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Parenting

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Original poster

CAN I MOVE MY DAUGHTER SCHOOL WITHOUT TELLING MY EX

39 replies

Sarajandb · 06/02/2018 11:42

MY DAUGHTER CURRENTLY GOES TO A SCHOOL LOCAL TO MY EX PARTNER, SHE HOWEVER DOES NOT TAKE OR PICK HER UP FROM SCHOOL ANY DAY AND I TRAVEL 40 MILES THERE AND 40 MILES TO COLLECT 3 DAYS A WEEK ONE WEEK AND 4 THE NEXT TO DROP OFF AND COLLECT, MY NEW PARTNER (3 1/2 YEARS) HAS TWO OTHER CHILDREN WHO GO TO OUR LOCAL SCHOOL AND IT WOULD MAKE SCENE FOR HE TO GO TO THE SAME SCHOOL AS WE CAN TAKE AND COLLECT HER EVERY DAY AS OPPOSED TO HER BEEN WITH HER MOTHERS NEIGHBOUR ON HER DAYS. SHE WOULD NEVER AGREE TO THIS. WE HAVE 50/50 BUT NOTHING LEGALLY IN PLACE, CAN I JUST DO THIS ?

OP posts:

MonaTheMoaner · 06/02/2018 13:17

Agree to use written and photographic evidence.

Technically you can just move her schools but once the mother finds out and you go to court as you both have parental responsibility, the court are only going to look down on you for doing so without consent or obtaining permission via the mother and mediator or court.

That's not a position you want to be in when you want more access and for her to stay at that school. All the court will say is you should have been more mature to put the interests of the child above you and the mother disagreeing. You are far better to go to court first before making this move.

CotswoldStrife · 06/02/2018 13:19

I think the OP moved away, otherwise they'd have said it was the mother

If you have concerns OP then raise them through the correct channels. It's odd that you have never formalise contact arrangements if you are so bothered about them. How long ago did you move away?

MonaTheMoaner · 06/02/2018 13:21

You say the child was two when you were together so the child can't be any older than 6 at a push.

It seems like you're expressing disdain towards DD's mother which is not best practice. If you were so concerned you would have called social services by now. The court is going to see this as you just vying for residency and a school closer to you so you can all play happy families easier with only weekend access for the mother. You need evidence to back up your claims as they see this all too often.

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Original poster

Sarajandb · 06/02/2018 13:26

we are going to start logging pictures and recordings of her been unreasonable or admitting to be too drunk to have her back on her days. photos of her when shes not been bather or is filthy or clothes don't fit her.

OP posts:

Original poster

Sarajandb · 06/02/2018 13:27

we will be seeking a solicitor for a residency order. and will put in the request and supporting evidence to see if we can change her schools.

OP posts:

MonaTheMoaner · 06/02/2018 13:27

But you're not concerned enough to involve social services??

welshmist · 06/02/2018 13:31

mona the moaner has a good point, why have you not involved social services when you say

CotswoldStrife · 06/02/2018 13:35

I am noticing a tendency for the OP to ignore any questions about their part in this - moving away, not contacting relevant agencies, no formal contact arrangements

Lastoftheusernames · 06/02/2018 13:38

When it goes to court, Cafcass will be involved if it's deemed serious enough, and will make an assessment and recommendation.

Wetwashing00 · 06/02/2018 13:41

Reading both posts it seems like you are finding all the travelling a pain in the arse, this however does not mean you can get out of paying child maintence.

If you are finding this so called 50/50 split unfair in you, you should try to negotiate new terms either through mediation if you need it or take it to court.
Any other issues you have regarding the mother caring (or not) for the child, should be dealt with. Withholding child maintence payments will Not solve those issues

welshmist · 06/02/2018 13:45

CotswoldStrife Tue 06-Feb-18 13:35:32
I am noticing a tendency for the OP to ignore any questions about their part in this - moving away, not contacting relevant agencies, no formal contact arrangements

I presumed it was the partner who was speaking on behalf of the OP.

Either that or a media person looking for an article.

FannyWisdom · 06/02/2018 13:58

It all sounds very inconvenient for your new family OP.
I can't help but wonder....
If you have 3/7 + 4/7 -(and all the extra time when exDW is pissed or on jollies) then surely if the child is dirty, underfed and ill clothed its your fault because you have the majority care?
Why don't you wash the child? Why don't you buy clothes that fit?

MonaTheMoaner · 06/02/2018 14:29

@FannyWisdom that's what I asked earlier upthread. If OP has 50/50 or 60/40 or even 70/30 they're equally responsible for buying clothes and shoes that fit that don't just live at their house.

If DD's mum is struggling it's up to OP (or DP depending on who's posting) to support and address concerns regarding their DD.

There are two sides to the story and I think there may be a reason OP hasn't contacted formal channels of support - perhaps because they know DD's mum isn't a lax carer.

Lastoftheusernames · 06/02/2018 14:48

What happened before the DD was at school? Who was she principally looked after? Was she in childcare? That will be taken into consideration by the court.

If it was her DM and contact has now become an issue as you are doing school pick ups etc, the court may see through this and how much easier your life would be with her living with you.

As I said previously, awarding residency to you when there has been a 50/50 split previously will only happen if you have a very strong and real argument she's better off that way.

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