How do you do anything with preschool children?

[Tortycat]

Dc are 3 and 1 and i need some tips for how to get other things eg housework done. I just cant get on top of my life/ house etc. 3 yr old rarely naps (if he does its a nightmare getting him to sleep at night). 1 yr old will only nap for 30-40 mins per day, often in the car (and won't transfer). He also wakes x2 at night so I'm always tired. I've gone back to work 2 days when they go to nursery, but neither are happy so i dont want to put them in for extra. No family nearby to help, and i also have to help df who is local but has dementia. Dh works full time, but does help at home (could do more but doesn't)

I just cant get on top of jobs. My standards are quite low but the mess is starting to get me down and i spend ages looking for lost things which compounds things. We're lucky to have a large house and garden but it means a lot of work. Examples - house is a tip, presents arnt wrapped, fresh food shop not done and not ordered a turkey (now stressing!), only half decorations up etc. How do other people do it?? I read all these life hacks but by the time dc are in bed I'm just so tired i have no energy for anything.

Myb2 youngest are 3 and 4 I am at figuring out how to get things done. I also have a 13 year old who has Autism and the 4 year old has sen and is delayed and is more like a 2 year old development wise. I have given trying to get it all done it's never going to happen. So what gets done gets done otherwise it doesn't haha.

I had 3 under 3.5 and my life was exactly like this. There is no solution except to understand that this is a brief phase of your life, and will pass.

In practical terms the only thing that helped me was having a cleaner.

Don't buy a turkey, they are horrid imo. Get a lovely joint of beef. Don't stress about the food, just get what you can.

I have a housekeeper-no way I could make the effort to clean and still have enough energy to refrain from killing someone. My eldest (3) also goes to nursery full time-since he started it's been much easier.

Book them into nursery for an extra day. It will give you a chance to catch up on stuff and maybe have a bit of time to yourself too. if your DH has an issue with this you need to tell him to step up or else. Why are you letting him get away with not helping out?

Or get a cleaner and send your ironing out.

Can you afford a cleaner? That would make a massive difference and is so worth the money.

I have cleaners 4 hours a fortnight. Plus a DH who has a day off a fortnight while I’m working and DC is in childcare.

I have a 3yo and 1yo with no family help too. I dread to think how the place would look if we didn't have a cleaner. Just 2.5hrs/wk but it means we can guarantee everything gets at least a basic wipe down once a week, and means we are forced to give everything a tidy ahead of her visit. If you can stretch to it then a cleaner makes a huge difference.

I had one day a week for a few months where both DCs were at the childminder and I wasn't working, which was amazing for keeping on top of household admin and DIY but that's really quite a luxury for most families I think, including ours!

Past that our tactic is to just lower the standards even further.

Ask your DP to pick up a turkey. Crown is less hassle. Otherwise get a chicken.

Also ask your DP to pick up gift bags and use those instead of wrapping. Save them for next year and then you'll have one thing ready for next year without any more expense or hassle. Also ask him to get 2 Santa sacks for the DC.

Will DP be off work tomorrow? If so, let him babysit while you head off to the shops. Make yourself a very specific list and aim to buy everything from one shop. Set off as early as you can. Go for the ready prepared, frozen, least hassle options.

Can you 3yo help / be distracted by some small chores? Certainly he can tidy up his own toys. Maybe you or DP can give him a good run around in the park and take the baby along in the pram while the other parent cracks on with some vacuuming etc. at home.

I'm not saying this in a goady way, I'm really not before I get some 'ooh get you' comments. Also, no, my kids aren't all 'easy' my three year old won't watch TV while I get things done etc, she has to be doing something all the time. Anyway...I've got three, age 5,3 and 10 months. My house is always clean and mostly tidy. The key is keeping on top of it, some jobs take priority over others. The other thing is we are out all.. The...time. Less time for them to mess up, tires them out more and I have less mum guilt about then cleaning and tidying a lot when home.

