3+ year age gap - is it too big??

[catlike1979]

DS is 2.2 years and we’ve always planned 2 DCs. A year ago we discussing starting trying for second baby but I just didn’t feel ready; I had PND and also wanted to be able to spend more time with just DS before contemplating another baby.

We started trying in January when DS had just turned 2. Unfortunately I had a mmc a couple of weeks ago and so now we are back to square one. Even if I get pregnant very quickly, the age gap will now be 3 years, and likely 3.5 years if it takes us a few months or more to conceive.

I’ve gone from being ambivalent about a second baby to suddenly being obsessed that the age gap is too big. Even when we’re out I’m looking at other families with children and trying to work out their age gap! They ALL seem to be about 2 years apart and I’m getting more and more upset about why we’ve left it so long and how the age gap is just too big. I know people commonly have much bigger age gaps than 3 years, but I’m obsessed about how the children will be at different stages, won’t play well together, later in life one will be a teenager who won’t want to be around his much younger kid sibling...I’m being so negative about it! The 2 year gap now just seems perfect; I know it’s very tough in the beginning but then surely it pays dividends long term with 2 DCs that are at more similar stages and thus are more likely to play together.

Have I got it all wrong? Can anyone share their experiences with their age gaps? I’m feeling so regretful and sad 😔

A lot of friends have waited 4 years so DC1 is at school and not 2 lots of childcare to pay out

I've got exactly 4 and 5 years between DC1 and DC2 and 3, its a lovely gap. Shes able to enjoy them as babies rather than just having to share her time like a toddler does.
DC 2 was 12 months when we had DC 3 partly as I really didn't want an older toddler and a newborn combination so it was either close or 3-4 years again.
DC2 will be 2 in a few months and shes just getting to the age where I think a new baby would be harder work for her to adjust to.

My two DCs are 3.5 years apart. I know what you mean how everyone around you have babies 2 years apart. But 3.5y is a very small gap I have found so far. They are 7 and 3 currently and into the same things. Today DC1 left the playground for 4-10 and went into the one for under 6 because she wants to play with DC2. She did not feel she was too old. In soft plays, they will play in both the big and small frames. I think having someone to play with, at this age, trumps playing with bigger and more exciting things. When we go to amusement park, we do split up a bit so DC2 didn’t think she missed out. But I think that will be the case even if she’s a year older as DC1 was just above the minimum with a lot of rides.

They played with each other since DC2 can sit up and crawl. DC1 loved reading and including her in role plays since very young. It was very sweet.

I think a four year age gap is ideal actually lol. My eldest just turned five when my youngest was born so started reception a week after his baby brother was born. Eldest was potty trained and independent, I got one on one time with the youngest in the day and when my eldest was home he loved helping like fetching nappies and wet wipes for me. Now he is nearly 9 and youngest nearly 4 and they get on really well. Youngest loves trying to copy his big brother, he looks up to him I think, it's very sweet

DD1 and DS have a 7 year gap, then there's nearly a 5 year gap between DS and DD2. They're now 13, 6 and 19 months. This has it's pros and cons. Not even a week after DD2 was born DS started reception and DD1 was off to secondary. But they still get on well, my youngest absolutely adores her siblings, she practically clinges onto them when they get home from school. They don't really play together as other siblings would. I suppose DS and DD1 will go on the trampoline together or play football. But I doubt any of them will play with toys together. Sometimes i do wish they were closer in age not that it's going to matter as much once they're adults. 3 years is a good age gap, not too far apart really

I have heard that 3 years is actually the optimum age gap as the first is out of nappies and things alittle easier.

I have 4 children 9,7,5 and a 10 month old I was worried that the age gap would be a problem but it's fine my 3 older ones adore her but everyone's different