Baby cries and cries - what am I doing wrong?

[pomadas87]

DD is 8 weeks now and after an okay start, the past few weeks have been a real battle and I just don't know what I'm doing wrong as she seems so unhappy.

I'm pretty sure she has reflux - perhaps silent reflux as she doesn't vomit or even spit up excessively? However every single feed is a fight and it seems like we're both left traumatised!! The GP gave us baby Gaviscon but it doesn't seem to be helping.

• She is incredibly fussy at the breast, then the most frantic feeder once latched. She'll then go off and on, panting manically, for about 5 mins max. She'll then break off, go bright red and then the screaming crying starts.
• after feeding she goes all rigid in whatever position I try to hold and comfort her - even tiger in the tree or over my knee
• she hates the swing and bouncer and screams if put in there
• the only way to get her to stop crying is to put her in a sling, she'll scream for about 5 mins then grizzle for another 10 and then drift off to sleep

I just feel like I'm doing something wrong - I can't seem to offer her any comfort and feeding her is such a horrible experience I feel like I'm failing her and she seems so distressed.

What can I do to make her happier? Is there a better way to comfort and hold her when she's crying hysterically?

Had the same, took her to a cranial osteopath. Next day she was a totally different baby.

They fixed her!

I have heard good things about cranial osteopathy, I have an appointment later this week!

Is there anything I can do differently at home in the meantime however?

My sister had this with her youngest, it turned out he was allergic to eggs. As soon as she stopped eating eggs he was fine.

Without all details, it really sounds like silent reflux, see GP asap for ranitidine.

Sounds familiar!

You could consider:

• tongue tie? Particularly with the fussiness at the breast
• let down, is it particularly fast? Mine was and DS would sometimes get fussy because of this. It would also result in a sore tummy
• holding upright after a feed. I did this for 20-30 minutes, couldn't put him down on his back any sooner or he'd go crazy
• cmpa/other allergies? I noticed a total change in baby once I cut out dairy
• ranitidine. Never tried gaviscon but ranitidine took the edge off

I remember at a few months old I went back to the GP and started with "so, the thing is, he is just never happy". I told him that I was giving him my all, every fibre of me was doing everything I possibly could and it still wasn't enough and that for the majority of the time he was an extremely unhappy baby! Horrible feeling. Hope things get better soon

I asked about ranitidine at the GP's and he wouldn't prescribe it as he said it's more for specialists, not GPs. I might ask if I can see someone different as he wasnt very sympathetic at all

8days I know the feeling! I just wonder if she's actually just an unhappy baby?!

Firstly you’re almost certainly not ‘doing it wrong’. She’s a tiny baby and stuff is overwhelming for both of you. It’s really tough but she will totally pick up on your anxiety so try to stay calm. Definitely worth going to gp and also see if altering diet has any obvious effect. The other thing to consider is - Is she getting enough sleep? My dd had awful colic ( along with reflux) and screamed for hours every day. My health visitor basically told me that tiny babies really can’t sleep too much so to make sure she was fed, clean and if those were done then get her to sleep. It worked at treat. If nothing else it lowered my expectations and allowed me to focus on sorting the reflux and enjoying snuggles with a snoozy baby.

GPs can prescribe it but sometimes refuse as technically isn’t licensed for children. Ask to see another GP, if they won’t prescribe it ask for referral. Make sure you have an up to date weight for baby or they might use that as an excuse to delay.

How much sleep is she getting? Agree with a PP that babies can't sleep too much at this age so try anything that works to get her to nap.

I had two reflux babies, one silent, and it sounds refluxy to me. Gaviscon is pretty useless but has it helped at all? It is hard to administer to a breastfed baby but it does need to be given after every feed to be effective.

See another GP. Many are completely uninformed about infant reflux. Make a fuss until you get ranitidine. Speak to your HV, they can often contact the GP surgery directly. They can also help you to investigate a tongue tie. My more severely affected DD seemed to find it comforting if I lay her face down over my lap and rubbed her back.

In the meantime, upright as much as possible. Feed little and often rather than big feeds. There is also frequently an association between CMPI and reflux so you could try eliminating dairy from your diet.

Omeprazole is another option instead of ranitidine. Not sure if they're more likely to prescribe it but it can be very effective for silent reflux.

