Emotionally gone

[Leanne17]

we had our newest little boy last Wednesday 💙

But weve been in NICU with him since Thursday as he has a type of jaundice that can lead to brain damage if not treated. It’s basically some antibodies that were in my blood (as we don’t have the same blood group)attacking Finns red blood cells and he’s struggling to get rid of them so they turn into jaundice. ( something like that, doctors tell it better!! So hard understanding)

Anyway I’m a bloody mess. I feel so guilty and so incredibly useless because I just don’t feel like I’m being a mum to baby or to My other two boys.

Has anyone else had a baby in NICU and other kids at home?! How the hell did you do it?!

How did you stop being a hormonal, emotional person?! I can’t stop myself from crying.

I feel guilty leaving baby and I feel guilty not being at home for the boys. I need to get my act together as I can see me sinking!!

We just want to be a family at home, but the way things are looking it’s going to be a while before we can! 😥😥

Hi Leanne17, congratulations on your new baby. We're sorry you're struggling right now, it sounds like you're going through a tough time This topic can be a little quiet, would you like us to move it somewhere for you that might get more of a response so you can get some support? We could move it to the Parenting topic which is a bit more active- just let us know by reporting your post and we'll do that for you.

I don't have first hand experience of this but my friend has just come out the other end of this (her second LO was in NICU for a few weeks this autumn). She took every bit of practical and emotional help she could from family and friends and was not afraid to ask for it (contrasting with her first born when she never asked for help as wanted to look like she was fine coping on her own).

And trust me - people want to help!

Hi, I’m so sorry your baby is unwell. My daughter is 6wo now and was in special care with meningitis for 2 weeks so I know something of your pain!

It will pass. Go hour by hour. Stay positive. Accept help.

Congrats on your new baby xxx

It is very very tough being on NICU, so what you are feeling is totally normal. Does your hospital have a psychologist who you could talk to?

We were in hospital for almost 2 months with DS after he was born, but don't have any other children.

Don't worry about your older kids. They will be fine. Your baby is in the right place and I'm sure he is receiving excellent care.

Do get as much support from family and friends as you can. They can help with the older boys while you stay with baby. Remember that you may need care as well; check in with your midwife to make sure that you are being looked after too.

This is not your fault

Thankyou everyone!!

I had a meltdown on Sunday night a full
Scale I couldn’t talk for crying and snot!! (Much needed)

I woke up feeling a lot more positive with the mind frame that ‘we won’t be here forever’

He’s definitely in the best place and my elder boys have been visiting which has helped with the guilt!! It’s just frustrating when you think your finally getting somewhere for a spanner to then be thrown in!!

But everyday he’s improving even if by a small amount it’s something
Xx

That's great news Leanne!

Having a baby on NICU / PICU / SCBU is a terrible thing to go through. The beat advice I can give is to just keep moving forwards and take every day as it comes. Also, lean on your support network; people will really want to help.

Wishing you all the best

I echo comments above
Take any offer of help especially if people offer to put meals in the freezer at home or babysit so your ?OH/whoever can be at the hospital with you giving you support.

Cleaner in so house keeps running
Be kind to yourself. Remember all the hormone changes won’t be helping either

Congratulations - hope he continues to improve. ☘️💐