BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried ·
26/11/2017 16:37
I’m doing the discipline thing all wrong and it’s back firing. I don’t know what is right to do?
DS (8) has always had a temper and behavioural issues right from he started primary school. He has been assessed and ruled out for ADHD and by educational psychologist in school who doesn’t think there is anything like autism or anything else going on. At home he is generally very good, he knows the rules and the consequences and I usually don’t have any problems with him.
But this weekend has been a disaster. He isnt allowed the tablet in bed. It is his weakness, he will try and sneak the tablet to bed all the time. If he does he gets grounded for 1 week which includes no screens. I went to check on him on Friday night before I went to bed and he had the tablet hidden under his pillow so I removed it and said he was grounded for a week. He sulked but that was it. The next day he was spending a lot of time on the toilet and I got suspicious so when he came out I checked and he had hidden the tablet under the laundry in the basket. I told him he was grounded for an extra week for taking it when he was banned from it. Whilst I was putting laundry away he smeared soap around the toilet in my en suite, bent a kitchen spoon 
and poured a bottle of coke I had bought out onto the patio. When I discovered this I told him go get his money (my mum gives him a couple of £ when she sees him) and took him to the shop so he could replace the coke. In the shop he lifted two packets of sweets and set them on the counter. I said he wasn’t getting any sweets. He yelled that it was his money. I replied that he wasn’t having sweets. He yelled “fuck you!” And ran out of the shop. We live near the shop so I knew he would run home. I got in the car and followed him alongside the pavement to the house and he went straight to his room when we got in. He stayed there the whole evening except to come down and get himself cereal.
Today he was mostly ok except that DS1’s phone went missing from his room. This is also something DS2 does often so I asked him to get the phone. He denied he had it but then later it magically appeared back in DS1’s room. DS2 was walking past me in the hall and I started to say that the phone was back in the room and to thank him for returning it but as soon as he heard “phone” he stormed past me saying “I don’t need to listen to this” and went into his room and started throwing things around. It went on for ages but I didn’t go in because I think he does it for a reaction so I ignored. Eventually I heard a smash and went up and he has smashed the pot that the toothbrushes are kept in on the bathroom sink. I called him and told him to get it cleared up which he did and then went to his room. I tried to follow him but his room is absolutely destroyed. He has tipped over shelves, smashed his mirror and god knows what else as I couldn’t even get it. I just came back downstairs. He followed me a few minutes later and I said he could stay in his room until he had put it all back the way it was. He replied “so never, then” and stormed off slamming the kitchen door a couple of times so I knew he was angry. I didn’t react. I have also discovered he has pulled the end off the internet cable as he stormed upstairs.
So, what the hell do I do? Getting angry and yelling doesn’t work with him, he just goes into defence mode and lashes out even more. Do I just wait until he comes to me and then what do I do? Am I right making him tidy his room? It’s really bad. But he wrecked it by himself so he should tidy it by himself? I think I should get him to replace the things he has broken from his own money like the internet cable and his mirror?
Please help. I’m getting this badly wrong.