How on earth do I look after a 3-yr-old + newborn who won't be put down?

[mrsroboto]

3-y-o DC can be an angel but also can be a screamy nightmare if he doesn't get exactly what he wants in the right way (typical 3yo behaviour, I hope). He's also still not entirely potty trained and needs prompting/supervising/wiping on potty/toilet which he can sit on for half an hour at a time.
Newborn is 3 weeks old, cries when put down for more than 3 mins and will only sleep for any length of time when being cuddled on someone (i.e. about 3 hours rather than 2 in crib with sleepyhead).

So far I've survived as have had help but next week I'll have a couple of days of doing this alone as DH at work from 6.30am - 7.30pm. I have no idea how I'll make DC1's lunch and tea, entertain him, help him on potty etc and avoid tantrums all on about 3 hours sleep! Even if I could get out the house with the pram I'm terrified of DC1 running off into the road - he's pretty sensible but pavements here are v narrow and blocked up with bins etc so going anywhere on my own is a nightmare.
I thought I'd be ok but I went out with them both and my mum and it was an eye-opener as to how difficult it is just to pop round the corner.

Any tips? I've already had a little cry when DH popped out today for 30 mins, DC1 had a meltdown cos he wanted to go and baby again wouldn't be put down. We have a moses basket, sleepyhead, gentle swinging chair and next2me crib but nothing seems to help during the day. I have a wrap sling I can try but still not convinced I can cook tea wearing him etc.

I'm theoretically happy to put DC1 in front of the TV for more than I usually would but switching it off seems to be a trigger for tantrums, and sitting watching like a zombie tends to be when he wets himself without realising.

Baby in a sling during the day. Toddler on reins when outdoors. Or on a buggy board.

I only have one so can’t really advise, however I used a sling loads with my ds and can only imagine that that would help loads. I used to cook with him in a sling, he’d sleep in it, do the hoovering and all sorts. Hopefully someone with 2 dc will also come along. I’m sure you’ll get into the swing of things soon xx

3 yr old in pushchair, newborn in sling when going out. If you have a wrap sling start using it and you will soon get used to it. I managed everything except the washing up that way ☺

And a newborn sleeping two hours in a crib is brilliant. You can get loads done in two hours.

I have a 3 week old, 4 year old and 7 year old.

Making DC1 feel grown up may help. Giving him special responsibilities which DC2 couldn't do can help him feel important and special.
Slings can help with the baby. I also find that even if they only give you 3 minutes lying down, keep putting them down for that time and hopefully it will get longer.

Remind yourself it is only a phase and shamelessly ask people for help. I have abused every friendship i have and people have been very willing

Get a cotton lycra stretchy wrap sling from eBay. Put newborn in and off you go!
Good luck x

DS2 spent his first year in a sling. I got very good at cooking a meal whilst breastfeeding and simultaneously giving Lego instructions to DS1, who was 3 at the time.

3yo too big for reins really. We have a buggy board but it's a bit of a nightmare on these wonky hilly pavements and quite awkward for me to push - but will help for a bit I'm sure. I can't drive for another 3 weeks either as had c-section.

Sling baby and don't bother with elaborate cooking - just heat up stuff or have sandwiches etc. I had a lot of soup and snacky things (ham, cheese, olives etc) at that stage. The then toddler still loves olives!

Baby in the wrap sling. You can do everything with them in it. Hoover, cook, wipe bums... Go for walks with baby in sling and 3 yr old in buggy.

Slings are great, you'll soon get used to them.

Sling or carrier. DS had silent reflux, hated to be put down, used the sling a lot.

A wrist strap for the toddler then?

the two hours' sleep is at night and my only chance to sleep myself!

thanks for tips. Will dig out the sling (he's only just gotten big enough to reach the minimum recommended weight for it) and see how we go.

I've got the same age gap but baby is now 3 months. In my experience thinking about it and dreading it is worse than it is! You just have to get on with it and if the baby cries, they cry. That's what they do! My only difference is my 3 year old is pretty road safe and wouldn't bolt but I've been super strict with him and we walk everywhere together so when we go out baby is in the sling and he holds my hand. My only major problem problem is keeping the 3 year old quiet and out the way while I put the baby down for a nap and I tend to rely on the iPad for that. Good luck! Its tough but have high expectations of your 3 year old and hopefully they will step up.

