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Original poster

Fuming at brother in law

44 replies

ifihadonlyknown · 15/12/2017 09:18

I am gutted. DP and I haven't been out since I was pregnant with DS who is 7 months. Including step parents and half siblings we have 6 parents and 13 siblings within a 30 mile radius. No body except this one brother is interested in having any sort of relationship with us and the kids. Its fine. We tried , they aren't bothered. Screw them. Saturday night is DP's birthday and my works do. Ive paid extra (partners weren't included) for DP to come and enjoy the meal and disco and we were looking forward to a special night. Brother-in-law was very happy to babysit at ours and I had promised him a pizza and a crate of beer to take home. After trawling the town for a nice outfit, dying my hair etc for my first night out in over a year... BIL simply says he's not doing it now. Not ill. no family crisis just rather go and see his boyfriend. I'm so disappointed I'm in tears and will be taking the outfit back to the shops. My other child is a teenager and wont be around at the weekend and Nathan sleeps like a log so it was the easiest gig ever. I will obviously just decline all invites in future till DS is old enough to be left alone. Bloody bastard. looking forward to this evening out had lifted me out of my depression for a few days but I'm right at rock bottom again now.

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LuchiMangsho · 15/12/2017 09:27

A babysitter? Ask around to find someone other people have used?

Original poster
ifihadonlyknown · 15/12/2017 09:30

I don't think we can afford a professional babysitter and I wouldn't know where to start looking. Only 'friends ' I have are work and They are all blokes bar one lady in her fifties so I doubt they would know. I will cancel. But I'm so cross. I could never do this to someone.

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Merryhobnobs · 15/12/2017 10:00

Oour girl is 18 months and in that time my husband and I have had 1 evening meal out together and 2 lunches. One whilst she was nursery and the other because my sister looked after her. It is so so hard. I get quite down about it at times as well. I love my girl but just an hour or two off makes such a difference.

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LaurieFairyCake · 15/12/2017 10:02

Yes you can afford a babysitter if you were going to be spending £25? On pizza and beer

Sitters.co.uk

Really hope you get to go Thanks

Tinselistacky · 15/12/2017 10:07

How old is your teenager? My ds 15 was babysitting if we were quite local,

Original poster
ifihadonlyknown · 15/12/2017 10:12

tinsel-She's 16 but she is not very responsible and doesn't interact with her brother, she's held him twice since he was born. I was an awesome big sister and could change nappies and make bottles at 7! DD is cut from very different cloth I'm afraid and doesn't like babies

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Tinselistacky · 15/12/2017 11:08

That's a shame for both your dc .

curryforbreakfast · 15/12/2017 11:12

I wouldn't be giving the 16 year a choice in the matter! But why not ask friends for a babysiter recommendation? I never understand on here why people say they can't go out as they don't have family to babysit. I don't, so I use a babysitter, like people have always done. They aren't hard to find.

Love51 · 15/12/2017 11:12

Does DD have any mates who want to earn a few quid? Ones who you know and trust!

Mamam1a · 15/12/2017 11:32

of course you can afford a baby sitter. ‘Sitters’ as mentioned above. They charge less than £10 an hr.

Merryhobnobs · 15/12/2017 11:51

@curryforbreakfast I've had a look at the sitters website but there is 1 listed for my area (Scotland town) who doesn't seem active. Our friends up here all work and have a lot of commitments. We don't have any neighbors who we are friendly enough with or available. How exactly do you find a babysitter? We live far away from our hometowns, so no family or old friends here. It surely isn't that unusual that people don't have sitters on hand?

Original poster
ifihadonlyknown · 15/12/2017 13:01

Thanks everyone. DP is super protective of DS. He confiscated all his dinosaurs because he thought the tails were a bit pointy so he'd never let a teen babysit (or anyone without a full medical, mental health assessment, childcare degree...)... Anyway, for now it's resolved. I checked with my boss and the venue and they are happy for me to take him. I must sort my life out and make some friends though as these types of things make me miss having mates to swap favours with.

