MIL won't follow instructions

[Ninnibu]

Hi just signed up this morning! Need somewhere to vent my spleen and some friendly advice! Warning long post!!!

My MIL is intense. Worlds biggest busy body, knows everyone's business, thinks she's the font of all knowledge too (she ain't!). I work 2 days a week since having my 2nd son and both my MIL and FIL look after my now 2.5 year old. They also pick my 9yr old up from school. I need to go to work to adult, the extra money covers our mortgage and the work keeps me sane.

My main issue with her (I have lots!) is she doesn't listen to my instructions/information regarding ds. Small things sometimes, like I'll leave clothes out for him and she'll go and get something different to put on him. Other times (like yesterday) its big stuff! So I get to theirs after work to pick up the boys and I'm greeted with 'he's (2.5 yr old) not very well you know' ok and what's wrong?? So she starts to give me the account of his day. I follow her in to front room and he's lay on couch asleep absolutely beetroot literally 2 minutes later he's having a convulsion (unfortunately happens every time his temp spikes). This time it was a bad one and I rang for an ambulance. He's home and his temp is up and down, I'm following advice from hospital and keeping up with the Calpol etc. Anyhow! She doesn't listen!! She didn't ring me at any point during the day to say he was unwell?? When I work literally a 5 minute car ride away. She didn't attempt to give him Calpol when it was clear just by looking at him he had a temp. She didn't take his temp even though the thermometer is in his bag (and it's the idiot proof Braun one that I have showed her umpteen times how to use). I'm at my wits end! This is the second time this has happened. First convulsion he had happened at theirs and I arrived to pick the kids up greeted by blue flashing lights outside their house. Again didn't bother to tell me he seemed unwell. I'm at my wits end!! How do I get through to her? Anyone else have a similar situation and can offer some advice?

Thank you for reading!

I wouldn't let them look after my children any more, I know how hard it can be my parents did mind my youngest DS for me while I worked part-time , I had to let issues like clothes, nap times and treats go but health issues no way.
Puzzled as no indication of what your DH thinks about the situation? Can he talk to BOTH his parents, would they take it better from him? Your OP takes your MIL to task about all the things she hasn't/ has done but no mention of your FIL if he is there why is he not stepping in? They are not calling your DH as well why not?
It seems to be a you versus your MIL situation you need to focus on the needs of your children and not point scoring with your MIL.

Don't be put off MN OP, it can be a bit direct but I think people were just concerned because health issues do change things. If it hadn't been for the health risk people would have just said chill and let MIL get on with it since she offers free childcare. However the situation sounded quite drastic so people were naturally thinking that whatever the knock on effects on job etc it isn't workable.

If you need her as childcare you need to pick your battles here. Forget the small stuff (wrong clothes etc). And have a serious chat about concerns re keeping your son safe, and how important it is to call you the moment he is slightly unwell ( just like a nursery would ). Would you trust her to do the right thing in an emergency?

My MIL looked after my DS for a while, she made a lot of choices that I wasn’t 100% happy with re naps, food, activities, clothes but I never complained about any of this. The main thing was I trusted her to look after my DS safely and she would never put him in danger.

You need to pay for childcare.

The clothes is a non issue and you micro managing would annoy me. and most I would imagine

The health is something else. Maybe it is too much for your MIL.

You need to look for a paid child minder.