Have you tried colic remedies like Infacol?

The going rigid sounds like tummy pain. My aunt and SIL both had babies with cows milk protein allergy and had a similar experience to you. Both took months to get diagnosed.

I'd insist on a referral and maybe try cutting dairy in the meantime to see if it helps?

I haven't got any advice for you OP but lots of support. My ndn's dd1 screamed for about 8 months. I sat watching the tv every night feeling so bad for her and every time I saw her I asked if I could help etc.
She's now a tantrummy 2 year old at times but a lovely little girl. Hang in there - as many cuddles as you can stand noise wise and worst case, pram and headphones.

Might not be a helpful idea, but have you tried feeding in the sling? If the position is more comfortable for her it might help?

What’s her weight like? And is she your first baby? Some of what you’d escribe is normal.. the going rigid has happened to all my three and was caused by trapped wind. As soon as they hit 5/6 months they grew out of it but in the meantime I had to do endless winding to free it.
My dc3 is 10 weeks and also quite fussy at the breast, especially when hungry. He also needs to be held all day long or in a sling (this is just how babies are!). If the gaviscon isn’t helping then go back to GP.. they may refer you to a paed for a proper diagnosis. I wouldn’t start cutting things out of your diet though without professional help

Pom I eventually worked out what the problem was (dairy, soya and egg allergy) and he was much MUCH happier afterwards. I sometimes still feel awful thinking about those first few months when he was in constant pain . I felt a lot of health care professionals made me think that his crying was normal, and "all babies posset" (DSs reflux wasn't silent and he spit up considerably after EVERY feed). Don't let anyone think you are over reacting or being a precious first time Mum (if this is your first of course).

But, that said, at 18 months old he's still a moany, high needs velcro child, so maybe it wasn't ALL just the reflux 😅

I haven’t the same issues as you, but have found local breastfeeding support to be extremely helpful with my slightly milder reflux issue.

You could try the la Leche league helpline, they will call you back ‭0345 120 2918‬

Or have a search on Facebook for groups near you, I used the ‘baby buddy’ app to find local feeding support groups.

My baby had silent reflux and had gaviscon which I was told to give half way though a breastfeed! I asked for renitidne when I went back to work because I had to force feed him gaviscon and didn't want the people looking after him having to go through that and the dr just prescribed it. I was told it's more expensive and that's why it's not the go to treatment for reflux

Colic? X

Thanks everyone. In answer to questions - yes DD is my first baby and she is a good weight (98th percentile) and gaining well. This is another reason the GP didn't think it was cause for concern but I literally feel like I'm force feeding her when she's screaming so much.

We have tried Infacol and Gripe Water - I think the latter helped a tiny bit but it's awful to administer as she screams and spits it all out basically. The Gaviscon is also a nightmare to give her with a spoon as she won't take a bottle (screams even more than if offered a breast). Gaviscon not having any effect. I always burp her and try to keep her upright as much as possible.

The question about sleep is tricky as we really don't have a routine and every day is different. I think she is getting around 16 hours a day. She will nap all afternoon if I put her in the pram and walk and walk and walk - I'm scared to go home really. I wonder if she is tired a lot of the time as she yawns a lot but she fights sleep. I also thought smaller frequent feeds were better so I wasn't sure napping so much was a good idea?

Any tips for getting her to sleep? She screams so much it is hard to get into a comfortable position to rock/comfort her. I've never been able to just sit on the sofa with her snoozing in my arms, as she thrashes around crying.

She screams so much it is hard to get into a comfortable position to rock/comfort her. I've never been able to just sit on the sofa with her snoozing in my arms, as she thrashes around crying.

This sounds exactly like my DD - only way we could get her to sleep was walking around with her upright on our shoulders - she suffered from reflux and omeprazole was the only thing that helped in the end. Honestly, she changed entirely within 48 hours of the first dose. Gaviscon is utter crap IMO, I am sure there are plenty of success stories with it out there, but it's made exactly zero difference to any of the reflux babies I know (five).

clueless how is the omeprazole given? Is it with a pipette or spoon? The Gaviscon is such a faff with the powder mixture.

Gripe water is a mild antacid so if it is reflux that could be why it helps. The best thing to do is see a different GP if possible with support from your HV if necessary.