I wash pots after each meal, never leave them 'for later' , I get up super early most days to give time for this when its school days. The washing gets done as soon as there is enough for a load, its washed, dried, folded and away in the same day, I never let it build even if in doing it at daft o'clock, I'd rather that then have that and the next load (I do 7-8 washes a week) and the clean stuff to do. I clean the bathroom while the kids are in the bath. They get to play longer, I get the room cleaned, I do it twice a week so it's easier to do each time. I hoover up and dust while the kids are doing crafts or whatever, baby normally just crawls around after me while I do it or I have him in the sling, he's a big lad and heavy but needs must! I have lots of little set things I do now and it keeps me on top of it. Laying clothes out the night before also saves the older two taking ages to choose what they want to wear (who knew 5&3year olds are very opinionated on this )

I will admit I'm shattered by the end of the day but the house being a mess would really stress me out so its worth it to me. Its not easy, young kids are tiring! It can be done though and after a while it's all second nature

Getting a dyson cordless vacuum cleaner has definitely helped me as it is so much easier than lugging out a huge Hoover so I do it way more. Also putting stuff in to assigned areas after every use and getting actual storage boxes, tubs, baskets etc does make things neater and more organized. Also get kids used to tidy up time at the end of the day. They should be helping out also, my eldest unpacks dishwasher with me and puts her washing away for example.

Your problem is definitely the dh, why isn't he doing anything? It's his house too and his kids. You're working hard to look after them and your dad so he should step up. I find that my dh creates a lot of mess (leaves towels around the house for example) unless I give him strict rules!! Sound crazy but he doesn't realize that he's creating extra work unless told.

I also have a cleaner for 2 hours a week and agree that it's really helpful.

I just couldn't have a cleaner, I hate even the thought of anyone but my husband being alone in my house and the thought of being there when a cleaner is there, just couldn't. I've no issue at all with others having them though.

I did the shopping today with the kids, took 2 fucking hours a while but we survived. I made a.game of it, had dd1 pushing ds in the pram (with me guiding it) and dd2 putting things in the trolley for me. I also bribed them let them know they would get a treat at the end if they were good. Sure, my bread was squished and the biscuits crushed but ah well

Also we eat out at Christmas!

I have a (just turned) 3 and a nearly 1 year old. I also have a cleaner which helps, although recently she’s been doing a really shoddy job so I may revisit. I batch cook food for dc so I don’t have to cook on a daily basis and I eat with my husband when dc are in bed. It’s usually late but it’s something for us.

I really really recommend reading Marie Kondo the magical art of decluttering. My house can get in a shit tip sometimes and I still have far too much stuff, but far less than I used to and I find it far easier to throw /donate/sell things that are surplus to requirement. This makes keeping in top of cleaning easier.

Also our living room gets tidied properly every single night, all toys away. I tell dc that they must put their toys to bed.

Washing gets done late at night and I tend to put one in the washing machine, one in the tumble and in the morning when I wake up, I do the same. I don’t wash clothes every night but using this routine I can manage on about 3 nights a week.

Watching with interest as you are describing my life although my I am not working atm and DP does big jobs at the weekend.

However I still can't keep on top in the week!

When I do things straight away it is easier rather than it building up. And I think I'll ask for a cordless hoover for my birthday!!

I think for me I have to force myself to get into the habit of doing it. Feel for ya OP!

Keeping - I’m so glad you wrote that. I often think i would be seen as smug when I see threads like this and feel bad for thinking ‘well I manage to and have a social life as well’. I’m a very ‘busy’ person naturally but I do exactly what you are saying, clean bathroom when kids are in the bath, do a load of washing as soon as there’s enough, hang/dry and fold/put away within 24 hours or so. Also means if you go swimming or something that goes in straight away as soon as Home. Always wash up after every meal, unload bags and shopping straight away, I have a cordless dyson which means I do loads of short bits of hoovering whenever I see a need (eg mud in halway, food on floor - get it out and hoover up then and there). Re toys and crafts I always tidy up activities before getting new ones out - my 2yo already knows this and will actively put her Lego / jigsaws etc away into storage tubs. Bath toys into basket etc, definitely you NEED storage and everything to have a place.i always loosely tidy stuff away before we go out so that when I find Home it’s not like walking into chais. And no I don’t have a cleaner, a particularly helpful husband (he works 7-7) and I do all cooking and cleaning, neither do we have a big house. Oh and totally agree on the going out of the house as much as possible everyday - days I find hardest are those stuck indoors. Even a walk to the park for a runaround or to jump in puddles. Oh and final tip is watch Netflix or iPlayerer on laptop whilst doing chores like washing up or ironing. Suddenly becomes ‘me time’!

