Today my toddler has...(vent)

[Carouselfish]

DD almost 3 has:
Broken a small rocking horse I've had since I was a child by casually dropping it on the floor. She knows it's a decoration not a toy.
Broken the dog bed by jumping on it after being told not to.
Run up the muddy garden in her new soft shoes.
Destroyed my White Stripes DVD by shoving it through a crack in a wooden chest.
Run amok in Pets at Home and run away from me in the car park.
Thrown a stone towards the dog.
Used dog shampoo to wash the garden steps.
Fallen asleep on the sofa and weed all over it.
Refused to touch any of her shepherd's pie.
Refused to let me tell the 'story of the day' at bed time.

I think that's it. I know a lot of it is my fault for allowing her the opportunity, but Jesus it was a relentless one today.

How are all your toddlers?

DD, aged 3, has:

• deliberately run into a cupboard door then cried
• insisted on going outside and cuddling the car before her bath (she loves it so much)
• hit her friend with a broom handle (accidentally)
• only eaten my dinner as it tastes better than hers (exactly the same food)
• splashed so much in the bath that the landing carpet is sodden

She is lovely, but I am having a LARGE glass of wine tonight...

DS just turned 2 has:

• tantrummed at the swimming pool because I wouldn't let him run up the flume which was switched off.
• tantrummed in tescos trolley because I had no chocolate to give him.
• thrown my phone on the kitchen floor (and laughed!)
• chased the cat and tried to pull her tail
• pinched his little friends raisins
• spat out his cheese and rubbed it into the carpet

Happy days

Oh, oh, I forgot one! Emptied her water bottle all over the kitchen table at dinner time, when my back was turned and I was talking to her about how nice it is to all make each other happy with our behaviour.

Sympathies OP

DD (3.5)
Dropped a 1kg tub of yoghurt on the floor in Sainsburys and then tried to clean it up using her entire body.
Punched a random mum at her older siblings school in the leg because she thought it was me and then said loudly that shes allowed to punch me because I punch her all the time
Taken her poo out of the potty with her bare hands to bring it to the kitchen and show me
Told our next door neighbour that DH said she has a really long neck and a silly little nose (he has never said that)
And she is still awake now

Today my toddler has

• wet herself intentionally at nursery because she wanted a pair of new trousers

• thrown herself off the sofa upside down, cried for help then had nervous breakdown when was helped

• stolen her sister's box of barbies, and insisted on sleeping with it in plain sight of her tantrumming sister while I had a nervous breakdown of my own (which went ignored by all children )

• decided the only place her drink could rest while she played was on top of the brand new speakers

She's a big juicy fat lump of a thing and we adore, and are terrified of her in equal measure. She gets away with murder because she's the baby

Mine has behaved like an angel because I was at work and she is allllways good for granny

Then granny left and DD shit in the bath on purpose for the 4th night in a row.

Pretty sure granny has been feeding it raisins to keep it quiet.

Dd (2):

Slapped me because I was trying to help her into her car seat. How dare I help her.

Pointedly ignored me when I picked her from nursery. Obviously prefers the room full of toys and other kids. Who knew.

Insisted on ‘Sleepy Poopy’ (Sleeping Beauty) pants at bedtime.

Lost her shit when I said she couldn’t watch another (eighty millionth) episode of Waffle the One onset dog.

Not enough wine to watch another episode of that bollocks.

18month ole dd has
Screamed for biscuits all day.
Chased the cat and tried to stick her finger in the cat’s bum.
Tipped all of the balls out of the ball pit and then tantrumed because they weren’t in there anymore, THREE times.
Thrown her dinner on floor and then cried for it.
And shat in the bath.

Between these times she has been an absolute joy though. I had a bit of a teary moment earlier just thinking about how much I love her. 💗

14 month old has:

• Burst in to tears when I wouldn't give him the tv remote which he couldn't reach
• smeared banana on my freshly washed jumper
• cried because I had to put him down for a short time to make dinner
• almost managed to put his show down the toilet when I wasn't looking
• managed to get his yoghurt over himself, the wall and carpet in one fell swoop.

Love him more than life but he is poorly due to a cold and incredibly whiney at the moment.