The sling will help but you can't really cook until you can put the baby on your back.
Can you up the 3yo's preschool hours?
Make packed lunches the night before.
Batch cook at weekends, or cook once your DH is home to hold the baby (and save some for 3yos tea the next day).
Get a buggy board for the pram and reins for the 3yo.
Accept one or other will cry sometimes.

I think you need to just put the baby down when you need to do something. In a little rocker chair or their pram - even on the floor is safe. If it grizzles for a bit, it won’t come to any harm.
Going out can you get one of those boards for the three year old to stand on or a seat that fixes onto pram? Otherwise a sling for the baby and leave the pram at home. At three they should be safe to walk beside you and stop when told. If your going any distance take a buggy.
Keep life simple. Bath them together with lots of toys for three year old.
Meals can be plain pasta, grated cheese, vegetable sticks or a sandwich for lunch.
Do simple suppers too that everyone can eat - tomato pasta with cheese or prawns ( use a jar of sauce if it’s all too much). Buy a pie and instant mashed potato and just do some vegetables - the homemade ones can wait until you’ve got yourself sorted.
Set up a weekly online shop. Use the same menu every other week so you literally just set a delivery date and pay. Nobody minds having the same meal twice in three weeks.
Stop ironing. Do minimal.cleaning just tidy up, wipe surfaces and load dishwasher.

Please do look up some sling library info, as you say the newborn is only just big enough for it. That suggests to me it's a modern style. Baby's legs are dangling and can face outwards.
For any lengthy time in the sling this style is not great. I'll post some links to the type of stretchy wrap I think would be more comfortable for your baby, and for you

Keep a filled bag in car with spare clothes for both, nappies, wipes and bags and some instant food like breadsticks or dried apricots and a bottle of water, in case you get stuck anywhere. Saves having to carry stuff in and out. Put a changing mat under the safety seat of the three year old to save car seats in case of an accident.

m.ebay.co.uk/itm/BABY-SLING-STRETCHY-WRAP-CARRIER-Extra-light-and-silky-soft-MANY-COLOURS-/173141089520

The no driving for six weeks after a section is a myth. If you are healed, can wear a seat belt and do an emergency stop you should be fine - just check with your insurer. Most let you self certify. Mine wanted a GP appointment. I felt comfortable to drive at 6 days and was signed off to drive when I could get a GP appointment at 11 days (was desperate to drive due to baby in nicu and non driving husband).

thanks - my sling is a Moby wrap (stretchy thing) so have just put him in it and am typing with both hands - hurray!. I remember first time around (with DC1) trying it for the first time a few days post partum and crying because the instructions were too complicated and the wretched sling too long and unmanageable! (Obviously lack of sleep makes me teary!)

eurochick that must've been tough. DH also doesn't drive.

I don't remember DC1 not being able to be put down, but he did grizzle and root very often so I would try to feed him (and then he wasn't always interested) when in hindsight he probably just wanted to be picked up. I'm going to try putting the baby down more and more often to get him used to it - as hoping to get him in some kind of nap routine at some point in the distant future - so any tips for this would also be welcome!

As pp suggested, put baby in a sling. You can do some simple food prep with a newborn in a sling (sandwiches, preparing fruit, microwaving baked beans or eggs), though obviously common sense is needed. Also keep meals simple and indulge in some pre-prepared stuff to make things easier (frozen roast potatoes etc)

Consider borrowing a double buggy for a few weeks (or even buying one secondhand)- you won't need it for very long but it will mean you can get out and about more easily in the short-term.

If you can take the 3 year old out to the park/library/toddler group every day they are likely to be happier, and if you are lucky the fresh air may send your newborn to sleep too. At this stage you also have a great excuse to walk to you local coffee shop and treat yourself and your toddler to some cake whilst the newborn feeds!

Check for reflyx

Could you use the slow cooker for meals so there's nothing hot near the baby?

No other tips, but solidarity as I'll be doing the same come July!!