What was your mum like as a mummy and what does she think of your parenting?

[charliecat]

What was your mum like as a mummy and are you like her or do you try to be everything she wasnt?
And what does your mum think of the way your bringing up your children?
Discuss!!

My mother always worked incredibly hard with very long hours.She was a machinist and worked at home,childrens hour on the TV was always accompanied by the noise of her sewing machine,and she was rarely off it before 1am.There were 6 of us so money was a bit tight, but we never went without presents and a new set of clothes at birthdays or Christmas.She did everything in the house cooking, cleaning,the decorating, as my father worked long hours too, leaving before 6am and often not getting home before 8pm.So she was father and mother too.But I never remember her cuddling any of us or even really having a conversation.She was very strict and had an unholy temper-never used her hands on us,but a slipper or the copper stick or the hairbrush.I tried not to copy her,but I did expect total obedience from my first two Ddrs,(I think this was also connected to being an 'unmarried mother'. So I was very hard on them and didn't really show just how much I love them.Much later with my third Dd I had more confidence in my decisions,didn't look for the worlds' approval,and I do so hope that she has had a better mother.I get very depressed thinking how much damage I may have caused to my children.But my daughter who has just had her first baby,is ,I'm overjoyed to say doing a much better job than I ever did,and is a fantastic mum.(and is generous enough to let me share her Ds)

I can remember good and bad things. Before my mum and dad split up when i was about 4 i can bearly remember but i remember her being loving etc etc. They split up and we stayed with her friend and got evicted along with my elder sister. She met my step dad and she changed and was more intrested in him than me and my sister. my sister ended up living with my dad because she just didn't get on with my step dad, and my mother just let her. She's not a natural mum and i think it comes hard to her, i was always made to go into my bedroom especially when i was older i never felt much like a family so i used to spend most of my childhood at my best friends house and felt more at home there. Don't get me wrong i love my mum to bits and now that i am older and have my own kids we are alot closer than we've ever been. I wonder what it would have been like if she'd never met anyone else or perhaps put her kids first before her new partner, wonder if would have changed the way we are now. I love my mum but i wish she'd given us more attention than my step dad. Through out all of this my dad has been the only one thats ever really been there, throughout everything that i've done wrong or needed help etc etc, and i love him for that so much. I don't hate my mum just wish she'd been abit more mothery than she was. Thats my rant over and hope i haven't bored you all to pieces!!

My mum was great - not perfect but I have learned from her (honest) mistakes and where I have done things differently she compliments me. Hugely supportive of our parenting styles and a real blessing.

my mum was and is wonderful, she is one of a kind. I dont know what she thinks of my poarenting but she still tends to 'parent' me a bit - worrying about me all the time and stuff

I don't know that I am like my Mum as a mother. I try to be! She was (and is) a brilliant Mum in every sense. She is just good at it - she likes playing, she likes kids, she is infinitely patient (much more so than me). My childhood was going to the park, baking, playing in the garden, being read to, painting pictures, playing house under the kitchen table -all the things it should be. We have become even closer since I became a mother myself - she was a rock to me when I suffered severe PND after ds1 was born; I don't think I could have got through it without her. She completely adores her two grandchildren, and they adore her too.

Sometimes, having such a fabulous Mum does make me feel a bit inadequate - I am not a natural mother and have found it a very steep learning curve. I still do. Playing bores me rigid, and I still don't have a great tolerance for chaos, noise and mess (I'm working on my Monica-like tendencies though). Mum says I am a great Mum, but then she would! I'd be lost without her, she's my best friend.

I thought she was great at the time and in retrospect I have even more admiration for her. She had us very young (my brother when she was 19, me when she was 20) and my parenbts had no money then but she managed to bring us up really well, give us loads of love and attention and do everything from scratch (grow vegetables and make all our food, make clothes and toys for us etc etc). She's very creative and so was really good at making up games and doing arts and crafts stuff with us.
My memories of childhood are full of being with her - especially helping her in the kitchen and shopping with her etc which I loved.
I work full time and one of my regrets is that I don't get to spend all the time with dd that she did with us - but then I'd be lousy at it, I'm not like her.
I think she thinks I'm doing a pretty good job with dd and she's certainly a brilliant granny - she has never overtly criticised anything we've done with dd and she doesn't try to overrule our ways of doing things if dd is with her.
Love you mum.

