Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Child who cannot use a knife

48 replies

Funkyslippers · 25/01/2018 15:48

One of DD's friends (year 4) comes over for tea quite a bit but she only ever uses a fork to eat. I don't usually say anything but last week I served spag bol and she used her fingers in place of the knife to pile the food on the fork. As a result her hands were extremely mucky throughout. At one point I saw her hand disappear and it looked as though she was wiping it under the table. I handed her a napkin but I am really against kids touching their food when at this age they should know how to use cutlery. How would you handle this? Say something to her or just make sure I have plenty of napkins?!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BluebellTheDonkey · 25/01/2018 16:01

Poor kid, she probably felt really embarrassed. Not her fault if she's never been shown how. In the future I would just serve meals that are easy to eat with a fork - not spag bol!!! - and plonk the kitchen towel in the middle of the table. DO NOT say anything to the child!

Hillingdon · 25/01/2018 16:05

I have a relative who rarely uses a knife and fork! They are in year 5!

The parents just sit there. I wish I had the nerve to say that someone at school likely to spot this and make rude comments but they are very sensistive.

Elmosmum · 25/01/2018 16:14

I can't eat spaghetti Bol with a knife! I'd teach her how to twist the fork to eat it!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting Primary education

Ohyesiam · 25/01/2018 16:17

Spag bol with a knife and fork?

GrowThroughWhatYouGoThrough · 25/01/2018 16:18

My stepdaughter use to do this. We taught her to hold a knife and how to use it. Everyone else uses a knife and fork so she needed to as well. However with spaghetti I would have done spoon and fork

Havingahorridtime · 25/01/2018 16:24

You can’t eat spaghetti Bol using a knife and fork, a spoon and fork is the correct way so you can use the spoon to help wind the spaghetti onto the fork. Sadly my teenager can’t eat spaghetti properly despite me showing him a million times so I now refuse to serve him spaghetti and give him pasta twists instead as it annoys the hell out of me to watch him eat spaghetti.

Original poster

Funkyslippers · 25/01/2018 16:31

Well we don't always know in advance if she's coming for tea so I can't always plan ahead

Yes ok, spag bol isn't eaten with a knife generally but some kids like to cut up the spaghetti

My question was whether I should show her how to use a knife as I really don't want her sticking her fingers in the food. But it's probably not my place to do so. I don't think her parents have ever shown her

OP posts:

BluthsFrozenBananas · 25/01/2018 16:43

She might have problems with coordination, rather than not know how to use a knife and fork together. My DD has only recently, now aged ten, been able to use both together.

She doesn't have any kind of diagnosed Sen, she's just always been slightly behind on her fine motor skills. She would be really embarrassed if a friend's parent tried to 'teach' her how to eat. Just make sure she has something to wipe her fingers on, and if necessary remind her to use it rather than her clothes or your table.

NorthernSpirit · 25/01/2018 18:05

This drives me nuts. I have 2 DSC 9 & 12 who stay with us EOW and I personally find their eating habits poor. They eat most things with their hands.

My OH has stated getting super nanny over it. They default back to eating with their hands but we remind them to use cutlery and show them how to use it. At 9 & 12 they should be using cutlery.

Mum won’t work with us in it and says it’s fine. Personally I have a problem with a 12 year old shovelling food in her mouth with her fingers.

In this case I would say something along the lines of ‘use your cutlery, do you want me to show you’?

EggsonHeads · 25/01/2018 18:10

But one doesn't eat spaghetti with a knife

Fork and spoon OP.

Original poster

Funkyslippers · 25/01/2018 18:47

But one doesn't eat spaghetti with a knife confused

Fork and spoon OP.

Thanks. I already addressed this. Lots of kids find it easier to cut the spaghetti. I use a fork and spoon but it can be fiddly for kids.

OP posts:

MiaowTheCat · 26/01/2018 08:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Elementtree · 26/01/2018 08:09

@miaw please don't do that. Mumsnet, aibu especially, draws out the petty and judgemental. It would be like walking into bar late on a Saturday night and, based only on that visit, assuming everyone is a drunkard.

I'm a fairly normal person. In as much as I'm not particularly good or nice, and it wouldn't enter my head to judge a child who couldn't use cutlery correctly. I'd assume that if the parents could have helped, they already would have done and simply assist or ignore depending on if the kids had found another way to make it work.

