ok a large family close together or spaced out?

[LilyLoo]

Just a thought we have couple of close friends both with four dc's one under ages of seven one under ages of five. Both mums ten years difference between them so not sure it's an age thing but wondering if having all your dc's close together means you may be thinking more about having a large family rather than spending time focusing on each individual child?

Agree with knakered. No need for activities if you all have fun together and with their friends. Always enough kids around for football or whatever.

Having a bigger gap has it's advantages too. I have 3 yr gaps between each of mine. Found it worked for us. It's a personal choice. I felt that I didn't want to be overwhelmed by lots of close-in-age baby/toddlers. Didn't want the early years to be a blur. I'm a wimp

I did say earlier some people will struggle with one and others will be perfectly happy with 16.It is down to the type of person you are, I always loved being around young children for as long as I can remember. Howver maybe if you ask me when they all hit puberty at around the same time my response may be different

There's no right or wrong way. Each has pros and cons.
Only thing I would say is that having your children close together perhaps makes family activities etc easier. Some of my friends who have a large gap find that the children have very different interests/needs, and I think the gap tends to widen once they get a bit older. Also, in terms of career, it might be easier to have them close.

Agree Mog thanks for coming herre and giving your view Hat trick i hope that comment wasn't direcetd at me i am in no way questionong your choice or feeling sorry for your children, i don't know them or you . As i said in my op it's a question on the age gap and like most of you have said what suits one won't suit another. I guess Mog there would be people with only one or two dc's who haven't done many activities either because of the age gap! Princess that book sounds interesting will def look that up thanks. That's more what i am saying i suppose 'the difficulty to provide individual attention' so some interesting theories there, although many people on here would disagree.

'and that similarly children in families of 5 or more are more likely to be disordered because of the difficulty in providing individual attention'

What rubbish, would like to see what studies they based those findings on!!

I come from a family of six, ten year age gap between first two, then 18 months or two years between the next three, then six years between the last two. We are now aged 37, 27, 25, 24, 22 and 15.

We always had quality time with our parents, they had this many because they like children and being parents. All my siblings are now 'normal' stable adults and we are a very close family.

Surely people don't think quality time has to involve one to one time?!?! I had quality time with my family, in all sorts of different combinations, and still do. There is certainly never a shortage of people giving you attention, I think my 15 yr old brother in particular gets huge amounts of quality time and attention, he doesn't just have two adults who care about him and love him, he has seven!

It's great now for my ds too, with so many doting aunts and uncles!

No one family type is ideal or better than any other, all sorts of combinations work really well. I think a lot of it comes down to the parents.

I have to agree with climbingwalls about the "quality time" issue. Actually there are lots of studies now saying that quality time is meaningless, and what children really need is quantity time. Quantity time means a mum who gets on with doing her own thing (looking after other kids, hobbies, cooking dinner), and is just available for her kids when they need her.
Whereas Quality time these days implies that busy parents try to fit in one to one time with their kids, when it suits the parents. This puts pressure on the kids to behave well because parents have set aside "quality time" for the kids. There is lots of emotional pressure with "quality time".

i have 3 children, age 12/7/5, and feel like i'm on a merry-go-round most of the time. It was lovely having ds1 all to myself for 5 yrs, he is a lovely placid child, and we did so many lovely things before he started school. after ds 2 came along and then 3, it's all a a bit of a blur! The little two are very close, but very boisterous, and i feel knackered a lot! They all get time with me , and dh, on their own when we can. But life is sooo busy as they get older, so many after school things and weekend activities, plus i help at them too, to 'be involved', that is what is so tiring, and trying to fit in homework too! The big gap is lovely, but then they lose the closeness as friends. A small gap is very stressful and busy, but they are close friends. But now I look at little ones and feel broody again! I wonder whether I should have had 5 yrs between each, so to savour the one-on-one baby years...

I have 8 children aged 14,11,9,8,6,6,2,2.
They all get on fab and there is always someone to play with no-one gets bored. They all 'get in' to things together which is lovely, the boys that are 11,9,8,6,6 all love Doctor Who and football so they have lots in common too!

I would recommend close together age gap .x

I have 2 step children of 5 and 4 and 2 children of my own of 22 months and 8 months. When they are all together its brilliant as my 2 just sit in awe! Am wondering when to have 3rd child as dh wants to wait awhile but even so wont be anymore than 3yrs hopefully!

Twinmummy - I bow at your feet in awe