Three's a crowd??

[EclecticDream]

I have DS 2 yrs and DD 1 yr (planned close age gap) and they are fabulous together. They giggle at each other all the time and play nicely. I bloody love them and feel so lucky that they like each other.

I always wanted three children though but now I'm feeling worried that the third would be left out or would upset the dynamic.

DH and I are both from families of 3 but he's all boys and I'm all girls, the age differences are very different (eldest in both families are a lot older), my DM had BPD when we were children and we were placed into the care of our grandparents... so very different dynamics anyway!

Any advice? Is it worth the risk for my longed for third? Or stick with my perfect two?

Bump!

I’m not from a family of three kids but several friends are. I recall one friend saying being the middle child was hardest - but not due to being left out more she wasn’t first born and the youngest was baby’d A lot. Another one said she felt a little left out as the youngest but it was mostly due to her being a girl and her older two sticking together more because they were both boys.

No stories of a third being a disaster 🤗 and both just mentioned the above in passing and I know plenty more people where nothing like that was mentioned

Sounds like you really want a third - go for it! I’d have loved to have come from a big family and would happily have more kids if it was feasible.

I really do want three, but as these two grow older and it's becoming a reality I'm starting to get worried it could be a disastrous decision!!

Part of me thinks I should be grateful for what I have, which I am.

Part of me thinks we might regret not completing our family.

I have three. 9, 8 and 5. I wish I’d stuck at two to be honest as I think three just doesn’t work and they’re all girls.

I'm a middle child. Two years between me and my older brother, and I have a sister 9 years younger. Obviously things will change when you have another child, just as they did when you had your second, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Friends if ours have three. Much like Calming's comment, the middle child is overlooked and as a result can be challenging behaviourly

I wanted three but will stick with two. They get on like a house on fire and get plenty of one to one time too. I'm worried a third will change that.

I'm the middle girl between two boys who needed a lot of attention and was definitely overlooked as I was not demanding and capable academically. I struggled as a teenager/young adult as a result.

My youngest is very like me and don't want him to be a middle child...

Having said all that, I know many happy 3 DC families...

When I had 4 it was much better than 2/3!!

I'm more worried that the oldest two are so close (in age and in friendship) that the 3rd would feel left out.

The third would be a few years younger but then they have the advantage that they'd at least be the same sex as one of the older ones... if that matters!?!?!

I do see that DD would have a raw deal. 2nd child when DS was still a baby and then a new baby - she'd never really get her moment to be the baby baby.

Look up middle child syndrome. It's a thing, and a real consideration.

I'm another who would have happily had three but stuck at two - age was a consideration for me, and I didn't feel like the risk of upsetting the dynamics was worth it.

That said, I have two boys. I think maybe if I had one of each I might have felt differently, as I feel that same sex sibling complicity is a very special thing.

That's how I feel, twelveangels! They have a wonderful dynamic and I don't want to upset them.

I just always wanted three.. I guess that's quite selfish.

I have three. 9, 8 and 5. I wish I’d stuck at two to be honest as I think three just doesn’t work and they’re all girls.

I have 3 girls as well, 10, 8 and 5. It is really hard work. Often 2 of them will be getting on and doing something, the third one comes in and it always ruins the dynamics, and they end up fighting. If I take one of the away/out of the picture somehow, the remaining two get on just fine.

I don't regret having 3, but I do agree that the dynamics just don't work!

Agree with middle child comments - it's not a fun place to be...

So I need to have twins!

I found 3 to be a bloody awful dynamic so now I have 4 which is more of a tribe than a crowd!
I think it depends what you want from your life, 2 seems like a nice number to have a nice, not chaotic life.
I also think school age children are more challenging than babies and take up more time and clubs and activities are expensive and time consuming.

I just wonder if it's different because I have a boy and a girl so the third would fit in somewhere?

Or if I could make sure DD didn't feel overlooked?

Oops posted too soon. I think even numbers just seem to work better, I can split mine up into different 2s depending on what's going on.

My parents had me and my two brothers all within 3 years. We grew up very close although of course we had our moments!

We are all still close as adults but have very separate relationships if that makes sense? Very rarely spend time together the 3 of us (unless it's at a big family event) but I see both my brothers and their families individually, as do they with each other.

I've got three. 11, 8 and 6 and it's wonderful. Eldest now wants to go out with her mates and 8yo little sister would now rather sit home and play with her brother. They all get on beautifully and I would definitely consider a fourth.

Oh and middle child is a gifted little thing and snags a lot of attention. They're all different and all get attention in different ways.

I had two kids and we stopped at that. My OH was one of three. He says it was a difficult dynamic. He's the middle one so a little different but his sister's don't speak to each other as adults and they all get on with him. He's often sorting out arguments between them. He didn't want three. I agreed I'm one of two with an older brother we get on very well. That's my experience if it helps. ❤️.

In my head:

DS & DD are best friends. Another girl comes along. DD and the baby girl have being female in common. DS doesn't care because he's such a relaxed little soul.

DS & DD are best friends. Another boy comes along. DS and the baby boy have being male in common. DD feels a bit miffed but I make sure she and I do loads of stuff together so she's fine.

DS & DD are best friends. A baby comes along and they hate the little bastard because it's upset the apple cart and makes mummy tired!!

@CannaeBeErsed do you think it's easier for them because they're different sexes? So less competition (sort of thing)?

I had the same and went for a third. It's nice for the middle one imo. Sometimes she does more grown up things with big brother - playing out/Minecraft/board games - but she also plays schools/dolls/reads/does crafts with her younger sister. And when one child is out doing something there is still a play mate at home! My difficulty is that the youngest can't always join in activities that the older ones enjoy, however we manage.

I have a 3&4 year old boy and girl and have just had a baby girl , it's fab the older two adore her and it's made life feel complete and fun for us

i was one of 3. 4 yrs between oldest and youngest. it was always 2 against 1 in differing combinations.

i have 3, 2 close together then 10 yrs before number 3