Can't take a minute more of this

[LJ17xx]

I don't want my son anymore. I'm sick of this. I don't enjoy being with him. He hurts me and just whinges most of the time.

We got to groups 5 days a week and as soon as we leave his crying again ..

Could he have reflux (quite common in milk allergy/Intolerant babies)?
The non sleeping sounds like my little One who has silent reflux.
It’s hell when you’re getting no sleep and I recognise what you’re saying from my early months as a parent

It may be milk protein intolerance rather than lactose so he may need a different formula.

If your HV isn't much use, what about your GP? Homestart? Tbh it sounds as though something is going on. THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOUR ABILITY AS A MOTHER. I wonder if his allergy/intolerance is being managed properly. Have you seen a gastroenterologist? Are you in London?

You need help for your low mood. I had PND after my one with milk allergy was born. It took so long to get help and he cried and screamed all the time. Luckily he wasn't my first so I knew something was wrong but I got so low. There is no weakness or failure in this but you will be amazed once you feel better, to realise how you normalised the bad. He needs his mum. But you both need help.

Have you got a supportive friend who will come wuth you tonthe appts. It is good to have another pair of ears and a friend to speak up for you both.

You need paediatric gastroenterologist rather than just a paediatrician.

The paediatricians said they were certain it wasn't reflux. And they said just stick with that milk or go back to ordinary formula as there's nothing they could do..

Which is why you need to go to gastroenterologists. If they say it isn't then it isn't. But you need the specialists. He sounds a lot like my silent reflux baby. The intense need for comfort and short napping.

Use a sling not a buggy would be my advise too. Keep him upright. See it if helps.

I know everyone is going on about formula but he's 9 months, how is he eating generally? My DS is 11 months and never did well on formula, since I've cut it down and increased his solids (HV approved) he's happier. The 'grabby' scratchy thing is a phase for some, mine included, but I remember his older brother doing the same thing and he grew out of it by his first birthday. Tie your hair up and don't let him get it, it's the only way!

Mine never sleeps either, it's torture, but there's nothing wrong with him - some babies just don't sleep. It's not necessarily an allergy or something.

Is he ok at the groups? If so, maybe he's under stimulated at home or something? Or maybe he just likes being out. My older DS definitely did.

I’m sorry to hear you feel this way. 9months is the point I hit the wall with both ds, neither was sleeping properly and I was exhausted. Sleep deprivation isn’t good for us.

Have you asked your doctor or looked at cranial osteopathy?
www.evidence.nhs.uk/search?q=cranial+osteopathy

Babies get easy, especially when you get a good nights sleep.

Thanks everyone I will consider all advice.
Thanks for all the support

How are you doing @LJ17xx ?

Aw dear,it's more than likely a phase...know that doesn't help you now,but it won't be like this forever :) At the end of your teather no doubt,but could you ask gp for advice....any creches nearby,your could go to,give you regular breaks? Any community care nurses that can do regular checks,to try help you and him?

Thanks for checking up.
No luck yet. We are about to move out so he will have his own room, I wonder if that may help the sleep part of the problem

Op, I relate to you 100%.

I had a difficult birth, my DS who's now 11 months was an absolute nightmare newborn. I began to hate him, I didn't want to be around him.

Like your child, my DS's father isn't in his life at all.

I did it all on the own and hated every minute of it.

Now he's 11 months, it's still tough but so so much more manageable, okay, there are times when I want to pack a bag and leave but he's my baby and I love him.

Don't be so hard on yourself! This is all normal, don't ever give yourself a hard time for feeling like you do.

Oh and my DS's sleep got so much better once he was in his own room. He'd only sleep for 10-15 mins before waking up and crying.

Now he'll to a fair few hours. Not amazing but compared to before, he's so much better.

How is his eating? Maybe you could try him with a lactose-free "normal" milk now. Maybe he's hungry?

The lack of sleep is really hard, for both of you. Do you ever get a break? Ever?

I'm glad(although sorry for you) that I'm not the only one that has been through this!! Took him to the doctors for more checks and it's been made clear, he is just playing me up when it comes to sleep! I've had the odd night where someone has had him (amazing) and he has slept all night through

Still waiting for an hours sleep. Even worse at the moment as he's got a cold now