ok a large family close together or spaced out?

[LilyLoo]

Just a thought we have couple of close friends both with four dc's one under ages of seven one under ages of five. Both mums ten years difference between them so not sure it's an age thing but wondering if having all your dc's close together means you may be thinking more about having a large family rather than spending time focusing on each individual child?

Just that i wonder whether when you have a larger family with a year or so between them does this have an impact on the other children. Do you feel you have less quality time with them ? As oppose to having a bigger gap between each child?

TBH i only have two with nearly three years between so can't really comment i suppose like you see i think that was a good gap, guess you can't compare. It's just that one of our friends has a ds who is a 'handfull' and i sometimes wonder whether having another two dc's has exemplified this. Maybe it more to do with the temperament of the dc's then? I just interested on others opinions on this esp those who have larger families. From your point of view then Hat trick it works.

"Quality Time"....?...I have 4... 1st 3 in 3 years...they have a wonderful time ...they get a lot from each other ...we are very hands on parents...not sure if I resent the implication?...think that children gain more from having close siblings then they "loose" from having busy parents...think the reality is that parents dont have any quality time for themselves when you have a houseful of toddlers, babies and new borns for years at a time...however it all pans out later as it is easier when they are all close in age to do all things together ...ie all doing similar after school stuff rather than bringing a teenager to judo and a toddler to tumbletots...I also have a new baby 9mths now - 4 year gap from next youngest...and this has been wonderful...to see another side of the older (5,6,8) childrens character come thru..caring, loving, nuturing etc...sometimes life doesnt go to plan...if you are in to "ideal" spacing and need that kind of control and seek "quality time"...a big family is not for you as all control slips away
?

My smallest gap is 4.5yrs so I can't really say how it might have been if my children had been closer in age. But I know that I enjoyed having time to spend on each one before the next came along and never fancied two in nappies or a double buggy.

My view is coloured by my having a bro just two yrs younger than me. We fought like cat & dog and still don't really get on very well, whereas I adored my bro and sis who were 5yrs and 8yrs older than me.

And I did lack quality time esp from my mum. I recall being thrilled when younger bro had his appendix out because I had my mum to myself for a few brief days.

Knakered not meaning to offend at all i just really interested that's all. I agree Suedonim i have enjoyed spending time with each dc too. I never planned this knakered and def agree life doesn't go to plan for majority.

We have small gaps like hatrick and my children all adore each other and all get an equal amount of time spent with them. They do have to wait sometimes for attention but then there is always someone else around to entertain or help. Ds is 3.6yrs, DD1 is 16mths and DD2 is 3.5mths and they interact so well together it is making us consider when to have a fourth. I had a 7yr gap between myself and my sister then there was 15mths between her and my other sister and I always felt left out and like I didnt belong as they were toddlers together, children together and teens together. I didnt want my children to feel like that as they are/will all be into similair types of trips at the same time like going to toddler group now. Where because of our gap when I was into going to the cinema my sisters were too young etc.

So do you think it's down to the person then? Interesting that it's said the dc's don't know any different yet as adults they can vividly remember the impact the age gap of their siblings had on them.

agree with that comment hatrick[you do speak a lot of sense..lol] My mum did have a big gap but tbh I dont particularly remember any quality time. I do feel I give all my children quality time as they have time together where we sit down to do things/go out and talk etc but then I do also give them all individual time, bedtime routine is when they all get some 1-1 and obviously at other points in the day depending what is happening. It cant be bad as Ds has asked if we will have 5 children..lol

Go Nemo's ds . I have to say i really admire you mums.

lilyloo its hatrick she made it sound easy.. I think it is down the the type of parent you are aswell, I know some people who can barely cope with one and would admit that where I always knew I wanted a large family.

ok then what if one of your dc's was displaying particular 'hyperactive' behaviour (sorry didn't know how to word it) would that make you think again before going on to have any more dc's ?

I have 3 dds in 4 years and tend to think that what they miss out in parental attention they recoup in sibling attention. I'm probably influenced in wanting them close together as I'm one of 3 in 3 years and I liked having siblings close in age. My sister (20 months younger than me) has always been my best friend, she still is even now. I know you can't guarantee that having them close in age will make them get on well and be friends, but certainly I tend to see the pluses more than the minuses of having them close together from my experience.

I had three in 3 years and I do think they have missed out on some things. We haven't done as many activities outside the home, I'm more grumpy and have less time to just sit down and play with them. I think there are disadvantages to having them close together and if I had been younger I might have left bigger gaps.
However, my three will play endlessly together. Because they are at very similar age levels they never get bored with each other. Imagine the payoff is as they grow and you see them supporting each other through each phase.

Also wouldnt change what we had done. I think unless we had a severly disabled child who required extreme amounts of care to the point where others would be neglected then I would possibly have had larger gaps. However fortunately I am not in that situation. My little boy is hyper and has been mentioned possibly mildly autistic and my DD1 has quite bad asthma resulting in hospital trips around once a month. IT still has not changed my opinion on whether I should have waited for more as all I have to do is watch them together and I know my choice was right.

Did any of you plan the small gap then ? Nemo , Fennel was this purely down to your own experiences with your siblings ?

Mog can I ask why you didnt do much out the home??? Sorry just being nosey.

funnily enough I never set out to have small age gaps, when I got pg with Ds we had said we would wait until he was 4 before we tried again, then he got to 8mths and we felt ready to TTC, got pg when he was 12mths and had a missed mc at 15wks. After the d+c we felt ds had lost out not having a sibling and that he would benefit from it so we ttc again and got pg with dd1 3mths later[2.2yr gap]. Then when DD1 was 2mths dh and talked about having another and felt it would be positive for our family so we were not ttc but we were not careful either and DD2 was concieved[12mth gap] and was best decision we have made. I suffer from depression but the one thing that has kept me going throughout is my children. Just hearing them giggle and play with each other is delightful, the fact that DD1 at 16mths wakes up and first person she goes to see is DD2 then ds for kisses is wonderful then they all pile into our bed. I love the mayhem of 2 toddlers and a baby, I love the fact I am stopped so people can comment on my beautiful well behaved children.