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Original poster

CAN I MOVE MY DAUGHTER SCHOOL WITHOUT TELLING MY EX

39 replies

Sarajandb · 06/02/2018 11:42

MY DAUGHTER CURRENTLY GOES TO A SCHOOL LOCAL TO MY EX PARTNER, SHE HOWEVER DOES NOT TAKE OR PICK HER UP FROM SCHOOL ANY DAY AND I TRAVEL 40 MILES THERE AND 40 MILES TO COLLECT 3 DAYS A WEEK ONE WEEK AND 4 THE NEXT TO DROP OFF AND COLLECT, MY NEW PARTNER (3 1/2 YEARS) HAS TWO OTHER CHILDREN WHO GO TO OUR LOCAL SCHOOL AND IT WOULD MAKE SCENE FOR HE TO GO TO THE SAME SCHOOL AS WE CAN TAKE AND COLLECT HER EVERY DAY AS OPPOSED TO HER BEEN WITH HER MOTHERS NEIGHBOUR ON HER DAYS. SHE WOULD NEVER AGREE TO THIS. WE HAVE 50/50 BUT NOTHING LEGALLY IN PLACE, CAN I JUST DO THIS ?

OP posts:
MonaTheMoaner · 06/02/2018 11:45

No, you can't do this without her consent. You may be able to win this in court if she doesn't consent as you do the school run and it's costing you a lot of time and fuel.

MonaTheMoaner · 06/02/2018 11:46

How would the mother collect her child from this new school if it's an 80 mile round trip?

Original poster
Sarajandb · 06/02/2018 12:06

The mother doesn't collect her child from school on any day so is irrelevant and she would do if needed in the same way we do every week.

So the best way would be to argue in court that its more beneficial for her to be at our local school. thanks.

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MonaTheMoaner · 06/02/2018 12:08

It does depend on her circumstances though, OP. She asks a neighbour to drop the child to school but is that due to work commitments? Does she have a car and is able to commit to an 80 mile round trip three or four days a week?

These will all be queries raised in court. If it isn't viable for the child to be moved for either the mother or her education, or a combination of both, you won't get your way.

MonaTheMoaner · 06/02/2018 12:10

It will also depend heavily on affordability. For instance, if your household income is higher than hers and hers can't justify the expense of time off/that much fuel/time and cost of public transport it may not be possible.

Lastoftheusernames · 06/02/2018 12:18

Well, you've looked at what would make your life easier. How about thinking about what's best for your DD? If she's settled and has friends at school, how would she feel? Would she do as well at the new school? The court only cares about what's best for her.

If you moved away, it's your responsibility to travel. I assume her mother doesn't collect her herself as she's working, but how would she get her when your DD is supposed to be with her? Is she to finish work and then do an 80 mile round trip to bring her home? If you collect your DD at the moment I assume your work schedule allows this.

Also, caps are usually for shouting.

MonaTheMoaner · 06/02/2018 12:35

YY to everything @Lastoftheusernames said.

You're only considering that it will be easier for you. You think she'd want to be in a school with your new partners DC. She might want it but it may not be what's best for her academically or socially.

Original poster
Sarajandb · 06/02/2018 12:42

Ok, so the school local to us is a much better school, yes she doesn't take her for work but when shes off work she still doesn't bother. She doesn't drive but her partner does. We wanted to change the arrangement to have her during the week and we would be happy to drop her to her on a Friday we wouldn't make it impossible for her to get to her or have her. Despite her partner is also capable of driving her to collect as they have when it suits them. The child is with us more than she is with her although it is supposed to be 3 days week one 4 days week 2 we always have her more. over xmas out of 14 days we had her 12 and we were more than happy to have her but we want something that's more routined and structured so shes not back and forth and it doesn't revolve round running around for her mother because she is too hungover to have her back or has social commitments so wants us to have her extra etc etc. She messes us about when dropping off never in somewhere else hungover bring her later, going out drop her later so we have to run everything around her social commitments or what ever she has planned. She plays god and threatens access to the child constantly shes impossible, unreasonable, screams and shouts. After 4 years I've had enough i want whats best for my daughter and i know that is with us. Shes always ill as she never puts the heating on or wraps her up, shes had her in clothes and shoes too small for her, dirty, she comes with filthy toes and shes never cut her toe nails ever ! shes never taken her dentist or opticians we do it all which were happy to do we want to we just want it to be official but she wont agree because shes more bothered about how she looks to people and admitting shes not the brilliant parent she portrays on social media.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sarajandb · 06/02/2018 12:44

as for moving away and doing the travel we do do the travel ! she wasn't in school when she was 2 years old and she didn't get into the school she should have as her mother despite her saying it would sort it never did the school application so didn't get the school place that was preferred

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Pidlan · 06/02/2018 12:51

So hang on- officially you have 50/50? And who picks your daughter up on the days you don't have her?
Is your daughter's mother very short of money? Clothes and shoes too small because she can't afford new ones, can't afford to put heating on etc etc..?
Who moved away? Was it you or her?
And most important- what does your daughter want?

