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Original poster

10 month old and Christmas chocolate?

26 replies

PasstheStarmix · 27/12/2017 12:53

Hi, DM bought 10 month old DS loads of chocolate for Christmas. DS has never had chocolate and doesn't have refined sugar. She bought huge pouch of chocolate buttons, tube of milky bar buttons and loads of Aldi diary fine bars of chocolate (x20.) and some other stuff! I thought it was ridiculous to get that for a 10 month old baby. I feel it's not up to her when to buy ds chocolate unless she knows he's having it as me and dh haven't been done that ourselves yet. She didn't ask me before buying it and I feel like it's not something she should have done. I'm not very happy at DM. AIBU?

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Original poster

PasstheStarmix · 27/12/2017 12:56

As not to drip feed DM was the person that when I was having trouble breast feeding when ds was 3 months old because he was cluster feeding 10-12 times a day (through a growth spurt so perfectly normal) suggested would I not want to try him on solids as he was prob hungry!

OP posts:

debbs77 · 27/12/2017 13:00

Just hide it. You don't need to give it to him

NameChange30 · 27/12/2017 13:01

Just eat the chocolate yourself or give it away. And say to her “thanks but we’re not giving him chocolate yet”. Be casual but firm. And there’s no point getting into an argument about it, you don’t need to justify yourself or persuade her.

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Tinselistacky · 27/12/2017 13:02

Melt it all, make crispy cakes!

icantdothis2017 · 27/12/2017 13:03

Yabu imo.

Also the older generation don't really understand cluster feeding etc ..they where told to give solids at a younger age etc so that's where that comes from.
It's just what they where taught .

A chocolate button never hurt a baby :)

Original poster

PasstheStarmix · 27/12/2017 13:06

Ican this isn't simply a chcolate button it's enough chocolate to build the Taj Mahal. Also DM knew that as I told her the change in regulations but she still thought she knew best. Anyway it's the control thing that annoys me as she doesn't listen to me and does it anyway.

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Chienrouge · 27/12/2017 13:10

Just don’t feed them to him.
Mine are 4 and 2 and they’ve been bought a ridiculous amount of chocolate (by other people). I’ll ration some of it out to them and eat some/give some away.

Original poster

PasstheStarmix · 27/12/2017 13:20

I guess I'd understand at 2 and older but at 10 months. DM also brought him age inappropriate toys that are dangerous and he can't even have. I feel like she wants him to be 5 years old all ready.

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IWouldLikeToKnow · 27/12/2017 13:22

Our son was 4 months old at Easter. It didn’t stop my MIL and others getting him an egg. I obviously didn’t give it to him. And I’m pretty sure she knew he wasn’t going to get it. You don’t need to make a big deal of it.

BertieBotts · 27/12/2017 13:25

He's 10m old so he won't even notice if you take it away. Just hide it, let him have a couple of buttons if you want, and eat it yourself or give to neighbours' kids etc.

Don't worry about it - she's got what she wanted from giving the gift which is the moment of giving. You've (I hope!) said thank you politely. And now you just put the things away until DS is old enough to use them safely.

Try not to see it as a personal attack. She is not criticising your methods. She is just excited and loves her grandchild, even if she does get things a bit wrong. Have a bit of a giggle with DH at how inappropriate things are and just manage them yourself while appreciating the gesture for what it is.

Original poster

PasstheStarmix · 27/12/2017 13:25

We don't like the chocolate she bought and can't eat it ourselves as the expiry date is really soon aswell and we already have loads ourself so we're going to put it all in a donation box in our local supermarket.

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BertieBotts · 27/12/2017 13:26

The chocolate etc won't be an issue next year because he'll be old enough to eat it. Toys may well continue to be inappropriate but ah well. It's really not a big deal. Don't fall out with her over what is a short lived problem.

Chienrouge · 27/12/2017 13:28

I guess I'd understand at 2 and older but at 10 months. DM also brought him age inappropriate toys that are dangerous and he can't even have. I feel like she wants him to be 5 years old all ready

Well the good thing is that at 10 months you still have full control over what he eats and plays with. No harm done.

Original poster

PasstheStarmix · 27/12/2017 13:29

I think my anger at dm does deeper so things like this annoy me more than they would normally. She hasn't seen ds since he was 5 months old due to her behaviour. I wish she'd taken an interest in what ds likes and make an effort to see him more and save her money. Yes I said thank you as I always do. DM is a narcissist though so my thank you won't be good enough. She will go on about it for the next 12months and ask repeatedly if ds liked his chocolate etc.

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 27/12/2017 13:29

Well there you go - some other child who perhaps wouldn't have got much chocolate for Christmas will benefit from it instead :)

Shutupanddance1 · 27/12/2017 13:30

Eat the chocolate yourself - what’s the problem

Original poster

PasstheStarmix · 27/12/2017 13:30

Thanks everybody. I just wish my dm was normal like all of the other lovely grandparents I see. She is all about keeping up appearances and what others think than actually forming a loving bond with her gc.

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TheEagle · 27/12/2017 13:36

Just tell her your baby isn’t having chocolate. Then either eat it yourself, regift it, donate it.

My ILs regularly shower my children with chocolate, we just divert it away from them and snaffle it up ourselves.

Lots of grandparents see the giving/serving of food as an act of kindness and love.

My MIL constantly buys toys for DTs that have too many small parts for them. Again, we just divert and give it to our older DS or put it away for a while.

Original poster

PasstheStarmix · 27/12/2017 14:01

DM doesn't show love any other way and rarely makes an effort to see ds. Thanks everybody for your opinions.

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CakeAndChocolate · 27/12/2017 14:19

Just say thanks and chuck it/eat it/give it away, it's no big deal. My children get given loads of chocolate but I wouldn't let them eat it all (and in the case of my 1 year old, they're not allowed any at all!) there's no need to hurt people's feelings by saying you won't give it to them.

Original poster

PasstheStarmix · 27/12/2017 15:54

Yeah I wouldn't never say anything but thank you as I did. When she asked what ds needed before Christmas I said clothes in bigger sizes as he has plenty toys etc and didn't need anything else. I wish she'd have gone with that as planned rather that she inappropriate toys and a mountain of sweets he can't have. Now me and dh have more expense on us as we get no help or support throughout the year so Christmas and birthdays we don't understandably like waste. I'd rather she'd got a pack of nappies or something useful as she knows we're skint.

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Original poster

PasstheStarmix · 27/12/2017 15:54

would

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Original poster

PasstheStarmix · 27/12/2017 15:55

than age

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ginexplorer · 30/12/2017 12:51

So the issue here isn’t really the chocolate at all is it. It’s the relationship and the negative feelings you have with DM ( I assume DM is mother - sorry I’m rubbish at the acronyms).
I sympathise as it’s hard if a grandparent doesn’t live up to expectations but if I were you I would start finding ways to manage those feelings so they stay positive. You can’t change her or her behaviour all you can do is tread carefully and find a way through (maybe external help if really bad ) to get better at dealing with her and the way her behaviour makes you feel.

Make the focus about you and your partner/ child and getting the best you can for them and don’t have any expectations of her- you can’t then be disappointed.

Purple52 · 30/12/2017 12:56

Are you still breast feeding?!
Eat it yourself!
I bought an Easter egg for a baby born at Easter. I didn’t expect him to eat it. But knew mum would enjoy it!!

FYI your children will get ALOT of presents you don’t like or agree with! Chocolate is a very easy one to deal with!
You need to decide which battles you’ll face head on. Which will
Hide in the back of wardrobes to be worn/photographed for the benefit of the gifter only and which go to jumble/school fetes/charity shops or eBay!!!

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