My mum and dad for that matter were pretty good. My only critism would be that they never ever said that they were proud of my achievements. Even to this day they find it hard to give praise, even where it is due. I have challenged my mum on this one and asked why. Her response was that she didn't want us to become too 'big-headed'! She actually went on to justify this by giving an example of my niece, and said she was shocked when my brother was talking about his daughter to my mum, praising her for something she had done, in front of my neice. IYKWIM. My mum thought that he shouldn't actually let his daughter know he was praising her so much FFS.

Therefore the only thing I have ever ever wanted to ensure with my DD's is that they know I love them - I say it 15 times a day and that they know I think they are the best, most brilliant little girls in the world I want them to grow up with a feeling of huge self worth, which I didn't really have given to me. DH was the same and his parents always priased but in such a backhanded way that there was underlying critisim. Even now they do this, when we go over, if he has had a hair cut, they always say, Oh that looks nice, it was such a mess before!! (ie keep your hair short, you looked like a slob!)

Also I want my kids to know that whatever they do, or become I will trust love and respect them, and not belittle their choices.

I maynot be the best mother in the world, I need to watch supernanny to see how it is done. I often shout at my girls, and I can get really irritaed simply becasue I am tired, I use the TV or cleaning to avaoid getting onteh floor and playing games and I know sometimes I am far too busy for them (on mumsnet probably) But as long as they know I think they are brilliant, my job is done

Swings and roundabouts for me and my mum. She must have been brilliant when we were little because I remember all sorts of fantastic stuff going on, but she sort of drifted away during teenage years when she and dad were separating which was a funny time for all of us. My sister and I have often complained that she's v. distant and disinterested in our lives now but since becoming pregnant and having dd1 - first grandchild - she's swung back in fine style and I am rediscovering her rather. It's kind of fun. That's how it's supposed to be isn't it? Time will tell what she makes of my parenting, but I don't mind half as much sharing traits with her, as I thought I did!

Crunchie that was a lovely post.

I feel so lucky that I have wonderful parents. I was always praised and encouraged, and as a child I sort of felt that everyone had a family like mine, but actually now I know they don't. Some people aren't that lucky Threads like this make me appreciate my parents.

On my wedding day, in his speech, My Dad told me he loves, admires and respects me more than words can say. It really does mean the world to hear your parents say these things. As a child we never had lots of money, or holidays abroad and I aws brought up living on quite a tough council estate, but I wouldn't swap it for the world.

lonelymumofthree, that's so sad babes, I'm so sorry. Of course you'll be a better mum. Lots of love to you.

My mum was Mrs Campbells' Soup, most foods came from tins, boxes or frozen packages all the time. When we started cooked , we only had processed food (that she "corrected" with spices and made my father/visitors believe she had cooked by herself). When we started cooking organic meals for DS instead of using processed baby food she thought I was completely mad!

oops... what happened there,

My mum was Mrs Campbells' Soup, most foods came from tins, boxes or frozen packages all the time. we only had processed food (that she "corrected" with spices and made my father/visitors believe she had cooked by herself). When we started cooking organic meals for DS instead of using processed baby food she thought I was completely mad!

This kind of thing is the only time I get sad about my Mum. She died when I was seven from cancer and there are very few things that I can remember about her. I have photos and obviously stories from my Dad and other relatives but very few memories of us actually doing things together and sometimes I feel that the visual pictures inside my head are not real but a result of having seen a photo of us as a family together.

From my Dad, I do know that in our short time together she doted on me and my sister and that Dad adored her and has never really got over her death. More often than not I don't even think about not having had that close relationship with her - my dad more than made up for the gap and was and still is a truly amazing person and father. However, there are times when I miss her dearly - notably in the preparation for and then at my wedding...and of course for dd's arrival.

If she was still here today, I'm pretty sure I would have had a very close relationship with her and I'd like to think that despite living 240 miles away she would have been very proud of what I've achieved, how happy I now am with dh and dd and very much involved in our lives.....

ho hum - back to some day dreaming then......

It probably sounds awful of me but if my mother criticises something I do then I know that I'm almost certainly doing something right. When she stopped talking to me for a few years it was such a relief that I almost felt guilty. She's very contradictory about my parenting skills. She boasts to everyone about how her grandsons are so well-behaved but then tells me that I am a terrible mother. Presumably my ds's brought themselves up then! Despite reading ds1's medical reports she refuses to believe that he is autistic and thinks that I've somehow made it up to get attention FFS! Yesterday, for example, my ds1 had a major meltdown in a playground. He was so far gone that he threw himself off a climbing frame, landed on his arm and cut his head. He feels no pain so just picked himself up off the ground and threw himself to the floor again and again. The only thing that works in this situation is to give him a feeling of deep-pressure - usually an extremely firm hug or rolling him in a heavy duvet. I'd finally got him calm when my mother piped up "You're doing it all wrong! You're rewarding him for being naughty!" I was ready to throttle her. She was equally pi**ed off when my way worked.

