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Original poster

Fuming at brother in law

44 replies

ifihadonlyknown · 15/12/2017 09:18

I am gutted. DP and I haven't been out since I was pregnant with DS who is 7 months. Including step parents and half siblings we have 6 parents and 13 siblings within a 30 mile radius. No body except this one brother is interested in having any sort of relationship with us and the kids. Its fine. We tried , they aren't bothered. Screw them. Saturday night is DP's birthday and my works do. Ive paid extra (partners weren't included) for DP to come and enjoy the meal and disco and we were looking forward to a special night. Brother-in-law was very happy to babysit at ours and I had promised him a pizza and a crate of beer to take home. After trawling the town for a nice outfit, dying my hair etc for my first night out in over a year... BIL simply says he's not doing it now. Not ill. no family crisis just rather go and see his boyfriend. I'm so disappointed I'm in tears and will be taking the outfit back to the shops. My other child is a teenager and wont be around at the weekend and Nathan sleeps like a log so it was the easiest gig ever. I will obviously just decline all invites in future till DS is old enough to be left alone. Bloody bastard. looking forward to this evening out had lifted me out of my depression for a few days but I'm right at rock bottom again now.

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ipswichwitch · 15/12/2017 15:26

You could ask at the nursery if any of the staff do babysitting. At our nursery there were a couple who did

Tinselistacky · 15/12/2017 15:28

Not to be awful but I would be more concerned about a lack of sibling relationship than a night out.

Original poster

ifihadonlyknown · 15/12/2017 15:40

whambar-it really isn't that sort of party. There were kids (boys aged about 10 and 12) seated at the table next to us last year (presumably children of a director) there was no crazy drunk behaviour. A 3 course meal, a tame disco and people watching the sports activity from the big window with lots of photos. The youngsters from our company went clubbing after the meal in town. I don't intend to leave the table other than pop to the loo so DS will be with me all the time. Oh and I'm not drinking because I'm trying to get fit ready for big surgery

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DoubleNegativePanda · 15/12/2017 15:45

I wouldn't take him with you. If you simply can't agree on an alternate sitter to watch the baby, you shouldn't go. It's absolutely not fair to the other people going. I would be annoyed beyond belief if my coworker rocked up to our christmas do with her baby. It's an adult function.

he'd never let a teen babysit (or anyone without a full medical, mental health assessment, childcare degree...) this statement is, to my mind, simply crazy. A childcare degree, to sit in the house while the baby sleeps? If those are his requirements for a babysitter, it's no wonder you can't go anywhere together. I assume that neither he nor you have any medical or mental health issues, you both have degrees in child development and are up to date on CPR certifications, etc.

Original poster

ifihadonlyknown · 15/12/2017 15:45

Tinsel-you're right, it baffles and upsets me a bit but she just isn't that bothered. Too larger age gap she's too wrapped up in her own world and she's a spoilt princess (my fault, young clueless mum and I know better now but its difficult to undo) Shes loved, he's loved and I'm sure deep down she cares for him but she prefers to do her own stuff and she has every right to do that IMO she didn't ask for a brother.

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Original poster

ifihadonlyknown · 15/12/2017 15:48

Doublenegative- I was making a joke and taking the piss out of DP when I said those things, as much as I laughed when he took the 'pointy dinosaurs' away. I'm no where near as panicky as him. I was mocking him. His overprotectiveness is part of the issue but I wont go against his wishes.

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DoubleNegativePanda · 15/12/2017 15:51

Thank god you were making a joke! I was rolling my eyes so hard I could see the back of my head.

I understand fully needing to come to an agreement and compromise, but why are his wishes the only ones being considered? If you are fine with a responsible teen babysitter, aren't your wishes on the subject just as valid? He just gets the final say? If that were the case, I'd leave him at home with the baby since he doesn't trust anyone else.

iboughtsnowboots · 15/12/2017 15:57

In the future you could ask the nursery staff about babysitting, they are often happy to do this for extra cash, know the DC and are trained.

littlepoppett · 15/12/2017 15:59

Your company might not be getting drunk, but others most definitely will be. It’s not right to take the baby. Sorry it’s just weird and not fair.

woofmiaowwoof · 15/12/2017 16:01

I don’t think taking the baby is weird, as long as they’re safe we used to take dd to parties as she would be fast asleep.

woofmiaowwoof · 15/12/2017 16:02

I do think your family sound like a Scrooge like bunch of knobheads though - but if they’re that flakey, you’re probably better off without their help!

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 15/12/2017 16:16

Sounds like a weird family dynamic all round. Entire family distances themselves from you, your own daughter won’t hold her own brother. Your DP won’t allow anyone to look after him. I suspect there is a link between the first two and the third.

Original poster

ifihadonlyknown · 15/12/2017 20:06

That's very judgmental DonnyAndVlad. My family haven't distanced themselves from us, they are all like it to one another! The bonds are weak because of ancient feuds that have sod all to do with us. DP's parents were alcoholic/psychopathic/hapless wrecks like mine. Its something we have in common, We were both the older child picking up slack for said parents we are both quite nurturing. We were surprised and delighted that against all odds we got our little boy( 12 MC's ) and I had honestly given up hope we also have had cot death in close family so that might explain a little of his anxiety (although I accept its excessive) And DD is the first born child she did not ask for a brother and has every right to be aloof if she wishes. I'm told she'll warm to him once he's speaking (according to a clever friend) My family is not typical but it is very loving.

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DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 15/12/2017 20:09

So a weird family dynamic then, like I said.

Chillyegg · 15/12/2017 20:33

You can’t take your baby to a staff do. Completely can’t do it.

Sunrise888 · 15/12/2017 21:32

I don't understand the negativity to bringing your baby. It's fine if your boss says so - they set the tone of the party. My CEO encouraged the new mums to bring our babies to our Xmas do this year if it meant we'd be able to come. OP you can get baby ear defenders if noise/music is an issue.

Cutesbabasmummy · 18/12/2017 15:10

I'm a bit shocked by the self feeding thing?! I would never expect a 4 month old baby to give itself a bottle!!!

Tinselistacky · 18/12/2017 15:26

Has it been the party yet op??

Original poster

ifihadonlyknown · 19/12/2017 13:37

tinsel- yes we took him. He was passed around a few people for 20 mins meeting and greeting before being popped back in his car seat and handed a bottle. Slept through the meal and disco-I even had a dance! and as fortune would have it we were at the back with an empty table behind us which I put him on so could see him even though he was well out of the way. Biggest relief was spotting some other kids wandering around. He was the only baby but was an absolute dream. We got away with it.

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