Babies sleeping alone early evening

[eeanne]

I know the SIDS guidelines say don’t let baby sleep alone until 6 months. But my 2 month old is starting to become aware of noise and light, and won’t settle in the bassinet in the living room anymore.

With DC1 I think by 2.5 months we were putting her down in the bedroom and then leaving her until one of us was ready for bed. We live in a flat and can easily pop in to check and can hear everything. So thinking we should do the same again.

But I’m wondering if I’m being a bad parent ignoring the guidelines. What do others do? Always stay with baby every minute they’re asleep?

There have been loads of threads about this recently and there are generally two camps:

• I did it at ... weeks and my child is fine. They're only guidelines.

• The guidelines are there for a reason. 2-3 months is peak SIDS time and no monitors/doors open/ checking on baby is going to help if the baby has stopped breathing (they're not meant to sleep deeply because they forget to breathe- being with parents breathing/hearing their heartbeat helps to prevent them sleeping so deeply).

Ultimately it's up to you. But I'd say m, on this topic, read the research and the guidelines and then make your choice rather than the opinions of anonymous people.

This boils down to your appetite for risk and nothing else. It’s so hard, I understand as I have serious anxiety re SIDS x

The advice to be in the same room is because your baby regulates their breathing from yours. An open door doesn’t cut it.

I do understand op as I have a teenager , a preteen and a 3 month old.

The bigger ones were left alone to sleep in the evenings with a baby monitor and I checked in on them. I stay with my baby once he's settled though , I just watch tv on my tablet and bring a flask of tea and snacks to bed with me.

So much has changed in terms I guidelines since 2000 (yes my age gaps are that big) but I'm just following what I read. That goes for weaning and bottle feeding also.

I understand that staying with your baby must be more difficult if you have other small children though.

My understanding is it’s about noise and not letting the baby sleep too deeply. So an open door in a small flat (I can hear DH clanking his fork at the dining table from our bed) seems like it would be suitable.

DH will pick up traveling for work soon and I don’t see how I’ll be able to not let the baby out of my sight ever unless I keep her awake I’m ready for bed.

I support the guidelines but I struggle to see how anyone implements them.

Turn down the lighting in the sitting room?
Get an under mattress movement sensor and a clip on nappy sensor?
Personally I wouldnt have been able to relax if DS was elsewhere but these things could help?

MagicFajita I have a 2 year old also and I’m barely getting it together to get baby to sleep at all between toddlers bedtime and my need to eat food esp as I’m breastfeeding.

What we did was basically put DS down at 7pm in Moses I’m living room with low light and low tv volume (so with teletext) until he was 13 weeks and too large for the portable Moses.
He then went up at 7pm and checked every 40mins.

Again though...that’s just what we did.

eeane I also understand best research suggests it's about noise. On that logic I think your plans sound completely reasonable.

I'm sure I read that having a ticking clock in the baby's room serves to reduce the risk. Probably unproven but makes sense from a noise/breathing rate perspective.

Op I had a 21mo gap and once DD was in bed, I took DS downstairs with me, kept the lights low until he fell asleep on me and then I'd turn the tv on. I wouldn't move him until I was going up to bed. If I had to do something, he went in the sling.

By about 5mo it was more difficult to settle so id settle him upstairs and stay with him, swapping with DH if we needed to go downstairs and then we'd watch something on the iPad.

I don't think it's noise as such, it's the noise of you that they've had in the womb- breathing and heartbeat.

It sounds like you want to put him to bed. That's ok, loads of people do it and you know the risks. But it's unfair to ask internet people to agree with going against the guidelines.

It's really tough but it is a short time until the bigger scheme and you will get through!

I can see how that's tricky @eeanne. I hope you find a solution that works for you and your children.

We went to bed with DD until she was 5 months old, she basically never slept in the living room with us as she was and still is such an alert baby we would have had to sit in the dark and silence!

Expecting ds in a few weeks time and not sure how things will pan out this time. DD will only be 14 months old, therefore there will be times where ds will need to be left with a monitor. We have no family support and therefore logistically speaking there won't be another way.

I think the guidelines are great and easy to implement when you have 1 baby, however when that increases to 2, especially with very small age gaps, the guidelines are no longer possible to adhere to 100%.

Dc2 went in the next room in the pram from about 2-5 months, so again darker and quieter but not pitch black.

Dc1 only settled in silent pitch darkness from about 6w so in the end we gave in and put her to bed upstairs rather than have nightmare evenings for everyone.