Hmmm some ideas here thanks.

• Dp does help but will generally relax after (fairly late) dinner, which makes me resentful of tidying if he's not. One of his jobs over xmas is to fit child locks to kitchen cupboards to stop dc2 emptying them all the time.
• I might try and get a cleaner in the new year - been putting it off due to money and as house is so messy I'm embarrassed to show anyone til I'm on top if it more.
• I do try to do tidy up time with 3 yr old but they're not in the habit yet so its like pulling teeth. I will persevere. 1 yr old has a new favourite pastime of emptying bins which is not helping!
• I dont think my standards could get much lower!
• we definately need more storage. Large house but we haven't agreed on layout/ all furniture so a lot of clutter around... ikea beckons after xmas!

I think I'm just not a naturally tidy person. I might try an extra nursery day as a one off to try and get on top of things a bit more - once youre behind it just seems to snowball

My dc are 9, 6, 3 and 8 months. My house is usually reasonably tidy at night time. I tend to run around tidying up with the bigger 3 whilst tea is cooking. The 3 year old is usually the most helpful. Then I Hoover once we've eaten. Bath the dc and put them to bed then clean the kitchen. If extra stuff needs doing in the day time I just crack on, I might need to stop every 2mins to sort the baby but we carry on regardless. You just need to find a cleaning routine that works for you.
Can you not babygate the kitchen and keep the little ones out altogether to stop the cupboard emptying?

Yeah if you don't have a place for all your stuff the place will look like a shitehole especially with kids. A couple of toy trunks and a bookcase would help. Tomorrow morning take some bin bags, sayyou'll work on the house until say 2pm then go to the skip. and throw out a load of junk. It's a good feeling.

mrsfenchurch I know, its a shame really as I have noticed on mumsnet sometimes (not all the time!) That if you're actually doing alright and have good routines etc you're called a.goady so and so

4yo and 15mo here. I can't relax in mess and neither can DH. Our house isn't immaculate but it is cleanish and fairly tidy.

1. DH pulls his weight.

2. I have a cleaner 2 hours a week

3. I put a load ready in the machine every night before bed so I just switch it on in the morning.

4. lots of storage. Kallax. Kallax everywhere. Everything has a place. "Mummy, where's the frog my party bag from Lily's party (in April!)". Hallway Kallax! Row 4. Middle box. Some Kallax cubes are filled with tupperware boxes with smaller toys eg Peppa characters, Kinder Egg toys, Playmobil etc.

5. DH fills the dishwasher every night and washes the pots. He empties it in the morning and makes everyone breakfast while I get the DC ready.

6. Through either luck or training, I have a very tidy 4yo so she won't pull more toys out without tidying away things she has finished playing with.

7. I have 2 huge washing buckets from Asda, one upstairs and one downstairs. Stuff gets chucked in them throughout the day to keep the place tidy and I put things back once the DC are in bed.

8. Dyson mini vac for when I can't be bothered dragging the big one out

If you don't want to spend a fortune on possibly temporary storage furniture, IKEA kallax and the like are always for sale on local Facebook selling sites. It really makes a difference, having "chuck it all in" storage makes tidying so easy for kids. I was always in awe of how well they tidy at nursery too, so I started doing a Tidy Up song to get my kids to do it, which works surprisingly well, and makes me feel like Mary Poppins .
I do the opposite of everyone else and do all my laundry on one day. Otherwise I found we always had little piles of clean clothes all over the shop that never got put away.
And I bought a giant stock pot/saucepan in IKEA, hundreds of takeaway containers on Amazon, and I cook enormous chillis and the like, so at least two or three nights a week dinner is just defrosting something.
But honestly, I've only really started getting on top of stuff now youngest is three and at pre school.
If you're feeling like you can't possibly get back on top of things can your DP take a day or two of holiday, get some childcare, and have a go? We did a kondo-ing a few years ago this way, which helped massively. I sorted, DP drove to the tip and charity shop almost on constant loop. Unbelievably satisfying.

Just to be clear, I found a tidy up song on Spotify. I am no Julie Andrews