AIBU to cry?

[Penguin27]

I was going to put this in AIBU, but wasn't brave enough.

DS is almost 6 weeks old. I know it's normal and common, but I'm so frustrated and exhausted. Last night I couldn't settle him until around 11, he cluster-fed from about 6 PM, then woke up at 1:30 and didn't go back down until gone 5. He was up again at 7 AM. He just won't be put down, every time I try putting him in his next to me crib, he just wakes up and cries. Even now during the day, he will happily sleep on me but soon as I try to put him down he wakes up. When I do manage to get him to go to sleep, his fidgeting keeps me awake...

He just seems so uncomfortable. He seems to have tummyache a lot, even in his sleep he fidgets and pulls his legs up to his chest and thumps the mattress. I wonder if this could be making him unhappy to be left alone to sleep as he misses the comfort?

And now, even when he's awake, he seems so unhappy, just crying constantly...

I'm knackered, I have a headache, I'm hungry but can't make food whilst holding a baby (or even a cup of tea), I haven't showered and I have to listen to him screaming while I try to wee. So, AIBU to cry? Because I am.

At first he wasn't feeding well at all and went 24hrs without a wee, but they are much more frequent now. He does get very fussy at the breast, will pull himself off and bob his head around whimpering?? That, or he falls asleep within 30 seconds. I do worry he's not getting enough, but haven't had him weighed for a few weeks.

We had the same problem with DD in the next to me crib. Eventually at around 8 weeks we bought a sleepyhead and a Ewan the sheep (used on the womb and white noise setting). Put her down asleep in the sleepyhead and every time she started to stir awake we put the sheep on (obviously we fed her if she woke fully). She slept for 6 hours the first night! I know the sleepyhead isn't recommended and not every one is comfortable with them, but it saved my sanity. And the white noise helped me get to sleep as I couldn't hear her fidgeting.

Yes we've got Ewan, that's on pretty much constantly while I'm trying to settle him in the evening. The next to me is actually the other side of the bed, next to DP, on advice from the midwife as DS didn't settle at all at first because of the smell of my milk.

Penguin27 why don't you phone grandparents and ask if they'd like to come with you to take baby to be weighed then after you could have an hour or 2 nap? That way they're being involved, an you won't feel like you're just using them! Which isn't really the case tbh and you shouldn't feel bad! They've had babies they (presumably) know how exhausting it is!!

How long do you wind your baby before you put them down to sleep? It sounds like they are suffering with trapped wind. In the early days it's pretty much always wind which seems to upset babies and prevent them sleeping. My baby had this and would moan and cry all night long. I could never put her down and she refused to lie flat. I gave up dairy and gluten which helped relieve some of the symptoms whilst I was breast feeding, and learnt to wind her during feeds and after for at least 20 mins after every feed, even if that meant waking her up. Also my daughter has reflux, which wasnt diagnosed until she was nearly 4 months. But once we put her on the medication we found that it really made a big difference to her sleeping and settling herself in her cot. Suddenly she could sleep without feeding to sleep or lying on me, it felt like a miracle! If you have concerns I would recommend talking to your gp and/or trying to book a private appointment with a paediatrician to get your baby checked out sooner. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you feel that something isn't right. I wish I'd listened to my gut feeling, instead of letting people convince me she was just a colicky baby, and taken her to a paediatrician sooner. It was worth every penny as suddenly she was no longer in pain and discomfort and we finally new what was wrong. The first few months are so challenging, but you will get through it.

A screaming crying baby is not normal. Having a newborn is hard but it's not that hard. Something is bothering him.

My first port of call would be to get him weighed. Then you have more of an idea what's going on with him. My gut instinct from what you've posted is that he's hungry. It's a really easy one to assess, give him some formula, see if he's any happier. If he isn't then one bottle of formula is not going to ruin breastfeeding. Or set him on a path of eating Mcdonalds for breakfast and failing to all his gcses like militant pro breastfeeders would have you believe.

offers you a big hug

Hope you get to the bottom of it and you get to enjoy newborn sleepy cuddles with him soon.

The OP said in an earlier post that her DP gives a bottle every night but he doesn't settle after that either. So presumably they would have spotted if he was hungry.

Cry away as it’s tough and tiring and hopefully a good cry will help you feel a bit better again. I wonder if you can get some sleep in the evening before bedtime? I used to sleep around 7pm-9.30pm after feeding ds I left him to have a wee play and bath with daddy/whoever else popped in that evening and I slept for a blissful few hours. Those hours enabled me to survive the feeding and unrest overnight in those early days.

Please do accept help- I would love love love to snuggle a wee baby for a while and I do think most people would be delighted to be asked. And it would be a pleasure for them and a help for you.

This too shall pass. It really will. 💕

Thanks you everyone. I've managed to get a few hours sleep tonight, so hopefully today won't be as hard.

Beans, I think the problem could be that I don't wind him enough/properly, especially at night. Sometimes when he's gone to sleep on the breast, I don't even think about it and just put him down so that I can try and rest (or clean and tidy as a PP said).

I wonder if he does have reflux as the last few days I've noticed his spit-up his watery and clear rather than milky. I've got a HV appointment next week and his first GP check the following week, should I make an appointment sooner?

6 weeks is a well known growth spurt OP, he's upping your supply.

Please consider sling/co-sleeping, sounds like he just wants comfort. Neither of mine settled in a cot/basket.

