How to get 3yo to poo in toilet?!

[SleepForTheWeek]

Will try to keep as brief as possible.

DD1 is 3, she has been out of nappies since 2.5yo and hasn't had one accident - her bladder control is truest remarkable - BUT she won't poo in the toilet come hell or high water. She will only go in a nappy.

Back story : she was badly constipated when she was 2 and as a result started stool withholding. It's an on going issue but she's on Movicol daily which has made her regular and it's no longer an issue having a bowel movement , as long as she has a nappy on.

The problem is, she will literally just hold on to it until medical intervention if I don't let her poo in a nappy.

What is the best way to tackle it??

Any advice welcome

My friend had this with her ds, she found the cure was cutting a hole in his nappy and letting him sit on the toilet wearing it. Then offering him massive amounts of praise and showing him what a big boy he was / rewards etc. Over the course of the week she managed to persuade him to take the nappy off. I'm not at potty training stage yet so that's my only advice :) good luck

No advice but sympathy here. My son didn't manage this until he was four and a quarter. Being august born this meant October half term of his first year at school.

Suddenly it just happened and has been totally fine since.

Thank you why! I'll definitely give that a go. She's incredibly stubborn head and so I can predict she'll not even try this but you never know!!

Did he know there was a hole cut into it?

No she didn't tell him at first there was a hole and he didn't notice, but it didn't take him long to figure it out lol

Oh gosh we had this except she wouldn’t poo anywhere. She became hideously constipated and it took over our lives.

We read poo goes to Pooland many many many times. We also offered basically as many treats and bribes as we could muster.

We talked a lot about how awesome pooing was and developed our very own poo dance.

It went on for months but we did get there eventually

I have so much sympathy for you, I've just shown your post to dh, this was my dd until 2 months ago. She is 4yrs and 1 month now and totally fine. I did try cutting a hole in nappy but it was too much for her, she was extremely stubborn too. So we took baby steps. Firstly opening one of the nappy tabs while she was sat on the potty, then working up to both tabs left open and so on, until eventually the nappy was basically sitting inside the potty fully opened out. Then one day she just got it, and hasn't looked back. It will eventually come for your dd too, although I'm sure it doesn't feel like that right now!

Thank you @Lackingimagination6 and @Passmethecrisps.

We've done the poo land thing - she enjoys the story but hasn't hanged her mind! Every time she tells me she needs to go (which is a blessing after the initial poo withholding) I'll ask if she wants to try in the toilet. She always says 'when I'm bigger' 'in 3 weeks' 'when I'm at school' etc. She does to nursery 5 afternoons a week but would never ever tell them she needed (they are aware of the situation) she just holds it till she's home.

I'm so worried about her regressing with the withholding - they were seriously tough times - it was so distressing for everyone and her behaviour was awful

My 3 year old is potty trained in the daytime but only ever poos in her pull up during he night. She says she does it in her sleep. I have no idea how to even start with this one.

My son used to hold it during the day then do it in his bedtime nappy, sometimes after he had fallen asleep. So we had to do a late night nappy change.

Several people told me I was creating a rod for my own back by pandering to this although none of them had any useful suggestions as to what to do about it.

If I'd known he would just mysteriously grow out of it one day, it would have saved a lot of worry!

@Scrumptiousbears does she wake up when she does it?

I'm hoping that she does just 'get it' one day. She does just take notions for/against things. Eg she has never wanted her face painted at events/parties etc, always point blank refuses, but today at a xmas craft fair she waited for 20 mins in a queue to have her face painted like Rudolph - oh the complexity of 3 year olds!

Try putting loo roll in the bottom of the toilet. Many children don't like the splash.

@knockknockknock I can't even get her to sit on the toilet

DD wouldn't until around her 4th birthday. It coincided with starting nursery (September birthday) and feeling like a big girl. Until then, despite being good with wee for a good few months, she would wait until her nappy went on at bedtime. We encouraged her to try but didn't make a big deal out of it. 2 months in, she's brilliant at it now and is even dry at night. We didn't dare to try knickers at bedtime until the poo was sorted.

Been there with DS3 when he was 3.

Withholding poo, poo goes to poo land, movicol...we got over all that, then he would always say, “can I have a nappy so I can do a poo?”. I know your pain.

What worked was letting him poo in the nappy without comment. Literally saying nothing about the whole thing. I stopped suggesting where he should poo; stopped trying to cajole him into using the toilet It did the trick. I think it was because I took the stress away by having no reaction, which in turn helped him relax about the whole thing.

That gives me hope - we definitely don't push her but I do mention it casually almost every day. I just don't know if I should be trying harder or totally ignoring it

I had exactly this with my DD even down to her being on movicol for her constipation. I tried all sorts. What worked eventually was gradually increasing her movicol so she couldn’t withhold anymore. It was messy in the short term to say the least (I stopped nappies completely to avoid confusion so she was pooing in her pants which was a nightmare) but did work.

Maybe try completely ignoring, then? I tried the casual reminders too. They didn’t work!

Waiting to poo in the night-time nappy must be quite common. Now I’m reading this, I remember my eldest (now nearly a teenager!) often having 2/3 dirty nappies before he would settle to sleep . I’d forgotten that until now!

She sounds just like my son, who also outright refused until he had started school and then one day just did it. He also only does things in general when he's good and ready. E.g. He went from refusing to even hold a pen at preschool and being unable to write his name to being almost as good as writer as his big sister within weeks of starting school. It will happen, OP. I promise!

@Lindorballs that's interesting and definitely something I will consider. Interestingly, at the time DD went into pant during the day she had a stomach bug and so was going to the toilet frequently. For the first few days she was actually pooing in the potty fine, and it must be because it was so soft and frequent.

We did the sticker reward thing.got ds some animal stickers and everytime he did a poo in potty got one.worked like a charm

@Youcanstayundermyumbrella they sound very alike - just like potty training in general real as DD1 would t even sit on a poor then one day wanted to wear pants and has been dry ever since!! I like to think her will full nature will stand her in good stead in the future!

@Sarahh2014 I've tried every bribe in the world - even ones that will cost me £££ but she's got such anxiety about it. We did the sticker rewards for pees in the potty initially which helped but poos are a while other story!

I have a friend who's sons have both done this. The first would poo in his night time nappy just before bed time. The other one waits until he is asleep and does it at some point in the evening! She changes him before she goes to bed!

The good news is the first boy started poos on the toilet eventually. He just decided to do it when he was good and ready. By 3.5 I think? She's hoping her other son does the same!

It's strange how something so natural causes such an issue!