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Original poster

Opinions and experiences on grandparents babysitting

40 replies

nousername123 · 02/01/2018 15:58

Okay so I'm just looking for people's experiences and opinions on childcare/babysitting.
Did your parents help with childcare?
If so how much did you pay them?
How close are you to your parents?
I haven't had the baby yet and have come across a few threads about grandparents looking after their grandchildren on the odd day here and there and overnight etc and just wondered what the norm is really. I know my mum wants to be majorly involved in my baby's life which is great and I am very close to My mum but she's been very distant lately and I'm not sure why. Any opinions would be great x

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ReinettePompadour · 02/01/2018 16:06

Grandparents never offer to babysit and if asked they will usually make some excuse as to why they cant travel 6 miles down the road to babysit sleeping children for 2 hours just so me and DH can have a glass of shandy at the local pub.

They have babysat probably less than a dozen times across 25 years. They used to regularly remind us that 'they're our children and they're for us to look after'. I think oldest dc was about 4 years old before we got a night (2 hours) out and they sat for us. They telephoned us at 9pm to ask what time we would be returning, we only went out at 8.15pm

The other grandparents travel the world frequently so its never easy to pin them down long enough to sit. They would babysit I think but they would want to take the children with them on their travels and return them in 3 weeks time which Ive never been happy about so have never asked them to.

Marcine · 02/01/2018 16:10

Mine babysit lots eg if I have an appointment, picking up sick kids from school, taking them to clubs but don't want to commit to regular childcare while I work.

Tinselistacky · 02/01/2018 16:15

As a dm I never asked /expected /required any help with child care from dps. Ils never ever asked to have dc without me there, but gutted for dc when the cousins treated dgps house like a second home, claimed all toys that were supposed to be 'communal' and helped themselves to biscuits whilst my dc sat like guests.
Now a dgm I offered free childcare to dil (split from ds) and have had dgs for 2 overnights for 18 months, since October I have started getting the backlash of her moods when she is pd with ds, didn't even get a Christmas card or text. Have told ds dgs won't be sleeping here anymore.

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NotTHEBupcake · 02/01/2018 16:18

My parents always made it clear that they were happy to help out fairly often, but they didn't want to be tied down to regular childcare.

Generally they'd come up about once a week, and take both DCs out, maybe to the park, a toddler group, or for a ride on the bus. They would never have accepted payment, but I give them money for e.g. Bus fares, admission fees etc. They also help more often if I'm sick or something, and take the DCs overnight every couple of months or so.

MIL does full-time childcare for DH's sister, who has 3 DCs. She pays her a small amount to cover petrol, food etc. - about £100 per month. It means MIL isn't really able to help us out, which is a bit of a sore point for DH, as he sees his sister get virtually free childcare while we don't get any real help. His mum is constantly exhausted, and really not up to looking after 3 children, and never gets a break.

WipsGlitter · 02/01/2018 16:20

My mum wouldn't do regular childcare (apart from a few weeks once when we were really stuck). But she babysat loads and we didn't pay her for that.

AJPTaylor · 02/01/2018 16:23

I think there is a price to be paid for free childcare.
Either your relationship with your dps or having to accept that they may well parent differently to you. Thats hard both ways cos probably you may well be trying to avoid your dps mistakes.

Firenight · 02/01/2018 16:25

Mine do do regular childcare. They’ve had the eldest for half a week in the school hols twice. That’s it in 8 years. They don’t live locally, but that aside I wouldn’t expect them to pick up my childcare routinely; I have a childminder / nursery for that.

Firenight · 02/01/2018 16:25

Don’t do!

HolyShet · 02/01/2018 16:27

My mum lived a 100 miles away until 2 years ago. She visited for a couple of days every couple of weeks & would look after the children to let me got to gym/do a bit of work etc.

Now she lives down the road the younger 2 go to her house after school 1 day per week and she does the school pick up another day when I work. She'll babysit anytime we ask and offers more than we take her up on it. They all love each other's company. I am very grateful!

Gabs55555555 · 02/01/2018 16:27

My parents are angels and have dcs 3 days a week. They won’t accept any money from me either (not even to cover food/outings etc)

I am so grateful to them.

CMOTDibbler · 02/01/2018 16:28

Mine: mum had ds for a few hours when he was a baby and I needed to be somewhere in the UK for work and she stayed in the hotel with us. Nothing since as she developed dementia shortly after. Dad has never had him.

ILs: 2 nights and one evening in 11 years when DH begged.

2ducks2ducklings · 02/01/2018 16:30

We have been so lucky that my mom had both my children when I went back to work. I worked three days a week when they were younger and she had them every working day for us. My eldest was in nursery every morning when my middle child was born so she'd have them both every afternoon and all day during any school holidays I couldn't get off from work.
She'd never accept any money off us and my mom and dad both(still) take the kids out regularly and on holiday at least once a year. They went to New York in October!
They are 9 and 12 now so don't need to go to my moms other than 30 minutes between school closing time and me getting in from work. However we've just had our third child and my mom is adamant she'll be looking after him too. I'm desperately trying to think of a way to get childcare elsewhere for at least one of the days so as not to be putting on my mom all the time but she refused to speak to me last time I bought this up.
As I say, we are stupidly lucky as without my mom, I wouldn't have been able to go back to work.
The only downside is that she can sometimes ignore what I've asked her to do with regards to behaviour/discipline/feeding etc and I don't feel I can ever say anything because I owe her so much.

