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Parenting

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Original poster

What do you think when you see young parents?

76 replies

Loner1993 · 31/12/2017 12:58

NC for this as along with my other posts could be outing.

I’m 24, possibly look a bit younger, and had my first baby this year. Often find myself getting judgemental looks (especially from the older generation) when out and about with baby. Had a few people tut at me (always old men).

I’m a qualified doctor and live with long term partner (also in professional job) in our own home. Our baby was planned. We always look clean and presentable. We are finiancially stable. Why are people tutting and looking down at me? And why is it the generation who typically used to have their babies when they were even younger (16-18).

It’s actually starting to make me not want to go out with my baby for fear of blatant judgement and disapproval.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Chocolate50 · 31/12/2017 20:12

...And,I think its great that you have made this choice for yourself, you will be a far more informed and sensitive practitioner with your experience of being a mum. And you will be an excellent role model for your child. Well done you.

deckoff · 31/12/2017 20:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RatRolyPoly · 31/12/2017 20:15

I think "fuck, I'm old. Christ I bet I look really old. What if she's the same age as me and just looks loads better? Fuck. Fuck fuck. I hope I don't look mumsy. Must remember to ask dp if he thinks I look mumsy. Ugh, when did I get so old??"

Does that help?

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greendale17 · 31/12/2017 20:22

I feel a bit sorry for them. It is much easier to travel and take risks when you don't have kids to look after. I would probably think they were missing out a bit.

^This

Thehogfather · 31/12/2017 20:51

I don't think anything, whether they are young or old. I really don't care. I looked like a teen when I had dd, and I was single. That brought out the judgemental idiots, but tbh I've never had any qualms about being assertive. Or rude in return.

I've got to admit when I see people who are my age now, either pregnant or with young dc looking harassed or frazzled, when I have a teen, I do think 'rather you than me'. But not in a bad way, or about new mums older than me now. Just my age group.

'missing out' makes no sense. If you leave it till later you are just as tied down as you are at 20, yes you might have had those extra years when you were young, but by the same token you miss out on the freedom whilst still comparatively young at the other end. It's swings and roundabouts.

RainbowWish · 31/12/2017 20:56

I am 26 and I have 2 lovely children.
I look about 16/17 though.
Sadly you just need to grow a thick skin and ignore them.
I just take it as a compliment when I am 40 (hopefully) I will look younger than all my friends.

ScreamingValenta · 31/12/2017 21:02

I don't think anything at all!

When my mum had me at 31 in the mid-seventies, she was the oldest mum on the ward!

Idratherhaveacupoftea · 31/12/2017 21:13

I was classed as an older mother when I had mine in the seventies. I was 26.

ScottishDiblet · 31/12/2017 21:13

I don’t think anything bad about young mums, honestly! I used to work with an AMAZING woman who was the same age as me and had the exact same (professional) job but had three children ranging from 13-6. We were in our early 30s and she had had her first two children in her teens/at uni and I just couldn’t get over how much she had achieved at home and at work all while I was just pootling along trying to establish my career. I had my first child 5 years ago and am still in the same job while her career has gone stratospheric and her eldest is off to a top uni next summer. She’s basically my hero.

zzzzz · 31/12/2017 21:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlwaysPondering · 31/12/2017 21:25

I had my first at 22 (now 25 with two DC) and at that age I certainly looked less than 20.

Never ever got any judgemental looks and certainly no tuts. Perhaps you are paranoid or perhaps you live in an area full of silly arseholes.

RavingRoo · 31/12/2017 21:31

It’s possible there’s something glaringly obvious they’re glaring at that you haven’t mentioned.

cakeandcustard · 31/12/2017 21:32

I had my first DC at 25 and was given a leaflet for a 'younger mothers' (age 18-25) group by the health visitor. I looked young, and was about a decade younger than the average age at my local toddler group.

There are some women who assume you have to have your career first as once you have kids your working life is done. When I told one woman my age she said 'oh, but did you have no ambition?'

TBH motherhood is a minefield, you're wrong to someone no matter what you do so screw 'em

MissWilmottsGhost · 31/12/2017 21:35

Ha ha. I think the same as Rat

I had DD at 39

I do think that a qualified medic should be aware that the average age of having children hasn't been 16-18 in recorded history

Lightningbolt82 · 31/12/2017 21:37

Hi, I had 2 by 24. Now 35 and have a little 3 year old also. I always found that my mum friends were much older than me. When my little one starts school, I will probably be like the average age in the ks1 playground but I will have a 12yr old and 14 year old by then! There is never a right or wrong time to be a parent as long as you do it properly. Treasure every moment. Keep them safe.

grasspigeons · 01/01/2018 10:58

@franciscrawford - its quite interesting those stats - as the 38 statistic was my grandparents generation having babies - and that 65-75 boom you refer to is my parents generation having babies - so I suppose 'older people' in my head is my parents and grandparents who did tend to have children much younger that we do now. But thinking on it - of course there are lots 'older people' than the ones in my life. I'm in my 40s - i'm probably older people to the 24 year old in question.

Quorafun · 01/01/2018 11:02

I think nothing. Maybe I might admire the pram or even coo at the baby. But its none of my business and as such I won't notice it.

moita · 01/01/2018 11:02

My SIL has two children. She had the first at 38, then the 2nd at 41. She felt judged as an older mum.

I honestly don't notice ages. There's mums in their 20s/30s/40s and grandparents at my son's toddler group.

NameChanger22 · 01/01/2018 11:03

I had my daughter at 34, but I looked very young. I don't look young now, 12 years of motherhood is very ageing. People judged me, I heard people judge me.

When I see young parents I don't think they're any worse or better as parents than older people. I assume they've made the right choice for them. Not everyone wants to go off travelling the world, or have great careers. Some people just want a family, and there's nothing wrong with that. I do hope my daughter doesn't have children until after 25 though.

NotAgainYoda · 01/01/2018 11:59

Are you really a doctor?

How old do you think people have to be to still be alive when the average age to have DC was 16-18 (I'd have thought they'd be in their 100s )

Still, despite that, good on you

nousername123 · 01/01/2018 15:37

Wow, 24? I'm also 24 and due this month, I don't consider myself a young mum. I feel like this is the right age. If people tut at you or huff etc then I would say something to them? If someone is staring say something about your child to them? "Adorable right?" They will either huff or tut more in which case you can ask them what their problem is or they will feel awkward and probably agree with you x

icantdothis2017 · 01/01/2018 15:42

I'm 24 with a almost 2 year old.
I don't consider my self that young of a mum

NotEvenAMoose · 01/01/2018 15:43

I’m 27 with 4 dc. I also look about 15 and am 5’2. My husband gets funny looks but I think that’s because he looks his age if not older and I look like a teen.

MyBabyIsPerfect · 01/01/2018 15:44

I don’t think anything. I’m probably thinking about what groceries I need or thinking about my to do list for that day.

RandomUsernameHere · 01/01/2018 15:44

I think it's lovely to be a younger mother (and where I live 24 is definitely young, you'd be about 10 years younger than most of the other mums here). I had two by 28 and was always the youngest in every group/class that we did.
Just ignore people if you really think they are being judgemental, it really doesn't matter what they think.

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