Supernanny's naughty step!

[Twinmummyx2]

Just saw them in woollies...lol

Does anyone have one?

i think mine would just use it to reach..unreachable objects...lol

Did make me giggle though.

i didn't take too much notice of the actual 'step' pic on the box....too busy sniggering whilst walking away.

actually i think i might know the perfect person to get one for

What do you think DR Tanya would produce?

A special handle so it's easy to haold your chlds bedroom door shut?

Not having seen Dr Tanya, I take it she's not one of the "oh no darling, don't do that, it makes mummy unhappy" brigade?

I don't think she'd produce anything. I think she's more credible than supernanny (trained child psychologist for a start) and I can't see her making child behaviour into a business in the way Supernanny does (yes, I know she's on the telly but I mean licensing her name for pointless products to exploit struggling parents).

Message withdrawn

FrannyandZooey,

Do you smack your kids? Or do they just run amok thinking being spoilt brats they can do as they like? How do you get them to behave then?

I think all kids benefit from having clear rules and boundaries. They need to know that their parents are in charge.

No, its not fun disciplining your kids, but if children refuse to follow simple instructions then you are limited by what they can do. When children do as they are told it is possible to do more adventurous things with them. Well behaved children can have more freedom. They can do things that are exciting (and possibly dangerous!) under adult supervision.

A child who has not learnt to accept authority often gets into trouble at school and possibly later on with the police. It comes as a schock to them that they sometimes have to follow rules they don't like.

However a child who grows up with clear boundaries in the home is happier. They get on at school both socially and academically.

frannyandzooey only seems to be highlighting what has worked for her, some children wont ever need to be put on a "step" my dad used to just give me a look and it made me behave, i have to resort to some kind of time out with my children. diffrent parents have diffrent things that work.

We all try to get our children to behave nicely in the first place. However children do test boundaries if they are capable of doing so.

What does frannyandzooey do to avoid her children behaving badly in the first place? She hasn't let us in on her secret.

frances5 frannyandzooey never said she doesn't use boundaries or discipline her children, just that the naughty step in her opinion requires a lot of effort with training a child to sit there...there are plenty of effective forms of discipline that don't involve 'punishment' like this. To think that someone's children run amock because they say they have better things to do than train them to sit on naughty step is quite narrow minded and presumptious.

How about talking to kids and giving consequences for misbehaviour? See the thread on how to talk so kids listen and lsiten so kids talk if you want other ideas.

Seriously, the narrowmindedness of some people...

So these are the three parenting alternatives in the world according to frances5, are they? Smacking, naughty step, or running amok...

I see

I don't think there is a magic trick to stop your children behaving badly at all times. However I would rather pour my efforts into building a good relationship with them, modelling good behaviour, and helping them to mature enough to be more capable of socially acceptable behaviour, rather than "training" them to sit on a step when I wanted them to.

Have fun though.

Kelly would you really love to know an alternative or were you being sarky? There are loads of alternatives to this naughty step shite, really there are. It makes me so depressed to hear that people think it is naughty step, smacking, or no rules and boundaries.

Just treat your children as you like to be treated - with respect and dignity and kindness. Be patient and don't expect perfect behaviour all the time. Think long term - not short term. What is the naughty step teaching in the long term, about the way adults deal with conflict, about negotiation, about people's needs and emotions? The naughty step is a means of withdrawing your approval from a child and teaching them that they are unacceptable in your eyes when they behave in a less than perfect way. Is this the message you want to give your children as they struggle with difficult situations?

frannyandzooey can i just ask out of intrest how old your children are.

F&Z I wasnt being sarky at all. I'm also interested as to how old your children are now. I have four. 6, 4, and 2 dts. Your priniples of respect work really well on the older two, who are actually far from typical in any case (one was advanced, the other sn). The dts are NT and I am seriously struggling.
I try to treat them repectfully, stay calm when they are tantruming and focus on positives. In some ways the naughty step has actually become a method for them to time themselves out, where they often dash (on their own initiative) when they lose their temper and them return from once calm, but I am still struggling when they are headbanging, biting/punching/scratching/hurling themsleves to the floor and I really don't know what to do. Or when they are destructive or endangering themselves - how do I deal with it?

The naughty step is patented as a humane way to deal with children these days and it is interesting to hear another perspective which doesn't involve no boundaries whatsoever.

my last sentance doesnt read correctly - I'm not implying that you have no boundaries, I mean what is the alternative to using smacking/the naughty step but also not become a parent with no boundaries whatsoever.

My ds is 4.

I don't particularly see the relevance because IMO this would be an especially humiliating method to use for anyone over about 3, and younger than that they are not really going to 'get' it without a great deal of training, as you point out. It is not the age of my child that makes me object to this method.

Kelly, you don't have to use any formal method of punishment with young children. I think it sounds like you are doing a good job in difficult circumstances. If your dts benefit from time to calm down then that is a different matter, and something that they can be encouraged to do if the situation is appropriate. This doesn't need to be enforced or in a different room to you, though.

When children aged 2 are being destructive or endangering themselves I would explain why this is not advisable, then distract them if necessary and move on. They aren't being "naughty", they are being 2. Using the naughty step won't prevent this sort of behaviour in future from a 2 year old. Gentle guidance and the passing of time, will eventually.

A lot of the behaviour you describe seems to be ways of expressing anger. Is it naughty to feel angry? Or do we just need to show 2 year olds more socially acceptable ways to show anger? This isn't something they can learn overnight, and it worries me that whole swathes of normal behaviour are being effectively "criminalised" in very young children. I am not saying that all behaviour should be accepted and allowed. But there are ways to explain and model good behaviour without affecting the child's self-esteem and your relationship with them. There is no quick fix nor should we be looking for one.