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Parenting

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Original poster

What do you think when you see young parents?

76 replies

Loner1993 · 31/12/2017 12:58

NC for this as along with my other posts could be outing.

I’m 24, possibly look a bit younger, and had my first baby this year. Often find myself getting judgemental looks (especially from the older generation) when out and about with baby. Had a few people tut at me (always old men).

I’m a qualified doctor and live with long term partner (also in professional job) in our own home. Our baby was planned. We always look clean and presentable. We are finiancially stable. Why are people tutting and looking down at me? And why is it the generation who typically used to have their babies when they were even younger (16-18).

It’s actually starting to make me not want to go out with my baby for fear of blatant judgement and disapproval.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Brokenbiscuit · 31/12/2017 18:22

I certainly wouldn't judge or disapprove. However, since you ask, I would probably feel a bit sorry for you if I stopped to think about your age. It's more likely, though, that I'd just see your cute baby and barely notice you at all.

eastlondoner · 31/12/2017 18:24

I don't think anything.

WaitrosePigeon · 31/12/2017 18:25

Doctor?

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earlylifecrisis · 31/12/2017 18:26

I don't think anything of women in their 20s walking around with a baby.
I had Dd at 26, she's 5 now and if anyone was giving me looks I didn't notice!

Bluelonerose · 31/12/2017 18:26

Nothing at all

I was a single mom to 2 toddlers at the age of 21 so I'm well aware of the looks and judgements you get.
What most people didn't know was that me and their dad were together throughout our teenage years and we owned our own house (well he did as I was a sahp)

FrancisCrawford · 31/12/2017 18:27

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PortiaCastis · 31/12/2017 18:30

I had dd at 18 and oh yes the judges were out in full force but I didn't care. Do now I'm 37 and dd is 19 and I have my life ahead of me.

deckoff · 31/12/2017 18:30

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weetabix07 · 31/12/2017 18:31

Nothing. As long as the kids aren't causing havoc which can occur across any age group I probably won't even notice you. Don't feel embarrassed.

MycatsaPirate · 31/12/2017 18:33

24 isn't particularly young. A young parent to me is 16, 17, 18, 19.

My DD1 is 19 and a student paramedic. One of the girls she was at school with has 3 children already. She is 19 and has three kids. My DD is at uni, she's out seeing stuff, learning, she's been to Florida and Majorca within the last two years, learned to drive and bought her own car. I actually think it's sad that anyone sees having children as their only option. There is a whole world out there and things to learn, places to explore.

She went to a call the other day where a 17 year old was in labour, she was there as the girl gave birth. To her second baby, the first one wasn't even a year old. It actually makes me really sad.

I know some people will counteract that with suggestions that they can go and party and travel later on when their kids are adults but you have no idea what's round the corner. I ended up disabled after having DD2 at aged 36.

I don't doubt that they are good parents. I just feel a bit sad for them.

CaptainKirkssparetupee · 31/12/2017 18:33

Isn't 24 a pretty average age for children?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 31/12/2017 18:34

If I thought anything at all....I'd think, I wish I had started having my children at a younger age.

Gertrudethestag · 31/12/2017 18:38

I had mine when I was 26. And a lady once said loudly to her friend "children having children! It's disgraceful!"

I was so embarrassed. But at that age I frequently got asked for ID too. I did worry about what people thought and even changed how I dressed to seem older. How daft is that?

I don't worry anymore because I finally look my age (now 32)

ProjectGainsborough · 31/12/2017 18:41

Genuinely don’t notice, too busy with my own kids. I guess I look for parents I’ll have something in common with, but being quite shy, that would be anyone who speaks to me first!

Brokenbiscuit · 31/12/2017 18:42

Isn't 24 a pretty average age for children?

No, it's a few years younger than the average. And considerably younger than the average age for first babies among women with degrees.

LynetteScavo · 31/12/2017 18:43

If people are tutting at you I doubt it's because you look young.

24 really isn't that young to have a baby by anyone standards.

Maybe you are doing something with your baby like giving it coke from a bottle?

I once looked over at someone with a new baby and thought how amazing she looked for a young mum. Then she started muttering to the person she was with about how people were judging her...I was the only person who had looked at her as we were just coming out of a car park, and I'd guess it was her first trip out with her baby. She was actually quite rude, and I was taken a back....with several years of hindsight I should probably have said something positive to her, but, as I said, at the time she was f-img and blinding about me.

Also I do look at some young Parents and wonder how they can afford a baby and a new 4x4, then realise they are probably about 27 and have graduated and been in employment for about 6 years I'm at that age where police officers look young

Want2bSupermum · 31/12/2017 18:46

I had mine at 31, 32 and 35. Professionally speaking IME it's much better for a mother to have children either during tertiary education or during the early years of a career compared to waiting. You will be 45 with your eldest graduating from university. You can focus on your career from when your youngest is 6. Also you are much less likely to have health problems related to your pregnancy being younger.

Some people will always judge no matter what. Kill them with kindness. I've had plenty of people judge me harshly for my life choices. It's my life and I'm doing the best I can. If they have a problem it's their problem not mine. Don't mistake others problems as your problems.

Oh an I'm 37 but apparently look younger than 30. When I had DD1 people assumed I was the nanny. I went to the new mothers group with my third and another mother told me it must be nice to have one of my own.

FrancisCrawford · 31/12/2017 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CheeseyToast · 31/12/2017 18:55

I think a lot of teens and 20-somethings imagine that others look at them judgementally but when you get older you realise that in fact no one is remotely interested, they're just going about their day.

Summerisdone · 31/12/2017 19:09

I was just turned 25 having my DS and have always looked much younger than my age. I did and still do get some judgemental looks and even a few who have the nerve to comment.
I didn’t consider 25 young but many people still tell me that I’m a young parent, especially parents at DS’s nursery who all appear to be in their 30’s whilst I’m still just 28, these actually seemed to be the most judgmental if I’m being honest, some with some kind of disgust like they’re looking down on me and some are nice enough but seem to feel sorry for me; I think much of this though is because they’ve also figured I’m a single parent and they see me walking to and from nursery in all weathers because I can’t drive.

deckoff · 31/12/2017 19:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

greenllicic · 31/12/2017 19:23

I think it's lovely to see younger parents although you can't really tell what age people are. Why worry what people think.

Original poster

Loner1993 · 31/12/2017 19:59

Thank you for all the replies :) the overall theme being that 24 is not young for a baby! I’m wondering whether maybe I feel that I am young to have a baby because of my job, where very few people have babies so early on.

For those who have asked, i qualified from
Med school at 23 (did 5 year undergrad course) and completed my first year of doctoring (and some of the second) before going on mat leave.

And for the person who thinks I’m lying because a doctor would never plan to have a baby at 24... there is no easy time to take time out to have children in medicine and I chose to do it at the beginning when I have the least responsibility and career stress. The common opinion that it’s easier to do it once fully trained (consultant) is very much not true from what I have seen. But you are correct in thinking very few make the choice that I have made.

OP posts:

Chocolate50 · 31/12/2017 20:09

Do you look young for your age? And do you feel like a young mum?

Also are you in an area of the country where people are more judgy about this sort of thing than other places??

Thinking that you might be self conscious about being a mum for some reason. But I think its great when I see babies and mums of all ages, people can be good parents at any age, I know people of 35 who are amazing parents, and likewise I know people of 16 who have babies also brilliant parents. It doesn't matter how old you are, just enjoy your baby!

halloweenzombie · 31/12/2017 20:10

I had 3 by 24

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