AIBU to cry?

[Penguin27]

I was going to put this in AIBU, but wasn't brave enough.

DS is almost 6 weeks old. I know it's normal and common, but I'm so frustrated and exhausted. Last night I couldn't settle him until around 11, he cluster-fed from about 6 PM, then woke up at 1:30 and didn't go back down until gone 5. He was up again at 7 AM. He just won't be put down, every time I try putting him in his next to me crib, he just wakes up and cries. Even now during the day, he will happily sleep on me but soon as I try to put him down he wakes up. When I do manage to get him to go to sleep, his fidgeting keeps me awake...

He just seems so uncomfortable. He seems to have tummyache a lot, even in his sleep he fidgets and pulls his legs up to his chest and thumps the mattress. I wonder if this could be making him unhappy to be left alone to sleep as he misses the comfort?

And now, even when he's awake, he seems so unhappy, just crying constantly...

I'm knackered, I have a headache, I'm hungry but can't make food whilst holding a baby (or even a cup of tea), I haven't showered and I have to listen to him screaming while I try to wee. So, AIBU to cry? Because I am.

Google the fourth trimester. Newborns don’t want to be put down. You just need to find a way to get through it - sleep/rest whenever baby does etc.

Is your OH helping?

Oh God no. Have a good cry and a glass of water. If you need a shower put him in his cot where you can't hear him. You'll only be a few minutes. And the same for food. You need to eat!

Look after yourself as well as him. He probably will cry. That's ok. It's what they do.

That sounds so tough. Even if it's 'normal' that doesn't help you get through those first weeks. I hate to trot out the MN cliche but do you have a sling? That might at least help you with things like getting a sandwich made. Don't feel bad if baby screams for a couple of minutes while you use the loo/shower. If they're being loved and snuggled most of the time, a two minute yell won't do any harm and you need to be able to function.

Oh and yes, do go ahead and have a good cry whenever you feel like it. It will get SO much better and you can do this

You have my sympathies yes it is unbelievably tough yes do have a cry. But this is normal and it won't last. Get as much suppport as you can from your partner and family. Can someone else hold him while you have a break. I co slept with mine as it was the only way I got any sleep.
If he's uncomfortable though do you think he's got cholic or reflux? Have a chat with your HV maybe try some medicines to help relieve trap wind. Might make him a bit happier and less fidgety.

Oh and get a sling so you can get some food etc.

Good luck, it's tough but your baby loves you and just wants to be with you. I miss those times xx

Yes it’s normal for newborns not to want to be put down, but it’s not normal for them to cry constantly and seem in pain. Have you spoken to a GP about possible allergies?

Thank you for the kind words. DP works FT but does his fair share when he's home, including giving DS a bottle at "bed time" so that I can go up a bit earlier. Not that it works as DS won't settle at all unless he's on the boob.

I think co-sleeping would solve all my problems, but I can't do it as it terrifies me. The other day, DS was screaming in the next to me and I slept through it, didn't even stir according to DP. I couldn't live with myself if anything happened.

I will speak to HV about his tummy ache, we have an appointment next week.

I think co-sleeping would solve all my problems, but I can't do it as it terrifies me. The other day, DS was screaming in the next to me and I slept through it, didn't even stir according to DP. I couldn't live with myself if anything happened.

That is co-sleeping.

Titty, I meant co-sleeping as in when he falls asleep on my boob, just letting myself go to sleep and not moving him into his crib.

You need to eat and wash even if baby cries. Put him somewhere safe like the cot or bouncy chair, it won't hurt him to cry for 10 minutes whilst you eat or shower.i would book a doctor's appointment for his belly, may be take a few videos of what has doing or keep a diary. Might be reflux or milk allergy

Sling sling sling. You'll get used to dropping food on them, it's fine as long as it's not too hot. For the first 6 weeks my DH had to cut up my dinner so I could eat one handed whilst DD cluster fed (8pm-2am if it makes you feel any better).

Also, put him in the pram, stick some headphones in and go for a walk. I do it sometimes when DD is doing my head in, sometimes she drifts off but I can't hear her cry over music so its ok!