arrr God, this is making me sad now, so sorry handbagaddiction . I'm sure she's looking down on you bursting with pride at how her little girl turned out

Well after all these posts I feel like in interrupting now! Theres some lovely mums out there and some not so lovely. Big hugs to Thomcat and Lonelymum.
My mum was fantastic, always there for me, felt 100% safe with her, never had any money but always had what we wanted bla bla bla.
She feels she wasnt good enough though and was saying she thought I was doing a much better job than she did. Which is mad, because in my eyes I couldnt live up to her.
She now bitter and twisted, but not towards me lol, and I blame it on the HRT!
But her saying that is what prompted me to start this thread just in case anyone was wondering!

My mum worked incredibly hard to provide for my brother and me. Both my parents worked in low paid industries so money was always tight. I don't feel that close to her because I don't ever remember her just being with me or playing. I knew she loved me but I didn't feel loved. Sounds stupid, I know. The only time they really seemed happy with me was when I did well at school so I went all out to keep doing that. It is likely that I had a bad bout of depression in my teens around exam time that teachers noticed but my parents refused to acknowledge. We also did not talk about anything other than the superficial. When I was 12 or so I asked about sex and was told that it wasn't a nice thing to ask. Sorry about this, has turned out to be more emotional than I thought. Haven't really let myself dwell on this too much.

I hope I am not like my mum. I tell my girls that I love them and think they are wonderful. I do lots of stuff with them and talk to them about anything they ask. Nothing too complex yet, they are only 4.5 and 2.5. I want my girls to be able to pick up the phone and talk to me about anything they want. I don't have that with my mum and I envy people that do.

My mum was and is lovley though, I was just a bit sad for a bit thinking about my baby never being a mummy but I'm over that now thanks to Blu and some wise words from her on the Special needs bit. Thanks for the hug though charliecat. From one cat to another

Purrrrrrrrrr

ohhh baby!!!!!!!!

My mum was quite old when she had me, and I have to sisters who are 9 and 10 years older than me - so in some ways I had 3 mums as I was like a very fun doll for my sisters to practice on.

My mum and dad struggled when I was young (Money, work etc etc) but they always made sure I had the things I needed. The only think I resented was that whilst other families were having holidays in Florida etc My mum and dad wanted to rent a cottage and go walking in the Lake district - not very exciting to a young child.
I had a bad period with my mum when I was a teenage - I was a total bitch it's fair to say.
But I love and respect my mum loads now I have dd and can see what she went through.
It's probably down to having an older mum that I had my dd in my teen years - but I wouldn't change that - I love being a young mum - full of life to give to my children!!!!!

My mum was very good at the responsibility thing..she had to get us all up each and every day, go out to work and take us on many trips to places (she never had the lines in like dh and I have)..she let us do piano/tennis and even tried us all on ballet ..ie. she was good at ensuring we were occupied some of the time (but as a small child we'd spend the whole day out and she hadn't got a clue what we were doing..sometimes naughty usual kids stuff nothing bad)...in terms of being able to talk about stuff and the emotional side I think this was a little lacking, all my sisters have said that she was not a very affectionate woman and has never said I love you to my face (she does say actions speak louder than words and that although my late fahter used to tell us this he was totally irresponsible so it was easy to use words)..I can talk to here but it's not like she'll discuss anything which I am happy to do with my own children...and if we had problems we had to sort them out when we were in need of her help as she had so much on (her parents were victorian and said that once your 21 you are responsible for yourself and shouldn't trouble your parents with your worried so I guess it's justified)..at the end of the day though she's my mum who I love and even if we are different in our approach she's been good and I don't want to think she wasn't trying (parenting is hard when you've 5 children)

forgot to mention that she has never criticised my parenting skills and has told me that she's proud of me...she's in the background on the interference...that's good!!

i get very sad when i talk about my mom she allways resented me being born i was unplaned and they were broke and i basiclly ruined their lives she allways had a very bad temper (wich i am starting to get ) and i was allways egnored never told me she loved me,
but when my little bro was born he was their angle and i vey jelous of that, he has learning difficulties and he is very special but i miss being loved,
i always fell like a crap mother an i soo want to be a good one and prove everyone wrong

sure you're a very good mother nikcola