Finishing School or Elocution?

[silverflowers]

We've always entertained the idea of finishing school, never sure whether we were serious or not. My dd has now expressed and interest and wants to fit in more with her upper middle class and upper class peers. We have no problem with this but we know most classes are spread by word of mouth and don't have websites as such. Does anyone have any suggestions for good lessons or courses for her? Dd is 13.

Cross post with iklboo!

Let's face it, wars have never been won on the basis of who held their knife like a scalpel and who tipped their soup bowl forwards to eat.

silverflowers Too bad you are getting flamed for your question. Perhaps there are advertisements in The Lady? I don’t see anything wrong with your DD wanting to polish herself up before going out into the world. Far better than tattoos and piercings or 3 children by the time she’s 20!

The army send out emails about roll-buttering?

Far better than tattoos and piercings or 3 children by the time she’s 20!

Better in your opinion, Mimi.

I fail to see how walking around with books on one's head is 'better' than having a tattoo. They're just different things.

And that's why I would never have made a good Army wife (I was an army girlfriend, used to get in trouble a lot!)

I know precisely how to butter a roll at the table. I just think that anyone who cares is an arsehole

There's nowt more tragic than a try hard

Sunningdale Academy?

Good god, I've been to about a million regimental dinners and can't remember anyone taking stock of bread-roll-buttering techniques...

a lack of breeding

I wasn't bred though. My mum and dad met in a pub in 1954 and they got married and then had a 'special cuddle'.

Isn't breeding for dogs and horses?

So can I just butter my roll?

Actually quite pissed off to hear that we're paying taxes for the army to teach its recruits bizarre "upper middle class" tribal habits. Normal human beings do not care which way you butter a roll.

For OP: how about drama classes? Then your DD will learn to pretend to be any social class she fancies, and it's probably more fun too.

@cremebrulee they only send you on that if they think you're completely without hope. I know one person who has done it but that was a condition of his pass at RCB and he's a complete fucking moron. Apparently it wasn't thought at the time that my husband needed it.
@iklboo skills like that come under non-kinetic effects...

@mimibunz
What's wrong with tattoos and piercings? And how do they equate with being a mother before the age of 20?

Tattoos and piercings, while they might not be the ideal preference you'd have for your kid, might at least show a good sense of identity and body confidence. If I had a daughter I'd be more comfortable with that than a desire to keep up with wealthier peers and lose a regional accent. That suggests a lack of self worth and an absolutely arse over tit view of the world to me.

Well, for the school, I think it has to be La Rosey or nothing. It's eyewateringly expensive to keep out the riffraff, will teach absolutely everything you want (probably on a bespoke timetable) and fill the address book usefully.

"Fuck me don't the army have bigger fish to fry?"

Yes, but that for during their work hours, not at table.

I'm not convinced the non-com mess is like this (the ones I've been in never were).

Wow - I thought finishing schools were a thing of the past! My great Nana was sent to one, the only thing I learnt from her was that ladies don’t whistle - it’s the habit of coarse sailors

Re: regimental dinners - they’re massive sticklers for their etiquette/rules. DH has just told me about ‘Port Fines’ - as in, you’ll actually get fined actual money for passing the Port the wrong way round the table . It seems Trident is the tip of the iceberg of ‘troubles’ within the Army

I may have made many a glaring error with a bread roll

"I may have made many a glaring error with a bread roll"

And an awfully sharp papaya???

I was referring to decisions that a young teenager would make, as the OP’s DD is 13. Nothing wrong with being an adult with tattoos, piercings and babies unless you’re not an adult capable of thinking through the consequences of your decisions.

Army officers are taught formal dining etiquette because they are required to entertain and host foreign and British dignitaries frequently. Hopefully reasonable parents would have started them off on the correct path. Knowing how to eat with good table manners is a life skill.
Finishing school is for a few years time and generally reserved for those unlikely to make a decent university. A good public boarding school should give her sufficient social skills to feel comfortable in most settings.

I remember at my OTC regimental dinners that we had to pass the port to the left and Stilton to the right (There’s no port left in the jar was the saying). Also men couldn’t take their jackets off until after toasting the queen (might have remembered that but wrong though...).

If someone judged me because of the way I buttered my roll at dinner I can honestly say that is the last time their opinion would matter to me.

Do 'upper class' boys go to finishing school?? No?? Why ever not? I don't for one minute believe finishing schools are any more than an anachronistic outpost of a few weirdos these days in reality.

Finishing to me always brings an image of a bit of balsamic drizzled on a plate before service, or something sexual. But there's me all over: no social niceties and concerned only with base matters of eating and lustful wantonness 😁.