I will make some videos of his crying and fidgeting, good suggestion chocolate, thanks.

I have got a sling, should try using that to get more done around the house... doesn't help me to get any sleep though! But if I've had something to eat, at least I might feel a little more human.

I think the fact you slept through his screaming demonstrates how exhausted you are. Don't beat yourself up about it! You are doing a great job

When my twins were babies I found that I couldn’t get time to eat very easily.

So my DH started bringing me breakfast in bed before he left for work (something easy and filling like porridge) and would leave me a sandwich in the fridge for lunchtime.

I also used to make a flask of tea that I could pour myself while I was feeding too.

And yes, I occasionally sat down and had a cry.

It gets better.

I used to leave Ds on the living floor on his baby gym and stagger half way up the stairs sobbing my eyes out. It’s so hard and I found it so tough on my own. I never did the sling thing but gave up and just snuggled him as much as poss. I still showered by putting him in his Moses basket and letting him be for five minutes while I cleaned myself up. It needs doing and they will be fine waiting.

I don’t have lots of advice but just wanted to say it does pass and it does get better.

This too will pass.....and a good cry will probably help, so don't hold back.

HV and doc need to look at the tummy ache theory - might have reflux and need some gaviscon. But it will not damage him forever if he cries on his own for 10 minutes or so while you have a drink, eat something, empty your bowels or whatever! Leave something with him to catch his attention - musical mobile etc.

This is the hardest phase of babyhood and many have gone before you and lived to tell the tale.

Pennywhistle, that's a good idea, I could ask DP to do something similar.

Thanks for the support everyone.. I know it's only temporary, just feels a little overwhelming today.

@Penguin27 just cry!! You'd be surprised at how a sob for a few minutes will make you feel so much better - gets it out at least! It's ridiculously hard when they're small so never feel bad about anything as long as he's safe and cared for! Defo agree with leaving him whilst you shower/make a drink/get some food just make sure he is somewhere you can preferably see him or at least know for a fact he'll be safe (eg cot) you need to look after you too!!

Forgot to add - also any offers from family/friends to help out - take it!!!! I never did (single parent) when my ds was newborn and I really wish I had!!

Sling, as others said. And lots of ready meals/pizza/porridge- whatever you find easier.

ANother27, DP's grandparents have offered to come round to help, but I feel bad phoning them up to ask. I know that's silly and they won't mind, they would actually be delighted if I did. Maybe I'll swallow my pride and ask if they are free later this week.

I'm sure they'd be delighted to spend some time with their great grandchild. Take the opportunity to rest/sleep, don't be tempted to try and tidy or clean or whatever.

Have a good cry! Then pop on amazon prime with baby in one hand (a well honed mommy skill ) and order yourself a thermos cup get DH to make you a hot drink before he goes in the morning and pop it in the thermos, if he is a lovely soul perhaps he could also do you a sandwich for lunch time and pop it in the fridge? If you can when DH gets home have a quick shower and get yourself off to bed. Tomorrow see if you feel up to leaving your LO on a jungle gym or in his crib for 5 mind while you grab a quick shower and then start your day with your thermos in hand! My DS is four months today he is not a sleeper he does 20 minute power naps I found having a system to just shower and grab a bite to eat has got me through it - good luck OP I promise this too shall pass

It really will get better, although it may not feel like it at the moment! I found the first 6-8 weeks very hard and would often cry when I was exhausted! Around 9 weeks everything started to click in to place, hang in there
Also, accept help! It will make all the difference

Is he gaining weight? Lots of full wet nappies?

My DS was horrendous for the first 6 weeks. Turned out he had a severe tongue tie which wasn't picked up despite numerous breastfeeding support groups and midwife checks.

He was not a happy baby at all.

Was put on a waiting list for his tongue tie to be snipped but couldn't go on as we were any longer.

DH made a midnight mercy dash to tesco for formula. Like a light had been switched instantly a much much much happier baby.

Not saying formula is the magic bullet but don't struggle on any longer if YOU don't want to.