OMG how do you get a toddler and baby to play together?

[MonkeyJumping]

DS1 is nearly 3.

DS2 is a baby who is crawling, pulling up, cruising and absolutely desperate to grab, smash, or chew on anything that DS1 is showing an interest in, which DS1 is (understandably!) getting pretty annoyed about.

Any suggestions? Is there any way to get them to play together without the constant screaming?

I think you just have to wait it out a bit TBH. Mine were just under 2.5 years apart and they didn’t start to play together in any significant way until DC2 was about 18 months old. On the plus side, they’re 6 and 8 now and can play quietly together for hours.

You don’t.... it’s just a case of making sure they’re not pissing each other off!

Nope. My two with a similar age gap are only just playing together for decent stretches now - youngest was three in August. It still descends into screaming after a few blissful minutes. Sorry.

No. Sorry but this is a completely unrealistic expectation.
It is very hard, takes excellent organisational skills and taking them outside a lot.

Nearly 3yos are barely developmentally able to play with anyone, they often play alongside other children but not really with them.
The baby won't even understand that other people have feelings, wants and goals that are different from their own.

You are going to have to wait.

This is not encouraging :(

On a practical level, do you sit between them and constantly intervene? Or put them in separate playpens? Don't feel I can leave them to it as eldest is lasting out when he gets frustrated.

I did separate them quite a lot, yes. Just because DC1 was into Duplo (and then Lego) and it wasn’t fair when her creations were trashed because DC2 couldn’t understand to leave them alone. But they did play alongside each other too. From quite young, DC2 would enjoy sitting with DC1 while she did colouring. DC2 would enjoy holding the crayons and making marks on the paper.

You don't I'm afraid. At that age I put my youngest in the playpen with toys so I could keep them apart and happy for a while.

Yeah not much, but wheeling cars along the kitchen floor worked for a bit in our house.

Eldest play on the dining table where possible?

Yes, I have a vague recollection of putting DS1 in his high chair a lot to do his Lego/Duplo so DS2 wouldn’t smash it.

I’m afraid it’s going to get worse before it gets better. Once DC2 is really mobile, shit gets real. Having a one and a three year old is like trying to hold 5 basketballs underwater at the same time.

Never leave them unsupervised.

DD2 is 2.5 and can sort of play with DD1 now, nothing complicated obviously but they can entertain themselves for a while.

At 12m either I put her in the carrier on my back to keep her out of dd1's way or dd1 would play peek a boo or sing to her, ie playing baby games. Dd1 is endlessly patient with her which helps a lot!

Don't expect this at this point. That's why in nurseries they usually have separate rooms for babies and toddlers. Not a good mix.

The only game my two (3&1) sort of play together is one in which they fill up their paw patrol backpacks with toys and walk about with them for a bit, pass each other the contents and then walk about with them a bit more. They can do this for ages. Maybe get them some backpacks?!

We put a table and chair in the living room so 3yo DS can do his duplo and puzzles etc up high without the younger one interfering.

Lots of water and sunshine.

Mine would play throwing/rolling a ball together, cars (on a garage or just racing them), teasets/kitchens-making drinks/food for each other, building towers with blocks, cushion obstacle courses-toddler would set it up and Baby would sort of follow, 'dens' so either in a play tent going in and out or with blankets under a table, balloons is a good one.
I'm obviously in the minority by this thread though! They did/do fight/argue too.

Yes, the paddling pool was one area they’ve always agreed on

Put them in the bath. Fill bath with custard. They can fling, paint each other, paint the bath/walls, squish it through their fingers, eat it

We put the eldest in the playpen with his activity. Then kept the youngest out of trouble!

I'm really surprised at the pps... our young dc do happily play together alot! I think for us, we've heavily enforced sharing and we also don't do activities that dc2 can 'mess up'. They love playing with cars or making dens ect! If dc2 breaks dc1s den for example then I just say "aww look it's the den monster, let's quickly build another one!!" Or dc1 can you please make dc2 a drink in your (toy) kitchen? He'll happily go and make it and dc2 will love being given the orange/plate/random toy that dc1 gives him! That can carry on for ages, sometimes dc2 will go to the little kitchen and 'help' too!

My eldest has just turned 3, and the youngest is 10 months. They sort of do play together a bit now!

Things that work:

Tents/tunnels: crawling about following each other.

Pretending to be zombies (to be fair, I'm not sure the youngest knows that's what he's doing, but he launches himself at the eldest's head, open-mouthed, making a groaning noise, then they both giggle a lot).

Happyland. Youngest mostly chewing on people while eldest plays, but often without war breaking out.

Forming a band, with pots and pans. Both are budding percussionists. Sometimes ends badly when youngest starts to eat his drumsticks and eldest gets annoyed he's not doing it properly.

Things that's are less successful:

Story time. Eldest tells youngest to "sit on his bottom and use his listening ears". Youngest crawls off to find something to chew.

Is the baby too old for a Jumperoo?

Compatible toys - ride alongs, dressing up, play food, soft toys. Forget anything delicate or construction-y, at least at floor level. Those can be done at kitchen table as suggested above (unless your DC2 is a climber like mine). If table doesn't work, how about a playpen but for the older one - to do building blocks etc in.

Ours got on very well at that age when in the bath, or in the buggy (baby rear facing, older one on buggyboard). Otherwise... yeah don't expect much.

Age 2 and 4 it got much better.

I have 3 children and it use to be always difficult to make them play together. Its next to impossible to stop them from screaming. It is inevitable. Just make sure they don't hit each other. Just enjoy how they play. Its best not to expect them to be the way we want.