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Original poster

Worried my 2nd DD won't look like me

35 replies

user1492365675 · 31/12/2017 20:24

I'm 36 pregnant with my 2nd daughter but worried that she will look nothing like me. I have a beautiful first daughter who is 18 months and my husband's twin. I know this sounds pathetic but I have struggled with comments from people who say she looks nothing like me. It really hurts and I'm not really sure why. I'm bracing myself for this to happen all over again.

Any advice on how I can stop being so silly??

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ChanandlerBongsNeighbour · 31/12/2017 20:27

No advice but I'm in the same situation. Two DDs who look NOTHING like me but share all DHs prominent facial features (eye colour, chin dimple etc). I wouldn't say it hurts when people point this out to me, it more irritates me for some reason! Especially when people say ooh they look NOTHING like you do they?! Makes me a little sad that they don't look anything like me but they do at least seem to share my talents/personality traits!

Callamia · 31/12/2017 20:29

Your eldest might still.. my children have changed over time to look more like me, my husband (or, more usually they look like my brother - annoying).

She’s still so young, so don’t think she will always look like your husband - really.

To the people who say she looks nothing like you - they’re being a bit rude. Tell them that she’s just like you in personality instead.

TeenTimesTwo · 31/12/2017 20:29

My DDs look nothing like me as they are adopted.
However they are like me as over time they have picked up mannerisms and ways of speaking.
Plus when she was smaller people who didn't know would happily say DD2 looked like me (she really doesn't)!
Looking similar is over-rated.

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BrawneLamia · 31/12/2017 20:32

My dc1 looks just like her dad. It never bothered me, but now we have Dc2 who looks just like me, and it does feel like a nice symmetry.

HannaSolo · 31/12/2017 20:36

One thing to mention is that DSD looked like a mini version of DH as a small child.

As she's matured into a young woman she still "shares" major features from DH (eyes, mouth, nose) but actually looks much more like her DM now. I think her face shape, eyebrows and colouring are a big part of this - not things you focus on with a small child but actually are a main factor in how you look. Her hair colour for example darkened a lot over the years until it's virtually identical to her mum's (v dark brown) when she was blonde as a young girl.

So I'd just say that until a child's face matures you (or anyone else) won't really know which parent they resemble most.

nooka · 31/12/2017 20:39

I bet your dd has some features in common with you OP, it's just that the features she has in common with your dh stand out more. My dd didn't look like either dh or me when she was small. We both have very dark hair and dark eyes. dd had blue eyes and blond hair. As she got older her hair darkened and now she has green eyes just like me (technically we both have central heterochromia). When she also got glasses as a teen (like both me and dh) people started said she looked just like me.

It's not unusual for children to favour different parents over time. It's also not unusual for people to say hurtful things to parents (intentionally or not). It's best to try not to take them to heart. Your dd is your child, shaped by your genetics and nurturing just as much as her fathers.

Bitsandbobsalot · 31/12/2017 20:41

When my dd were both little I had a lot of “don’t you look like daddy” etc it didn’t upset me but I did find it annoying as I’d done all the hard work so to speak. Now they are both teenagers and they both look like me with the big green eyes to match. Like previous poster they seem to have my mannerisms too with a touch of my attitude but they are just better they are both beautiful inside and out and two of the kindest girls I’ve ever known. Your daughter(s) will be like you too because of all the time, love, attention and effort you put into them.

scrivette · 31/12/2017 20:43

All three of my children look like DH.

I used to look like my Dad but now look more like my Mum's side of the family so as PP said, they may look like you later or have your mannerisms.

Purpledrainpipe · 31/12/2017 20:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ritualunion · 31/12/2017 20:48

It’s funny, I’m the opposite: everyone says how my baby boy looks just like me. He does, mostly, but it bothers me that no one sees any of my husband in him. Even though the in-laws say that they can’t see any of my husband’s features. I’d prefer people to remark on what they can see from both of us.

Katurah · 31/12/2017 20:50

My little boy looked just like my DH when he was born. He's now my mirror image age 2. And now everyone says my 4 month old DD looks just like my DH too.... we shall see!

RNBrie · 31/12/2017 20:57

I have three dds and none of them look like me. Except when my eldest looks sideways and is the spitting image of my sister (we are practically identical). Or my middle one stamps her foot and my mum stops in her tracks cause she says it's like a time warp back to when I was three.

I'm in there somewhere, just not on the surface and I love that!!

