Opinions and experiences on grandparents babysitting

[nousername123]

Okay so I'm just looking for people's experiences and opinions on childcare/babysitting.
Did your parents help with childcare?
If so how much did you pay them?
How close are you to your parents?
I haven't had the baby yet and have come across a few threads about grandparents looking after their grandchildren on the odd day here and there and overnight etc and just wondered what the norm is really. I know my mum wants to be majorly involved in my baby's life which is great and I am very close to My mum but she's been very distant lately and I'm not sure why. Any opinions would be great x

My dm has my 2 older dc after school 3 times a week. She picks up from school and feeds them. I pick up after work. Our baby will go to nursery when I go back after maternity. My dad also has them occasionally as does mil. We're very lucky

As you can see it varies according to individual circumstances

Sadly my own parents where really too old to babysit and my MIL is of the type who talks v loudly to anyone who will listen about “how she would love to help more” then is very offended if she is ever asked to help - and enormously grumpy and begrudging about it all - so we never really bothered to ask

In an ideal world GP should help - but as others have said you often see rather silly threads on MN where GP are providing regular care enabling parents to work then people posting all manner of petty complaints about the GP. If GP are doing the equivalent of paid caring for your child you have to accept that the price of them saving you a huge amount of money is that they will likely have different ways of doing things and you have to grin and bare this - if you don’t like this pay for professional care

I have mine 2 days a week, every week. I pick him up at 6am and DS collects at 5pm.

We also have him overnight onfe or twice a month.

We have been look8ng after him since he was 8months old and he is now 2 years months old.

I would not DREAM of charging a penny! Tbh, by the time he goes home on the second day, i am knackered, but the strong relationship we have is just the best😊

My DS and DiL are very grateful, which is nice.

Oh Lord! So many typos! Sorry 😶😶😶

My parents pick up the DC from school once a week and look after them for 3-4 hours until DH or I get back from work. They really enjoy it (I think!). They also babysit occasionally in the evenings. When the DC were little and I was a SAHM, my mum and I would meet up regularly. I didn’t usually leave the DC with her for long, but it was great just to have a bit of company and an extra pair of hands.

DH’s parents live further away and are less involved, but they've helped out sometimes in the school holidays. FIL’s health is declining, so I’m not sure they’ll be able to in future.

My in laws watch my youngest one day a week and will have both overnight on a Saturday night if we ask (usually every 6 weeks ish). My dad passed away before I was married and mum is in a care home so we are very grateful of having two great grandparents

I'm a sahm so don't need child care as such. I'm close with DM and don't live too far from her at the mo. She looks after we whenever I ask her too (the rare night out/day when I need to blitz the house without ds' 'help'/need to do a big supermarket shop etc). DS adores DM and her dh and I wouldn't leave him with anyone else.

My parent is disabled so unable to do any childcare/babysitting but makes an effort to have a good relationship with my dc and siblings dc.

My ils have never offered to babysit even when we've been in some very difficult situations, they've never spent any time alone with our dc. I don't pretend to understand it.

In my social circle and my work life (primary school teacher) grandparents helping out with childcare is very much the norm. I wouldn't have expected that as it's a big ask but it does make me sad that my ils choose not to have a close relationship with my dc.

My mum has my two (3 an 1) a day each week and had my dd for that even during my mat leave. She'd never take a penny and actually often brings treats, food, clothes etc. She also does the occasional weekend and emergency day. I know she loves it. We are very grateful.

She follows our lead on the big stuff and I don't sweat the small stuff. Never had any conflict. She's wonderful.

I feel very lucky that my parents help out loads with childcare, they have dd two days a week and she's in nursery two days. When mum doesn't see her (over Xmas hols for example) she's texting me asking when she can have her because she misses her. I love the bond they have and I trust my parents to look after her as DH and I would.

They've not yet had her overnight and they won't accept payment but we try and take them out for a meal or drop money in their account for petrol etc

My parents in law do 1 full day and my parents do an afternoon and have done since I went back to work full time (DS is in nursery the remaining 3 1/2 days).

We do not pay them. We did have a discussion about finances beforehand but both sets felt that it was us doing them a service rather than the other way round (in my parents case, they never really saw their other grandchild in the first couple of years so they were keen to see as much of DS as possible).

We have checked in now and again to make sure both sets of parents are Ok with the arrangements (particularly as DS is at the very challenging and exhausting toddler stage!), as we can afford to increase the nursery days if we need to.

One thing I've become aware of over time is that we all have slightly different styles/approaches in terms of childcare (e.g. using rewards/not using rewards, hover parent v hands off) but I think the benefits of spending time with extended family outweighs the risk of any confusion on DS' part. I also think he is a smart cookie who knows what he can get away with with what carer!!!

I wouldn't pay grandparents for 'babysitting' but I would offer something to cover costs if they were providing regular childcare, which is different than occasional 'babysitting' (though my mum would never accept it).

My mum does not live close by (she lives in another country) and doesn't see our dd often as a result (we have no relationship anymore unfortunately with MIL, though this applies to her as well, back when we still saw her). When she does visit, she usually has our dd for at least an evening, sometimes overnight for us to go out to dinner or go away for a night. It is like maybe 4 times a year. No, we don't pay her and wouldn't even have thought of it to be honest! I think she would be offended at the suggestion! She doesn't see our dd much and is glad to stay with her (usually, we put her to bed anyway before we leave, so mostly it involves watching tv and taking herself to bed).

She doesn't provide any regular childcare though, by that I mean, like 3 full days a week while we work. We used a nursery (dd is now in school). If she did, she would similarly be offended by the suggestion that we pay her, but I would make sure that we at least provided her with things she needed, nappies, wipes, clothes, meals and snacks. Not so much because of the financial aspect, but just so it took some of the hassle out of her trying to work out and source things she needs. If we make sure she has everything then she doesn't have to worry about it herself.

I've honestly never heard of any grandparent being paid to babysit, but I could understand how offering something to someone who provides regular care so that parents can work would be reasonable. Seems a bit cheeky though to expect it for occasional times or for a quick afternoon when mum needs to go for a GP appt or something other than work, assuming it's not all the time.

Thanks for all your replies. A colleague of mine pays her MIL to pick up her child from school 3 days a week and sit with them for 2 hours until she gets home. I dunno how much she pays but I did find it a bit odd x

My mum has always had 1 child one day per week while I'm at work. Any more would be too much for her. My dad isn't really into babysitting but helps in other ways.

My inlaws live a long way away and travel a lot so they've never babysat.