Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Massive argument, all in tears - over tights... was I wrong??

62 replies

somersetsoul · 14/03/2018 15:21

10yo dd is not understanding no at the moment. This morning she was given tights to wear as it's not as warm as yesterday (socks were allowed)

Half an hour of arguing and with me shouting v.loudly she finally put her tights on.

Dd2 was in tears, I was in tears! What a morning and all before 8.30! I'm 8weeks pg with number 3, they don't know that so am also hormonal.

I feel awful and that school will massively judge me as they both went in upset. Was I in the wrong? I can't give in as then it will be expected. Any ideas on how else I could have handled it without it ending that way?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

somersetsoul · 14/03/2018 16:13

Thanks all. This has made me realise that I need to let her grow up and make decisions. I am actually very pfb with her when I think of things like today. Sad but true, this thread has made really realise that I can't keep doing everything for her 😔 thank you for being honest x

OP posts:

TERFragetteCity · 14/03/2018 16:16

If you want a child to do something, tell them not to do it. Want her to wear tights, put the socks out.

MrsJayy · 14/03/2018 16:19

It sounds a bit overwought over a pair of tights to you nornally get into teary matches with her ? Honestly at 10 I would tell her it might be cold and tights would probably be better but it is up to her and you can have the told you so when she moans she is cold.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

10 year olds Families General parenting

dementedpixie · 14/03/2018 16:23

I would have let her wear socks, her choice. Mind you my ds wears shorts and short socks year round and we live in Scotland

raindropsandsunshine · 14/03/2018 16:24

It happens, sometimes we get wrapped up in wanting to win the battle that we lose sight of the minor nature of the initial argument. I bet when your baby comes along you'll have less battles - you'll be too busy and let her make her own choices more. Plus, once the baby comes your daughter will suddenly seem so grown, much older and I bet you treat her a bit differently!

llangennith · 14/03/2018 16:27

We’ve all done it. Asked a DC to do something perfectly reasonable but then made it a battle of wills.

Hindsight’s a great thing and I know I’ve wished many times that I’d just let it go at the start.

MrsJayy · 14/03/2018 16:29

I think it is good for them to have choice even if they make a mistake sometimes even if it drives us potty.

MrsJayy · 14/03/2018 16:30

God yes hindsight is a wonderful thing

GrowThroughWhatYouGoThrough · 14/03/2018 17:18

Pick your battles I would say this isn't one I would have chose it wasn't worth getting upset about, and if she got cold legs then she got cold legs she will know for next time to wear tights

Fruitcocktail6 · 14/03/2018 17:26

I work in a primary and nearly all the girls, especially year 6, wear skirt and socks no matter what the weather. The cold really doesn't bother them and remember any time they're outside they're probably running. It wasn't worth fighting about, she's old enough to decide and suffer the consequences.

CotswoldStrife · 14/03/2018 17:35

No, this isn't a battle I'd have picked either - let her wear what she wants. She can take them with her. Hardly anyone in my DD's year has worn woolly-type tights, not sure why (she still does, says the classroom is cold though!).

kinorsam · 14/03/2018 17:36

Pick your battles

^ this

Quartz2208 · 14/03/2018 17:40

You have to start letting go - choosing what to wear is something I let my daughter do at 5 - its her body, her choice. If she gets cold she will learn. You are pushing your opinion too much and overruling her autonomy.

The problem is you see it as giving in - but actually you dont have the right really to say, you can get out the requirements that are expected of her but its her choice.

And please dont try and explain it to them as hormones

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 14/03/2018 17:41

Definitely pick your battles.

Won't be long before you embark one great secondary school coat war, that one seems to last until they leave sixth form I have teenage dses and it has to be well below freezing for them to wear coats!

TheProvincialLady · 14/03/2018 17:44

Why don’t you apologise to her for making such a fuss this morning, have a hug and move on. It’s good for kids to see us acknowledge our own mistakes and apologise.

Pennywhistle · 14/03/2018 17:49

I have two ten years olds, a boy and girl.

They choose their own clothes for school socks vs tights, shorts ca trousers, trousers vs skirt.

I’ll tell them the weather forecast and then the responsibility is theirs.

The condition is that I’m not interested in hearing moans about a poor choice. You wear ankle socks in winter but I don’t want hear how cold you were all day.

athingthateveryoneneeds · 14/03/2018 17:50

Not really worth a huge argument, imo.

TwitterQueen1 · 14/03/2018 17:56

At 10 you are dictating whether or not she should wear socks or tights? And having a huge battle? And everyone getting upset? Why? just why?

What a waste of time and energy. Pick your battles OP. This really isn't one of them. Loosen the reins. Give her some personal independence. Let her grow up. So she gets cold legs - so what?! If she's not allowed to make decisions like this at 10, what control will you ever let her have?

BezzaMezza · 14/03/2018 17:58

I noticed when the school posted a photo of kids playing in the snow at playtime that some had bare knees. They had warm coats on though, so it was ok.

grasspigeons · 14/03/2018 17:59

don't worry about it - sometimes things go wrong.
In general don't say something you aren't going to follow through or 'lose face' but bearing that in mind I try really hard not to set up battles in the first place and have a reasonable conversation and often let the child choose.

eg replaying it, was there a point where you said 'wear these tights' and she said 'no' where you could have said 'why' and had a calm talk. As they get older they need to take some control over things like this - a compromise could have been take the tights in her bag in case she got cold.

PurplePirate · 14/03/2018 18:00

Yeah, you were in the wrong but don't beat yourself up over it. We've all been there.

BertieBotts · 14/03/2018 18:01

YY you must let her make choices like this by herself.

Provide appropriate clothing, but she can choose. Offer suggestions if you think she might be unaware (e.g. if the temp has dropped suddenly) but otherwise, let her work it out for herself. It is not cold enough in the UK for being cold at break/lunchtime to be dangerous.

You're getting into the preteen stage now - you need to step back, and basically let her be independent everywhere you possibly can with limited guidance when necessary. Otherwise you're really going to struggle with the transition into teenage years, and with a teenager and toddler to deal with at once, that's going to be hard enough already, so you might as well try to prepare as best you can.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 14/03/2018 18:08

You def need to pick your battles, she'll soon be at secondary and freezing her arse off in a rolled up skirt and no coat.

However we've all her there in these head to heads with our DC and I bet it wasn't just about tights but an accumulation of other little things ... straw that broke the camels back?

Idobelieveinfairies2018 · 14/03/2018 18:33

I wouldn't have picked this battle personally but my dd is 4.5 & has sn so a bad start to the morning sets her up for a bad day. However, if it is cold and she wants to wear a skirt with socks (she normally wears trousers) I snide a pair of tights to her ta in the morning 'just in case' about half the time she comes out with the tights on, at 10 I would probably pop them in her school bag with a little note saying
'Just in case u get cold or change ur mind. Love u mom x'
It's hard wen ur pg but the elder 1s don't know, they just think mums gone a bit weird and crazy but it's only 6 more weeks before u tell them and only 4 weeks until u hopefully feel a little bit better.
x

Rewn7 · 14/03/2018 18:37

I agree with your last post OP. You do need to let her learn from the natural consequences of her choices. No tights = cold legs. No harm will come to her but she’ll start to learn to balance the consequences before the decision.

Save your fights for the things that really matter. Let her decide on things that don’t.

Flip

1 2 3