RandomMess · 31/12/2017 20:58

Babies are designed to take their fathers features at birth you know it's your baby as you gave birth, for your partner it's all an issue of trust!

RavingRoo · 31/12/2017 21:00

Why is this hurting you so much? Do you have image issues? If so I think having a second child who does look like you will make things worse (for the child). You need to speak to a therapist.

notangelinajolie · 31/12/2017 21:02

All 3 of my DDs have v blond/white hair, fair skin and blue eyes and look the image of DH's sister. I have dark brown hair/brown eyes and olive skin. Non of them look remotely like me. TBH I'm quietly pleased about that as I'm very plain and they are all stunners.

Scrumptiousbears · 31/12/2017 21:05

Hey I've got two girls who look nothing like each other. Both mixed race. One straight bright blond hair and fair skin (until she sees sun then off she goes with a gorgeous colour and the other with a brown tight curls and dark skin. Both with bright blue eyes. Literally one is my side of the family and the other is DPs.

TheweewitchRoz · 31/12/2017 21:07

My 3 DCs all look like DH & nothing like me Op - doubt that's any consolation to you but I console myself by thinking that I know I carried them for 9 months, so they're ALL mine!!

Kraggle · 31/12/2017 21:07

The only thing of mine dd1 has is a smattering of freckles over her cheeks so far. I have them all over my face and arms. Apart from that facially she is more dh and dd2 is his spitting image so far at 9 months old.

I do wish sometimes they looked a bit like me. Maybe it will happen as they get older.

iggleypiggly · 31/12/2017 21:10

Babies look like their dads at birth.. and in the beginning.. to do with nature so the dad doesn’t reject them. Mine both were his double, now they look like me (lucky things )

HannaSolo · 31/12/2017 21:12

Another thing to mention is my DS. Everyone (including me) thought he was very much like DH.

However, a few months ago my DM got some old photos out and we were both shocked to find one of my father at the same age as DS and they honestly could have been twins.

I look like my DM (so people say) so it sort of became apparent why DS doesn't look like me - but I have proof positive that my genes are in there!!!

DF nearly fell over in shock when he saw the photos then finally smiled and said "well finally someone looks like me" with a wink (I'm an only child so I think he was really happy to see his genes finally coming out top!).

Fatso1978 · 31/12/2017 21:19

I don't want my son to look like me. He's his own person. Unfortunately he does look like me, but without the bright white Irish skin colour.

Longdistance · 31/12/2017 21:19

There is hope.

Dd1 looked the spits of dh. Blonde hair, blue eyes, pale skin, and looked as if she had been on the rugby pitch like dh 😂

Dd2 however, decided to look like me, dark hair, olive skin, tall, green eyes.

Everyone comments how different they look too, and they don’t look like sisters, as so different looking. I was once asked if I was their childminder. ‘Erm, no, I’m their mother’ 😂

Thehogfather · 31/12/2017 21:20

My dd has always been my body double. And has similar cheekbones. But that's where the similarity ends. She's a different colour to start, and facially doesn't look like me. Her hairs different as is her skin type.

Tbh she doesn't really look like anyone in particular, she seems to have taken after a range of people from past generations.

But for all that everyone always says she's very much like me in mannerisms and facial expressions, and personality wise even I can see we're very alike.

It's never bothered me at all, apart from when she was a newborn and someone asked me if I was disappointed she hadn't taken after me colour wise, and someone who thought it was a shame she didn't have my hair of all things. All but saying her colouring was inferior. Bothered me because I didn't think I'd get away with the violence I wanted to commit.

Trb17 · 01/01/2018 08:51

I once read somewhere that babies tend to look more like the father at first as nature designed it that way so that the father would accept the child as his. He would recognise himself in the child.

No clue if this is true at all but I like to think it explains why DD looked like a grumpy old man when she was tiny

Roomba · 01/01/2018 09:19

It's funny, even when they really look like one parent when they are little, children often change as they grow older. DS1 was the absolute spit of me as a baby - everybody who saw him exclaimed how much he resembled me. I found it odd in a way as for some reason I'd just assumed he would look like his father more. But as he's grown older (he's 12 now) his face and eye shape has changed a lot, and I'd say he does look more like his Dad than me now. Especially as he has clearly inherited his father's body shape.

DS2 on the other hand looks nothing like either of us! It will be interesting to see what he ends up like as an adult as we can't fathom who he takes after at the moment (leading to 'hilarious' milkman jokes from family ). My sister was the same as a child but as an adult we can see she is the image of our great grandmother.

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