MonaTheMoaner · 06/02/2018 12:54

If your concerns are this broad you should be contacting social services about neglect and you should also be keeping a written log starting today with how she messes you around, how often you have DD and so on as evidentiary support in court.

She's obviously not going to agree to this so you need to be prepared to back up your claims that your DD is better with you 5 days per week every week and that the school change is beneficial to her. Every note must not be a critique of your ex partner or her new partner but in the greater benefit of your child.

Lastoftheusernames · 06/02/2018 12:55

Her DP may not be on the scene forever and then she would have no way to travel.

This is between your DP - as you are the father's partner, not the father himself - and the girl's mother.

By all means encourage him to take steps to formalise an agreement, but in mediation or court it will be him discussing these details and not you.

MonaTheMoaner · 06/02/2018 12:55

I'm assuming you pay CSA and buy your daughter clothes and shoes too that don't just live at your house. Have you spoken to her mother about your concerns?

PhilODox · 06/02/2018 12:56

Who does the other pick-ups/drop-offs? Confused

Won't your DD be upset about changing schools? What year is she in? This year may he crucial.

SoupDragon · 06/02/2018 13:02

as you are the father's partner, not the father himself

They clearly say “my daughter” several times.

Lastoftheusernames · 06/02/2018 13:04

Soup there's another post about maintenance where this poster is the partner of the father.

Original poster
Sarajandb · 06/02/2018 13:06

No she isn't short of money she simply has the priority of a social life and drinking, going to gigs, on holiday without her child etc etc.
The only time she buys stuff is when she puts it on a catalogue doesn't pay it then try's to milk money out of us claiming poverty !

The child would love to move school ! she is the same age as my son and they are in the same year. she also knows many of his friends wo would be in her class as he has play dates and friends over for tea and all of the girls and boys have been at birthday parties which she is always at and she gets invited to some of those closer school friends also. She would miss her best friend but we have her around for tea and weekend sleepovers too so that wouldn't effect anything. The mothers neighbour takes her to school on her days. she pays no childcare.

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user1493413286 · 06/02/2018 13:08

I actually think you probably could just move her as when my DSD changed schools her dad has never had to sign anything.
However I don’t think you should do it without her mums agreement or a court order as from what you’ve said I imagine it will cause a lot of trouble.
It sounds like it would be in your DDs best interests to live with you full time with a child arrangements order to reflect that so her Mum can’t threaten to keep hold of her and in that scenario I think it’s fair for her to move schools as that’s a lot of travelling for a child and puts her friends at quite a distance away

Original poster
Sarajandb · 06/02/2018 13:09

there is 2 posts. we are both sat together.
To clarify we are not a new relationship we have been together for 3 1/2 years and the 3 children have a very close bond. she hates to go home as shes on her own and her mother does nothing with her. Where at our house she has the two boys and we do so much with the kids.

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Original poster
Sarajandb · 06/02/2018 13:12

We are both from the area where she lives with her mum and both sets of our family are in that area we are there regular. hes closest friends are actually relatives of mine and my best friends both of which she has a regular relationship with outside school. play dates, tea after school sleepovers etc. This area is quite a rough area and we live in a nice area on a new housing development with a much better school she has lots of friends around us as she spends mosvt weekends and evenings with us. Shes said many times she would loe to go to the boys school so she can see her friends here.

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welshmist · 06/02/2018 13:13

Start keeping a daily diary. log everything

k2p2k2tog · 06/02/2018 13:14

Poor kid playing piggy in the middle.

welshmist · 06/02/2018 13:14

I would also use photographic evidence.

Pidlan · 06/02/2018 13:15

Who moved away then? You or the child's mother?
I know someone who made preparations to move their child to a different school without the knowledge of another parent, and this was referred to negatively in a subsequent court case. If you want to move her, you need to get residency through the proper channels first.

Pidlan · 06/02/2018 13:16

Sorry, x post. So you moved away from your partner's daughter, and now want her to move schools because the journey is a bit long. Am I getting that right?