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Original poster

Friend deliberately got pregnant then had abortion!?!

55 replies

PasstheStarmix · 28/12/2017 11:51

Hi, I didn't know whether to post this under parenting or relationships but it's a bit of - cross over I suppose.
When my friend found out I was pregnant she came off birth control and began to take prenatal vitamins behind her boyfriend's back. She hadn't been together with her boyfriend long (maybe a year at that point and they don't live together.) Her boyfriend had never treated her very well so I was surprised to say the least. She told me she was panicking because of being in her mid 30's and it could be her only chance. She was well aware her boyfriend may not want the baby but convinced herself he would once found out

She became pregnant a month before my baby was due and then came over in floods of tears saying her boyfriend didn't want her to keep it. Friend's bf was always up and down and had known mental health issues. One day he would tease her about wanting children and the next decide he didn't want them as already had 2 from a previous relationship.
My friend decided it just wasn't the right time and to have an abortion encouraged by her boyfriend. Being 9 months pregnant myself at the time I found it hard to get my head around (Not the abortion but the deliberately getting pregnant knowing all of the uncertainties then abortion.)
She went through with the abortion and than actually stayed with her boyfriend.
My baby is now 10 months old and my friend recently joked she might have to get pregnant again and come off the pill if her boyfriend wouldn't change his mind.
I feel my friend is very immature for her age (she is now 36). She told work and other friends that she had a miscarriage so they all feel sorry for her and only I know the truth. What does everybody think about this?

OP posts:
Tinselistacky · 28/12/2017 11:52

Personally I would distance myself from a friend like that.

ItsChristmoose · 28/12/2017 11:54

I'd be distancing myself because I struggle to be friendly/supportive with people who are that lacking in self awareness.

But I do have sympathy for her as she is the one living life like this.

formerbabe · 28/12/2017 11:54

I wouldn't judge her. It sounds like a very sad situation for her. It seems like she thought the boyfriend would change his mind and want the baby once she was pregnant, but obviously that didn't happen. If it was my friend, I'd be encouraging her to ditch the boyfriend and find someone who wants the same things as she does.

Original poster
PasstheStarmix · 28/12/2017 11:57

It's so sad but I've tried that for 2 years and she won't ditch the boyfriend. Nobody likes him because he treats her so terribly. Even he himself has called her a doormat. I feel my friend doesn't learn from mistakes and will repeat them over and over.

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DownTheChimney · 28/12/2017 11:59

Urghh she sounds horrible, why would she do that and then think about doing it again? Hmm

Original poster
PasstheStarmix · 28/12/2017 12:00

When ever anybody says anything about him she gets defensive and says they're jealous or look at their partners (nothing wrong with their partners but she will use this as and when.)

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Original poster
PasstheStarmix · 28/12/2017 12:01

I know once was bad enough but to casually joke about trying it again that's what I'm finding difficult to accept to be honest.

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Reallytired17 · 28/12/2017 12:01

I aborted a planned baby.

I can tell you why she did it. Because she thought it would turn out OK. Then it didn’t.

Now the memories of pregnancy have faded she once again believes it will turn out OK.

Up to her.

formerbabe · 28/12/2017 12:02

Urghh she sounds horrible

What an unkind comment. I think she sounds vulnerable.

Original poster
PasstheStarmix · 28/12/2017 12:03

When she joked about doing it again you're only talking about afew months after the abortion.

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Rainbowmother · 28/12/2017 12:03

What do you get out of the friendship?

MsGameandWatching · 28/12/2017 12:05

There seems to be so many threads about women “misusing” abortion at the moment. Strange.

Original poster
PasstheStarmix · 28/12/2017 12:06

I did really like my friend we used to get on really well. I'm starting to wonder though now as she is behaving in ways I don't agree with.

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Original poster
PasstheStarmix · 28/12/2017 12:07

I used to feel sorry and try and help her but now I'm starting to think she's bringing it all on herself.

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Reallytired17 · 28/12/2017 12:08

So are you her friend or Saint Peter holding the keys to heaven or hell? Confused

Original poster
PasstheStarmix · 28/12/2017 12:09

I'm not religious...

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Original poster
PasstheStarmix · 28/12/2017 12:11

What I don't agree with is my friend's acceptance at being treat appallingly and after one abortion risking another so flippantly when she knew the person she is with is unstable.

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Original poster
PasstheStarmix · 28/12/2017 12:11

treated

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MuseumOfCurry · 28/12/2017 12:11

There seems to be so many threads about women “misusing” abortion at the moment

Yes.

Original poster
PasstheStarmix · 28/12/2017 12:12

Getting pregnant behind his back I don't agree with and for that pregnancy to be determined on whether her boyfriend wants it or not is to me far too risky.

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PinkHeart5914 · 28/12/2017 12:13

You don’t take it upon yourself to decide you will get pregnant without your partner knowing what your doing and then be shocked when he doesn’t want it and go for an abortion.

As for the joke of saying she might have to do it again, fucking disgusting behaviour

I’d judge and I couldn’t and wouldn’t be friends with her tbh

Faroutbrussel · 28/12/2017 12:13

My SIL (late 30's) was in a new relationship and joked in a hopeful way about becoming pregnant as they were not using any contraception. A couple of months later she did indeed fall pregnant, told everyone the good news, discussing gender and possible names, asked my DH to be god father and then after having a healthy 12 week scan decided to terminate saying it just wasn't the right time. She is still with the same partner and they are pregnant again she is now over 20 weeks. I am struggling to be happy for her.

Original poster
PasstheStarmix · 28/12/2017 12:23

Also as a reward for her getting the abortion her bf changed his status on Facebook to 'in a relationship.' Baring in mind they had been together over a year at that point and she'd been wanting him to change it for months and to stop liking other girls pictures yet liking nothing of hers.

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SandAndSea · 28/12/2017 12:26

I know someone who got pregnant after deliberately not using contraception, fully intending to have an abortion. It seemed to me like it was all for attention and drama. (She's a narcissist.)

It all seems pretty unhealthy to me.

Original poster
PasstheStarmix · 28/12/2017 12:29

I do think she did want a baby but was only prepared to keep the baby if her boyfriend agreed. She was jealous of his relation with his ex and how they have 2 children together and I think she saw it as a way of cementing their relationship. I did feel sorry for her up to a point but the way she has gone on afterwards has made me question a lot of things.

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