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Parenting

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Original poster

Has anyone else on here got an old mum and young kids?

38 replies

toomuchtodo · 27/04/2007 07:58

do you find it really hard too?
my mum is 80 and my youngest is 5.
I feel I'm stuck in the middle between needing to help my mum more as time goes on and having the kids needing me a LOT.

I get really jealous of seeing youngish, sprightly mums and dads who do things with their grandkids, Knowing the parents are getting a break or being able to go to work without the cost. I know its silly but I get upset seeing all these granparents helping when I've got absolutely no help and dh and I never get a break. Love my mum completely and know I'm so lucky to still have her, but being "the sandwich generation" is really hard.

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ChocolateTeapot · 27/04/2007 18:17

Zookeeper, my neighbours are sort of adoptive grandparents for my children. Neither of their children have had children and won't now. They love watching the children play outside, we go round on Christmas Eve with presents and Bruno the 70 something bear comes down in a special outfit for a drink and a few more things like that, it's lovely They make up for the fact that DH's parents who are 75 & 80 and living in Spain have been completely uninterested in our children until DH's mother became really ill with cancer last year. She would like to be more involved but time will tell whether she will live to get the chance. Poor DH has been jumping on planes to say a final goodbye, has done so 3 times so far.

My Mum and Dad are younger at 68 & 70 but separated. My Mum isn't in the best of health and I have had to look after her following hip replacement and she's having more surgery later in the year. Dad had cancer last year as well so there there was that to contend with.

I don't mind the bit about not having anyone to have them overnight etc, but just didn't expect to have to spend time caring for sick parents whilst still having young children.

FeelingOld · 27/04/2007 18:23

My mum is 75 and is losing her sight but is otherwise fit and able, my dad is 76 and has parkinsons so isn't very mobile and my youngest ds is 6.
My parents had me in their mid thirties and I had my kids in my 30's where as my brother is 6 years older than me and his kids are 20 and 24 so feel they got the best of my parents as grandparents although they are still fab grandparents to my kids. They love having my kids to sleepover (more like the older ones look after my parents ), but they have a brilliant time together and my kids adore them.

foxinsocks · 27/04/2007 18:23

we have this too with dh's parents. He is an only child and his parents had him relatively late (well, what was seen as late in those days!) and he then went on to have children relatively late. I think he feels the pressure as he has no siblings. Luckily, his parents are still fairly mobile (in fact, his mum still dabbles in some work) and his dad has been much improved since they replaced his hip and knee but they aren't mobile enough to come and visit so we have to go to them.

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Original poster

toomuchtodo · 27/04/2007 18:28

seems having elderly parents whilst having young kids is quite common

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zookeeper · 27/04/2007 18:29

chocolate teapot your neighbours sound lovely - wish mine were like that

gtimama · 27/04/2007 18:37

My mum is 83. She is a very young 83 - has been known to be chatted up in the post office!!! She has been an absolute godsend to me and my 3 children (14 and twins 8). I now find myself single again and I work P/T. There are a few occasions when I cannot have time off during school holidays and still my mum steps into the breach. I try not to let this happen too often, but she gets offended if I don't allow her to help. Her attitude to life is that the moment she stops is the moment she gives in.

Oblomov · 27/04/2007 18:52

Hi chocolateteapot - I replied to your e-mail. Thanks alot

Oblomov · 27/04/2007 18:55

All my grandparent died before my parents even met ( all parents , by the time my parents were 16!!!!)
Thus we never had any grandparents.

I am so glad that ds has nana & nanny seaside.

LynetteScavo · 27/04/2007 18:57

My mum is 70, and loves to help me out with my DC's, and house hold chores. I'd rather she just enjoyed her retirement and grandchildren. DH's mother is 58, lives two miles away and couldn't be less bothered with her grandchildren or us! Just because grandparents are young and live locally, doesn't mean they will be there for you.

crayon · 27/04/2007 19:46

Fussymummy and Tomuchtodo - we've never had a night away either. Both lots of parents are either too old (not that it stops my brother asking them to babysit , or too far away. I must admit to staying away for half a night to have DC2 and DC3 though!

Original poster

toomuchtodo · 28/04/2007 10:45

can you imagine a whole night away?

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fussymummy · 28/04/2007 12:21

crayon my sister does that all the time.
She has a 4 year old and a 15 month old and is always dropping them off for mum and da to look after.

She just doesn't ever think how hard it is for them.

They never tell her either, but they tell the rest of us how hard it gets to look after them.

They have offered to look after mine for a couple of hours but i think it's too much for them.

As for a night away, i'm hoping to go out with some friends for a weekend away, don't know how long i'll have to wait for it to happen but it will!!!!

Kids can stay at home with their dad and he can find out for once just what it's like to entertein 3 kids all weekend!!!!

lady007pink · 28/04/2007 17:06

RubyRioja, I'm sorry to hear of you losses, as well as Sweedishmum and those of you that have suffered loss of parents. Dementia is a cruel, cruel illness and I'm so happy my parents never went through that. My BIL and his wife care full-time for her father who has dementia and they have an awful time. They should be having a good time as their only child is 16 and near independance.
My mother used to call down every Wednesday night to babysit (in fairness I'd have the kids fast asleep so all she had to do was check on them and alert us if either woke up). We'd only be out for 2 hours and it meant a lot to us. Thankfully, her sisters have taken over this (may God bless them).

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