It's up to you with your own personal risk appraisal. We decided it was ok for us as we were following all the other advice - cool room, on back etc

If baby isn't sleeping when you are asleep could you work to have them go to sleep later? It would help having baby awake later in the evening so they can be with you in the living room then would sleep through the night (hopefully) and you'll get more sleep. I know its not that easy, and it's easy for me to suggest but it does sound like baby's sleep patterns aren't compatible with yours.

We started to put our dd to sleep in our bedroom on her own at 4 months. This worked for us and I was comfortable with it at this point as we were out of the riskiest time for cot death. We co-slept otherwise and I felt I knew her sleep well enough to feel ready for it (we slept together the rest of the time). Before that, she slept in a wrap, which you might try if you feel it's too soon to be separated in the evening. That worked well and we'll probably do the same next time around as well.

I or DH just had an early dinner and went up with the baby. It helped with really setting night routines as well. That night times are for bedtime. In the cot. In the dark.
And day time naps were in the Moses basket downstairs.
It’s boring but it’s for a VERY short period of your life.
Also I often volunteered to be the one going up. I would take a nice cup of tea and my iPad and get some peace and also a few precious extra hours of sleep.

We do have two kids so we did their bedtime routine together and then with DS2 under my arm, I went and settled DS1 (admittedly he’s six and doesn’t need much help) and I read him a story while i breastfed DS2. Then burp him, bring him back to our bedroom and settle him for the night. Once asleep, pop back downstairs to check DS1 was okay, quick kiss goodnight. And send a text to DH to please bring a steaming cup of tea for me upstairs.

It meant we didn’t have much time together- DH and I unless he came to bed at the same time BUT I got more rest and again it was for a few months. I actually got DH to do all the housework during that time. So he did the laundry, sterilising, a general tidy up, quick hoover if necessary. It was great. I would wake up fairly well rested because of those few extra hours of sleep to a clean downstairs!

My baby only ever slept upstairs in his crib then cot. I always had the video monitor on and checked on him regularly.
I hate Moses baskets so I'd never ever use one. And despite guidelines I don't see the need for a baby to be in the room with you during the day. Based on the assumption that you're wide awake and can check on them.
It's your choice. Do what you feel is best.

We put dd to bed upstairs (in our room) on her own from about 3 months with the monitor/camera on her.

I took the view that I was probably paying her more attention than I would if I was asleep in there beside her.....

I’m wondering if the breathing thing is real, then putting baby to sleep in a cot in the same room but far away would be a no-no right?

Surely no way DC can hear me breathing when I’m sat at the dining table and she’s in a bassinet in the other side of the room.

I also feel the distinction between parents being asleep vs awake must matter. The guidelines don’t seem to take that into account.

The facts are that as the causes of SIDS remain unknown the guidelines can only make suggestions based on results of studies. And the studies have shown that it is safer for babies to be asleep in the same room as their parent or caregiver. That’s the actual same room. Not live via video link or on a “monitor mat” (which are actually pretty useless) or anything else. It’s in the actual room.

This may be due to noise, it may be due to breathing of the parent stimulating breathing of baby, it may be because babies are NOT designed to be left and maybe there is an ancient inbuilt sensor that tells the baby they’ve been abandoned as nature wouldn’t have a teeny baby left alone in such a way... or it may be something we haven’t discovered yet.
Breastfeeding can reduce risk of SIDS by 70% as well. And the risk is very small. So parents can decide what to do with the guidelines- follow or ignore. But they can’t make up crap alternatives and pretend they are the same or will have the same protective effect, sorry.

There is a lot of SIDS research. Fairly easy to look it up. It has to do with breathing and remembering to breathe.
It’s fine to decide not to follow guidelines but you don’t need to diss the extensive research.

I followed the guidelines, to me the risk was not worth it. I do know someone who put their baby in their own room from 6 weeks but she is the only one. Everyone else I know had baby with them.

We haven't really solved this conundrum, so basically DD (11 weeks) is just downstairs with us until 9:30-10:00pm when I take her to bed. I don't try to get her to sleep, she just plays/eats/naps as she does during the day. So her nighttime begins at about 9:30pm rather than 7:00pm and then she sleeps late. However this only really works because she's our first baby and I don't have to be anywhere in the morning.

We did it from 4 weeks. If your instinct tells you not to do it then don't. You know best. It worked for us. She had a safe sleeping environment, correct temperature, no loose covers, on back etc. Newborns tend to wake up every few hours anyway, plus video monitor and popping our heads in meant she was never left for too long. At 8 months old now it makes bedtime so much easier as there's been no transition!