Lj8893 · 02/01/2018 16:30

My mum and stepdad has dd (4) a few times a year overnight. My dad has health issues so it would be too much to look after her but will happily sit for her once she's asleep, but this has only happened a few times.

Mil had dd overnight twice when she was a baby and a couple of times for the day but hasent looked after her since she was about 15mo.

haarlandgoddard · 02/01/2018 16:33

My in laws have DD twice a week after nursery and sometimes a day at the weekend if we’re both working. Honestly never been any issues and I know they adore her.

My dad, never. I expected that though, he’s always worked long hours and wasn’t exactly hands on with us either.

Sashkin · 02/01/2018 16:35

DM lives about 50 miles away. We have seen each other weekly since I had DS (sometimes I go to her, sometimes she comes to me). When I go back to work she would like to have him for one afternoon a week, but I’ll be booking a nursery place for that day anyway in case she can’t make it or wants some flexibility. Plus DS is a bloody tornado at the moment so she might change her mind!

Shutupanddance1 · 02/01/2018 16:37

Live abroad but my DM would gladly babysit for us and my siblings did as well at Christmas time to give me and my DH some alone time.

We haven’t paid but I would if my DM was doing regular childminding eg like one day a week.

I’m very close to my DM/MIL, would have no problem leaving my kiddies with either. Both of them had help when me and DH were younger so it’s their way of paying it forward.

whathaveiforgottentoday · 02/01/2018 16:38

My mum does school run x3 mornings and 1 after school. I do pay her though. She also steps in when they are off school/ inset days which I don't pay her for. we would struggle without her. PIL also babysit but only on weekend: big occasions as they don't live nearby.
I think we are really lucky with our support.

nuttyknitter · 02/01/2018 16:38

I look after my DGD and DGS (cousins) for two days a week, including having my DGD to stay overnight as she lives over an hour's drive away. I love the closeness I have with them and I'm very aware that their parents are trusting me to care for them as they would themselves, so I'm careful to follow their lead. I think you need an honest conversation with your DM about if/how much she wants to be involved - I love the commitment but it's not for everyone.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 02/01/2018 16:41

My parents babysat regularly, DS would stay overnight at least twice a month when I was working away and DH was on nights. I didn't pay them anything - they wouldn't have accepted money - but they have a lovely close bond with DS. My grandmother also used to look after him sometimes but now he looks after her!

coldlocation · 02/01/2018 16:42

My DM lives a 5 min drive away, and will never do an evening babysit for me (I'm a single parent) as she doesn't like driving in the dark, won't leave her dogs alone for the eve and can't. bring her dogs here as she hasn't had them nurtured and they'd chase/attack my cats (she says). But she will... On a lot of notice... have them on an inset day, take them to a hospital appointment or if she not busy have them if they are sick (but has also been known to refuse a sick child because she was getting her carpets cleaned), she has on 3 occasions had them to sleep overnight at hers and I have had to be grateful for a year on each occasion. She recently also agreed to pick up a sick dc from school and have him to I could get out of work.

She lived 2 hours away until they were all at primary so was bog all use when I had 3 under 3!

She tells everyone she moved to this city to help out with her grandkids though.

I am grateful for the contributions she does make, is better than nowt.

RandomUsernameHere · 02/01/2018 16:44

Both sets of GPs babysit, I tend to only ask when it's a special occasion (such as a wedding). Could probably ask a lot more than we do. My parents have had our DCs overnight several times when we've been to weddings. I wouldn't dream of paying them (and they wouldn't dream of asking) but we are both close to our parents.

Heatherbell1978 · 02/01/2018 16:48

My DM has toddler one day a week and will soon have my baby DD too. She babysits whenever I ask (if she's free) and regularly has them overnight too. I'm very lucky but we don't ask that often for babysitting outwith the weekday she has them.

ParkheadParadise · 02/01/2018 16:56

When I had Dd1 I was very young and still stayed with my parents. They helped out but I was always told Dd was mine.
When I was 18 I moved out and my mum encouraged me to get a job. They had Dd1 when I worked shifts and kept her overnight I couldn't have done it without them.
23years later when I had Dd2 my mum had dementia and was in a care home. I was never really close to in laws all their grandchildren were older and in laws had a very active social life.
But I was totally surprised how they have been with dd2, they have her one day a week and love spending time with her. She also loves going to their house. I actually have a great relationship with In laws now much to DH amusement .
Although I don't work so don't have to rely on them for child care.

Original poster

nousername123 · 02/01/2018 17:36

Thanks for your replies. I don't want to take the piss when it comes to my mum looking after my child. My partner is staying at home as he is disabled so I won't be able to work full time anyway as he needs care but for the odd "date night" for ourselves I'm hoping mum won't mind or my sister might help out x

OP posts:

Tinselistacky · 02/01/2018 17:56

As a gm I would suggest you nurture the dgm /dgc relationship and don't blur it with a childcare role. After being on the receiving end of being taken for granted I now have a very limited relationship with my dgs. I am gutted tbh.

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