*shoe

Drove me fucking insane
Can't be arsed to list the tings he's done

Aahh well dd is 16m and this week has been a bit poorly so has got away with murder

Daddys home today so,
she has cried to be carried like a monkey baby, climbed up him then cried because she was stuck and couldn't get down,
Fed mousse to the dog,

refused to get dressed,
And my favourite taken her nappy off every time she has peed! Resulting in dh chasing a naked baby round the house.
And screamed at the ILs just because she could which resulted in MIL giving me an epic lecture about poor parenting (from one who literally bearly killed her own child twice!)

Time for tea and my body weight in cookies!

Aww I miss those toddler days.Enjoy it while you can ladies,it does get worse!

Wait until they're Teenagers (aged 15) and come home

"after drinking cider with their mates down the park"

and vomit all night ,in a bucket, whilst you sit up with them ALL NIGHT.

Wait until they have passed their driving tests and drive to school and don't text you to say they have arrived safely; or when they go off to uni and you don't hear from them for several days (simple text!!) and start to wonder where they are; when they've had a night out with their friends and you wake up to a dead McD's and blow up banana on the island in the kitchen.......

Today hasn't been too bad but dd2 (just turned 3) did "wash" her face with a slice of pizza when I turned my back and then rubbed frozen yoghurt over her hands....

Oh and she is still awake as she napped for half hour earlier.

Nanny We have the 'sleepy poopy' pants too.
For the last few days mine's just constantly asking me to 'be' Romeo from the PJ Masks or she disappears into a corner and re-emerges as Romeo herself. This solely consists of saying 'muahahaaaa' with narrowed eyes and hand on hip. Romeo does not like cuddles or kisses or anyone forgetting to call him Romeo.
This happens about 20 times a day.

Today my DS (3) is at nursery but this morning he got dressed and then insisted that he had to have his dressing gown on as well!?!

Last night 3 year old shoved mashed banana into 1 year olds face- both cried. Mashed banana was later found smushed all over 5 year olds My Little Ponies and then a loud shriek alerted me to the fact mashed banana was all over 8 year olds bed, clothes, carpet, shoes and God knows what else.

What I really want to know is, where the hell has the banana come from?! To my knowledge there was no banana in the house. It's sorcery.

4.5 yr old cried himself too sleep last night (OH was with him) because he wants to clean the whole house on Friday and he wants to go on a 11km walk. We have told him there won't really be time for him to do both, plus 11km I assume will be 4-5 hrs for him and bloody long for a 4 yr old so he will prob be tired.
So I don't think we have an end in sight for the strangeness just yet.

Today my dd1 (9.5) has behaved like a stereotypical 2.5yo and:
Deliberately farted on my head after getting up early
Hit her sister no less than 4 times
Had a full blown temper tantrum over loosing "Shopping list" (a memory game)
Refused to get dressed and gone to the childminders in her pyjamas
Embarrassed herself by having a temper tantrum at the childminders
Made me feel like I could burst because I love her and her sister SO SO much, and gave me the sweetest cuddles just before bed.
Those of you with teens - at least pretend it gets easier

DS 2.9
Broke my glasses by throwing them to play 'catch' with DD.
Pooed his pants twice
Flew into a ball of rage when I refused the iPad at 6.10am
Refused his chicken wrap vehemently and ate a ate of plate of baked beans for dinner.

This is an average day for him!

Oh! I have just realised something! You know how the horror or childbirth diminishes in our minds over time.... well so does the horror or toddlerhood!! I am reading these with equal parts of sympathy/horror/amusement and realising that my life used to be like that too!! Mine are 25, 19 and 17 and you FORGET.. your really do, how things used to be! Obviously the new phases of parenthood bring new problems (we could.. and probably do!.. have similar threads listing teenagers misdemeanours and similar parent nervous breakdowns) but I honestly hadn’t thought about the toddler years in such depth in a while! Thank you for the entertainment.. and I say that not without empathy I promise

Good luck to you ladies .. my offspring are now 21 and 17 ... if they had thrown my phone on the floor and laughed .. hurt pets .. or bitten people .. they would’ve had a short smack on the leg !!!... this happened on very few occasions .. less than I can count on one hand .. but you are doing the world no favours raising a bunch of brats ... actions have consequences ... and the sooner you learn this the better !!

We are raising brats because we won't hit them and they behave like toddlers? Okay....