Notonthestairs · 26/01/2018 08:14

My DD (8) can't use a knife. She has hyper mobility all over but her hands are particularly bad. She can barely hold a pen.

Break the spaghetti in half before you put it in the pan and leave napkins out. Easy.

PrincessoftheSea · 26/01/2018 08:16

ds2 in year 7 cannot hold a knife and would really struggle to coordinate eating with knife and fork. He also struggles holding pens. He is dyslexic and we also suspect dyspraxic. I hate to think about him eating at other peoples houses and people trying to teach him as if we haven't already

Spam88 · 26/01/2018 08:29

Meh, I couldn't get worked up about this. Just cut the spaghetti up for her so so can just use a fork, and leave some napkins out.

I stopped eating spaghetti like 15 years ago because it's just a bloody faff. Penne all the way!

PotatoesOfTheCarribean · 26/01/2018 08:32

YABU for giving her a knife.

Isadora2007 · 26/01/2018 08:33

Well we don't always know in advance if she's coming for tea so I can't always plan ahead

Yeah, but how hard would it be to cook a handful of pasta shapes and offer a choice?

She could be dyspraxic she could just not be able to do it yet. My son could barely spread bread as a teenager and is now a chef. It’s not a big deal. Less of the pearl clutching!

CloudPerson · 26/01/2018 08:35

Ds1 couldn't use knives and forks easily until he was a teenager.
It was always assumed that we hadn't taught him, hadn't spent the time doing usual parenting things. It wasn't that at all, or that he was lazy or had poor table manners, it was down to fine motor skill issues.
In contrast dd and ds3 could easily use them with very little intervention and training.
I'd say nothing, it's not your problem.

yogaginrepeat · 26/01/2018 12:46

Just to inform all those 'educating' us on the correct way to eat spaghetti with a spoon and fork: in Italy spoons are never used, except for children. Adults wouldn't use them - you're all doing it wrong

DeloresJaneUmbridge · 26/01/2018 13:00

DS is 15 and learned (or finally mastered) using a knife and fork with ease around six months ago.....although he has been improving year on year. It all disabilities are visible or not obvious, many go undiagnosed as a result and it used to boil my piss when people judged me or my son on his eating habits (actually they used to judge ME).

Show this child how to use the knife but stop stressing if you find the child can't or won't. My DS was and is very avoidant of things he finds hard....not MY fault or anything to do with parenting.

But then I am on Mumsnet where all children have beautiful table manners courtesy of perfect parenting.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 26/01/2018 13:08

Notonthestairs that's interesting. DS2 has hypermobility and very poor fine motor skills. I didn't realise that the 2 could be linked. More ammunition against DM when she shouts at him for eating peas with his hands. I always thought it was because he was BLW.

ooodile · 26/01/2018 13:25

Have to agree with Yoga, spoons aren't used with spaghetti!

If you've ever seen a table full of Italians eating spaghetti it's quite a messy affair and isn't twirled all neatly onto forks.

ittakes2 · 26/01/2018 13:29

My son is 11 and unfortunately struggles with his knife and fork. He is actually very good at sport and his handwriting is fine - but he's terrible with cutlery. He was recently diagnose with having retained infant reflexes, i.e. some of his infant reflexes did not go dormant when they were meant to as a baby. He has other symptoms but one of the symptoms is not being able to use a knife and fork properly. He also gets tired sitting still and has poor tone in his back muscles. I think part of the problem is that he is fine with using one hand - its when he has to use both hands at the same time ie knife and fork that things don't wor as well. He often tries ato do things with one hand (i.e. put on shoes) when for other people it would be natural to use two. But its possible to do some left/right brain exercises to solve the problem, so he's going to be starting these soon. He is also hypermobile, but since his handwriting is fine - we think its his infant reflexes causing the issue.

user789653241 · 26/01/2018 13:38

My ds in yr5 cannot use knife for some reason, despite practicing for years.
I think it's bad manners to wipe your fingers under the table so you can ask her to use napkins, but judging a child just because it doesn't match your expectatios is a bit mean, imo.

My nephew was similar, he never managed to use knife properly until later, but my dsis said she wasn't worried, since you don't see many adults who can't use them properly.

Flip

1 2