Aw it’s tough op. You’re doing a great job. It’s a long time since I’ve had a newborn but my small contribution - absolutely call on your inlaws or parents just to have the baby for an hour whilst you pop to the shop, or go for a walk, or even just have a bath in peace. That simple hour does amazing things to revitalise and refresh you. Or it did me!

He sounds colicky- have you tried gripe water etc? Definitely wind loads, spent most of my waking time feeding then winding my windy colicky kids

You can do a quick check of his weight by carrying him on the scales with you and working out the difference. My ds was the same and turns out he was crazy hungry at that time, HV suggested offering a bottle after each breastfeed and for a couple of weeks he took half a bottle after almost every feed. That and reflux, if he’s contorting / arching his back with screaming and sickness , this is something you could look into as the meds for this transformed our ds into a completely easier, happier baby!

Sorry you’re having it so tough. See if your dp can take half a night with him before one of his days off where he does all the settling and feeding - half a night won’t ruin your supply. Put some headphones in to block out noise and sleep in another room if you can / have your dp stay downstairs etc - I did this maybe 5-10 times in the first few months and it saved me at my lowest times!

He does get very fussy at the breast, will pull himself off and bob his head around whimpering

Op, not sure if anyone else has suggested this but I would definitely get your ds checked for tongue tie. Fussing and bobbing on and off is a sign of tongue tie. Make sure he is examined properly as tongue tie can easily be missed.

YANBU to cry. Those first weeks are so tough. I second buying a thermos flask, stocking the fridge with bottles of water, drinks to grab and getting DH to leave you a sandwich. It gets easier, I promise.

So my boy is 7 weeks and I just am starting to feel normal. When he was 4/5 weeks old I found it particularly tough. He has reflux but it took me a while to figure out a) that’s what it was b) the way of handling it that suited us.

Sleep wise short term - hand the baby to your partner, get some ear plugs and take a nap. My partner sends me off to the spare room as when I’m overtired I’m also super sensitive to his every move.

If you are breastfeeding I’d highly recommend getting down to either your local breastfeeding clinic (mine are listed on red book) or a La Leche League group. This would help you rule out feeding issues leading to taking in too much air, or tongue tie as cause. I agree that the level of crying is more than just babies cry iyswim. The thrashing around sounds like my son on his back. Things like tilting cot, keeping him upright for half hour post feed, sling and funnily enough NOT winding him too vigorously help. It’s a bit trial and error though to identify. I just went through and ruled out the feeding issues, then tried over the counter for wind, then went to doctors/health visitor.

I’m currently typing this with him sat upon my legs - don’t quite dare put him down again! But I’ve had four hours and that’s surprisingly ok.

I felt fairly crazy for a couple of weeks. I feel like I’ve started to understand what works for now, but to get me to that point I needed sleep. All I needed was an extra hour or two. I really recommend priorisiting that, which will help give you some energy to explore things that will help your son too.

I cried all the time when my dd2 was a baby. I had no issues at all with sleep with dd1 so it was a massive shock to me. Anyway with dd2 I also had dd1 who was 5 when she was born so I had no sleep, a jealous 5 year old, school runs, house to sort, reading/homework with dd1 it was horrendous for the first 3 months. Then it changed. Dd2 got her own little personality and would sit in her chair or swing and watch us and dd1 began to make her laugh. I was able to sit dd2 in the swing or chair in the kitchen while I prepped dinner or washed up and things. So although it doesn’t feel like it right now it does get better so there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Also regarding the housework and things ripe some friends and family in! My mum used to come and sit and have a brew with us then wash up and do a bit of tidying. She would take dd1 for a bit to the park or something. Also I had a couple of friends that would take dd1 after school for tea or come round to the house and have a natter and a brew. Do you have any other support? Also baby groups are good you’ll find there are a lot in the same situation. It doesn’t matter that baby is tiny is about support for parents too

I have a 4 week old and a 3 year old. Co-sleeping, a sling and a swing have saved my sanity.
As PPs have said take all the help you can get. Every parent has been where you are now so they are offering for a reason!
Soup is also a good lunch. Bung it in one of those microwaveable plastic pots with a handle and you can drink it. Also I don’t eat at mealtimes at the moment. I eat when I can. Yesterday I had lunch at 11.15 because she was settled for 5 mins. Thank god I did because I was then tied up feeding and trying to wind her for ages.
DD will settle in the car or if taken for a walk -consider it if it works just to give you peace from the crying for a little while.
It does get better and that’s thought is getting me through at the moment!

I appreciate all the suggestions. Welshcake, I hadn't thought of tongue tie but will look into going to a local BF clinic or ask the HV when I see her. Come to think of it, at his 24hr newborn check the midwife mentioned that she couldn't be sure if he had tongue tie or not, but it was never mentioned again.

KMoKMo, my DP suggested the same last night about taking him out in the pram to try to settle him and then leave him sleeping in the pram when we get back. Also has the added bonus of getting me some fresh air and exercise which should help me to relax and destress a little. I'll definitely do that today.

I mentioned reflux to DP this morning but he said that he doesn't think DS is sicky enough for it to be reflux. He does spit-up after most feeds but not excessively and it's not bile coloured or projectile vomit. Not sure. DP said he thinks DS is just being a baby and there's nothing wrong with him (DP is not a Dr!)

Reflux can be just spitting up milk. It can also be silent, so you get discomfort but no sick.

Thanks reetgood, I'll mention it to the HV or GP and get their opinion.