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Tinselistacky · 15/12/2017 13:28

So you are taking your dc to the staff night out? Confused

Original poster
ifihadonlyknown · 15/12/2017 13:46

tinsel- Yeah I know it sounds a bit whacky , but for context, we are going to a venue that's family friendly and part of a sports complex, its one of those nights where a dozen or so local companies get a big table each and have dinner and then theres a disco, really informal. Ive been there before and theres miles between each table. About 16 people are going, 5 of them are relatives and the majority of the rest ive known for 20 years. DS is probably the best behaved baby in the world... He only cries if he hurts himself and will probably wake for a bottle around nine (he's been self feeding since 4 months so its just a case of handing it to him) He's been to weddings before and sleeps through a disco like a charm.

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Tinselistacky · 15/12/2017 14:25
curryforbreakfast · 15/12/2017 14:33

I don't even know what a sitters website is. You ask around, we tend to have children of our friends as babysitters, they are mostly a lot older than ours. So 17-22 year olds, we have several to choose from.

You can also ask at your kids nursery if they have one. You have a teen, don't they have friends who'd like to make a few quid babysitting?

I don't know ehy people think its a difficult thing to do.

curryforbreakfast · 15/12/2017 14:34

It surely isn't that unusual that people don't have sitters on hand

Well no, hence my point: you have to go out and find them!

curryforbreakfast · 15/12/2017 14:35

he'd never let a teen babysit (or anyone without a full medical, mental health assessment, childcare degree...)

did he have all of those things before having a kid? Hmm

pallisers · 15/12/2017 14:38

who minds him when you are working? Wouldn't that person babysit for you? I have no family nearby so we asked at the daycare, asked other parents etc. and got babysitters. There must be somebody in your area who uses a babysitter.

Bit mental bringing a baby on a works night out tbh.

PotteringAlong · 15/12/2017 14:43

Please do not take a baby to your works christmas night out. The venue might be family friendly; the occasion is not.

Original poster
ifihadonlyknown · 15/12/2017 14:56

I don't really understand why him being there is such an issue. He's not going to bother anyone. He'll be asleep. He's never awake between 18:30 and 4am (he sleep feeds himself a bottle about 9, never even lift him out the cot) And all these people we'll be sat with are laid back and wont care because they are having the free meal and then scooting off to a local nightclub (same thing for last 15 years -its a tradition) its not a big thing, no one makes a speech, people wear jeans....I guarantee none of them will be on MN either as they are all middle aged blokes plus one office lady (who I've known since I was 5) And he goes to a private nursery twice a week when I work which cost more than I earn but its nice to see people and talk to adults.

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Gazelda · 15/12/2017 15:11

I'm sorry that someone you usually coin on had let you down.
But hon Dylan , I wouldn't take ds to the 'do'. What about the noise, especially the disco? Will he be in the wait staff'd way?
Isn't it changing the dynamic of a works Christmas party if one staff member has her husband and baby there?

Gazelda · 15/12/2017 15:12

Wow, sorry for typos!
Coin = count
Host Dylan = honestly

Original poster
ifihadonlyknown · 15/12/2017 15:21

I think Ive failed to explain the context a bit, its a small family business we all know each other very well. there will be partners there but they were just expected to pay and every single one of them recently attended one of our staffs weddings, the MD drove the wedding car for the couple. Its that familiar and DP has also mucked in as his trade is useful to repairing the main 'tools' of the business. Also DS will deffo not be in the way there was bags of room at the end of our table last year by the window which looks out onto the sports facility, no waiter access up that end we'll just be put there. 3 people that work there suggested I bring him so I don't think too many eyebrows will raise. And DS is 'noise sleep' trained thanks to weddings and DD who likes a bedroom rave.

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Whambarsarentasfizzyastheywere · 15/12/2017 15:25

It is an issue taking a child to an adults event. It changes the whole dynamic of it and it's not just your company going.

I'm surprised your super protective dh is willing to let your ds be in that situation with a bunch of drunk unknown adults.