorly.... does anyone else feel that it is down to them to always sort out childcare in the school holidays or take the time of work to look after there children if they are poorly.

I am self employed and my husband is the main earner and employed so i know it is difficult and easier for me to have the time off..

This isn't a moan it's just curiosity!

Not the case for us. DH earns a lot more than me but his work is way more family friendly and flexible.

Not the case for me. DH earns a little more than me. Both employers are flexible. If our LOs are ill we have lengthy discussions about our commitments - what we can each depriorirse at work and where we absolutely must be and try to split it 50:50. Saying that, the time my LB was quite ill for a week, I didnMt even talk to DH, I Just took the time off. Xx

Yes - when i was single and saw my friend working, looking after the kids and DH i said ill never do that. And now I'm doing it. Some ppl manage to get it more equal and fair play to them, I'm definitely not 1 of them. Tbh though when DC are sick I want to look after them myself x

Nope. I'm the slightly higher earner. When our daughter is ill we juggle 50/50 between us. He probably picks up slightly more of the slack because my job involves travel.

No, we split it 50/50- has worked well
So far

No it probably works out my DH doing a lot more at the moment as I am traveling quite a bit

If they are ill we both have some flexibility, yet he may have a bit more in his current role in practice

We earn roughly similar

My husband does more than me! Usually school holidays etc, if they're I'll I like to be home with them

We split evenly - I’m employed (understanding employee) but DH is director of his own business. In some ways it’s easier for DH to be off as he doesn’t have to seek permission from anyone but then it does have a big impact on how behind he gets at work and obviously every hour he doesn’t work is £50 down the drain. For me i have to play the work game of asking permission/working from home but it doesnt affect us in the aftermath like it does when DH is off. Hence we try and work it 50:50!!

We spilt it 50/50 where we have to. There's less pressure for us though because my mum is very local and can usually provide emergency cover.

It depends on what we are doing but we make a best effort for what makes sense although as pp said if I can I prefer to - to be fair if one of us was self employed I think it would be a lot easier to lean on that parent as no mess with managers / annual leave as long as it's not too much impact on your business.

We take turns on work days. But also taking in to account pressures like travel, big work events, our own personal sick absence, times of year). First year of LO in childcare was awful, it's been much better since then. I work part time and thankfully can give LO a couch day if they look like they are coming down with something and recently illness seems to strike on my days off.

This seems like most people are pretty even.

I definitely have to sort things out.

My husband has meeting plus coming up to month end he defiantly can't have time off.

I thought this feed would have been more of the woman sorting out than 50/50. It's quite refreshing! 😀

At the moment it falls to me all the time because DH’s current company are incredibly un-family friendly and inflexible. He has to grovel to be allowed to work from home when she has her jabs or similar. I remember when I was on maternity leave both DD and I got hand foot and mouth and I was still the one having to look after her. But when he’s sick he can just take sick leave and lie in bed all day.

Dh earns more but it's split pretty evenly, depends on the time of year and what day of the week it is too for who takes it off.

Holiday care I always organise and tell dh what days he needs to take off and if he needs to ask his mum to have ds1 for the odd day during school holidays. If one of the kids is sick we take it in turns to take time off so it’s not affecting either of our employers to much.

I'm the main earner, working full time, but this pretty much always falls to me on the days that my DH does works. He's a part time teacher and doesn't want to let the pupils down. Luckily I have an understanding employer and working from home at short notice is not a problem.

It was always me until exh and I split up and that was a bug bear of mine.Now it's me 80% if the time which is an improvement but there is still a way to go in eroding his perception that he is busy and important and therefore 'cant' not attend his meeting or whatever...it doesn't wash as well with me anymore-if I lose my job there is no fall back anymore so...

When my DS is ill or tr nursery is closed due to a bank holiday, then it's always been up to me to take the time off.
I am split from his father, and DS lives with me, but I used to always be of the opinion that still occasionally he could arrange time off so we can share these days.
Even when my ex was out of work for 6 months though, he'd come up with a reason why he couldn't help out when DS had to stay off nursery, and now his job allows him so many paid sick/family emergency days each year, whereas I don't get paid if I'm not in, but when I pointed this out to him back in January as DS was off for almost 2 weeks with flu, he told me he didn't want to use any of his days so early in the year in case he gets ill himself and doesn't have many left himself later in the year

I get so infuriated with him though, because whilst I'll mostly ask him to help, sometimes I can't be bothered to hear his excuses so just leave it, then when ex finds out I've been off with DS, he says "you should have called me, I'd have took some time off so you didn't have to lose so many days pay", but he has NEVER said yes when I've asked him

Not in our house. DH SAHD at present and even when we both worked it was pretty much equal.

We have allocated days we are responsible for, so e.g. if DS is poorly on a Tuesday I will take the day off. Obviously we might occasionally have to change this for important meetings etc but this is the default position. It makes it easier as the child minder knows who to contact for pick up.

It absolutely used to be like that for me. My we used to work together so same rules applied re time off for dependants but it was always up to me to drop my work to look after kids or sort others to help out and I always felt my husband felt my lower paid job wasn't as important as his.

However since I got a new job and our pay is very similar he has changed so much and takes equal time off, which considering I can now work from home when needed plus I don't have to strictly make up the time when I am off where as he can't and has to auto back the hours I really appreciate him taking his share.

When it comes to school holidays it is always me in charge, I organise and tell DH which days he needs to be off and arrange childcare for rest (only in summer usually and we use a mix of in laws, my cousin and holiday club).

We alternate roughly, depending on what our schedules are at the time. I might ignore a phone call from Nursery sometimes, knowing they will try dh next ( if I am busy or think it’s his ‘turn’) then text him after to check it’s in hand.

Same as timeisnotaline

We are both employees though so that might make a difference.

Maybe your husband perceives you as more flexible due to your self-employment and that won't change unless you speak up!

No, we share it. DP earns more than me but that’s beside the point.