AIBU - to really dislike the newborn bit?

[Toonewtobehaving2]

Please don't think I mean I dislike my newborn. I don't. I already love him unconditionally. It's more I just hate this part of our lives.

My new DS is almost 4 weeks old and those weeks have been spent, not sleeping, trying to get him asleep, feeding him (constantly!) and wondering what to do with with him for the 5/10 minutes at a time he's awake and not crying. Not to mention trying to juggle looking after my Dd who is just about to turn two.

My relationship with DH is understandably strained as we are both tired and feeling new parent guilt over DS and wondering if DD is getting enough attention.

I'm still recovering from a C-sec and large hematoma that followed the surgery and DH is about to go back to work 12hr shifts in a very stressful job on little sleep.

My friend circle has closed down from being quite active with work colleagues - to just my 'Baby mum friends' (and im only seeing those that are willing to spend time with our toddlers and my colicky screamy newborn!) as I'm usually a shift worker and live quite far away from work and my colleagues, it's difficult for them to visit: plus hardly any of them have children. So I'm probably a bit more lonely than usual too.

I know I knew all this was coming and it's not like I didn't want to have two children. It's just this newborn bit is a bit boring, a bit hard and oh so tiring!

Wondered if anyone else was up for admitting they feel like this too??

Or maybe it's just me and I'm not cut out for this bit?

Newborn to when mine were 9 and 10 weeks respectively was very very hard. 2 hours sleep per night, room tilting because I was so tired then they sleep through.
Best time I found was the 9-10 weeks to 5.5-6 months. They slept through and didn't move.
Then they start to get mobile and nothing is the same again

I love the newborn baby stage. Even with my tiny

Mumsie it was my second child too and I was also in a sleep deprived, post birth, 2 child daze and not really thinking straight. She’s mentioned he was up all night coughing, crying and grunting - I’m saying she should see a dr with those symptoms.

Ìts okay to admit you're not enjoying this bit. My dd is 4 months and me and dp both agree the first 4 months have been awful!! We are slowly getting there though as she's becoming more alert, smiling and laughing it gets more rewarding.

Newborn stage is relentless and exhausting. I just keep thinking that it doesn't last forever!

@rainbow I'm not disagreeing with you at all, anything unusual should be checked, however know one wants to be left in a panic thinking their baby has sepsis and that it couldn't possibly be anything else, when it could be totally normal. Get it checked yes of course...but don't tail spin into a panic when it could be totally normal.

Yes agree too - no need for panic just gentle awareness and a consideration of could my baby be ill or suffering from something like silent reflux rather than just a nightmare baby that cries all the time. For me it was the fact that young babies have hardly any symptoms to show they are ill - especially as my second child she didn’t seem that ill but actually was. I don’t mean to frighten anyone but doctors will always be happy to see a very little baby just in case - especially as under 6 weeks they’ve not had their 6 week review.

I think every stage has draw backs. I actually enjoy new born days bar the colic (my 2nd had it bad). Love laying on the sofa with them snuggled. I struggle the most with 6-12months. I’m enjoying my 2nd now he’s 2 and struggling with my eldest who is 5 (going on 15). Swings and roundabouts of parenting. And I’m daft enough to be pregnant with no 3

I'm a bit like this, but hang on to the thought, long days, short years. It really flies and you'll long for those precious newborn baby snuggles one day.
My youngest is 6 months and I'm already thinking how did you get so big!
It's not easy though I do totally get you.

Oh no you are so not alone! My DS was a very 'high needs' newborn and I found it so tough. I was really expecting to enjoy the tiny baby bit and apart of the huge love I didn't much. All the BF struggles, birth recovery (mine wasn't the norm, took a 3 months really) almost zero sleep, inconsiderate visitors, stress and worry. Ugh. I can't in all honesty say I really just enjoyed him and settled into being a mum until he was a good few months old.

I'm thinking of having baby 2 soon and I'm really put off by having to do the newborn bit again. If I could pop one out at 6 months old I'd do it tomorrow!

Concentrate on the end goal... in a few short months your lovely baby will be a smiling, giggling crawler and you'll start to feel normal again!

At rainbow - thanks for the concern, but he's ok. He's seen a GP and is fine. He just snores extremely loudly and is a grunts baby. Apparently more common with C-sections. My first was the same. I did check for reflux, but they state he doesn't have it. More likely colic.

And thanks mumsey xx I would defo take him back if I were concerned!

I loved the early weeks. I was lucky in that my little boy slept pretty much constantly between feeds for up to 6 hrs at a time. He was a big baby and was necking 4 0z feeds within the first week. Moved him onto 'hungry milk' at 6 weeks and got the occasional 8 hr sleep. Partner and I were enjoying wine in the evenings and a sex life from 15 days after my C-section. Wait for it though....6 months old and he's up every couple of hours, demands constant attention and stimulation and crawls at 100mph and causes utter chaos and devastation to my home( I'm so tired I sometimes just weep as I shuffle after him at 3am when he wants to play with his toys and watch American TV). The point I'm making is, some babies are easy newborns, some babies are easy 6m-12m. Some are easy toddlers or some, like my daughter are full time pain in the arses from birth until their GCSE'S. Stop feeling guilty for your daughter, she'll let you know if she's feeling neglected, they are good at that, tantrums, weird behaviour and lots of screaming- I bet she's fine. As for the tiny one, let him cry in his cot for 20 mins while you do your hair. The same while you eat a meal with your DH in the evening. And abandon housework for sleep, feed him extra hungry (or shut up and sleep milk as I call it) I promise no-one will judge you. We are all too hard on ourselves they are tougher than they look.

It's all firefighting / reactive parenting at that stage.
It does gradually get better, promise. Lot and lots better, the older they get.

I feel for you! I honestly wouldn't know how to deal two kids.
However, my friends with older children tell me it get's better, so give it a year, or two, or three. Hang in there!
In a few months life will be different again....

You're not alone.
It's magical and beautiful and the love is enormous and unconditional.

But I couldn't wait to move onto my newborns becoming kids. Even now I don't get gooey at all over newborns. Mine were such non-sleepers. This impacted my lack of fondness for the newborn stage.

It's so nice to hear all these honest opinions! Funny that we all like different stages or are 'blessed' with children who are easier to deal with at such different ages! Parenting is just tough in general I think, I love my DD at this stage, but up until the day DS was born I thought dealing with her alone was tough! It's all relative I guess!

Oh and just to explain- my DS wasn't awake when I said he was grunting and snoring. It was me. His snoring was keeping me awake!

Yep 100% felt this and 1000% felt guilty for it. I was bloody terrified of my DD when she arrived. Could not cope with the lack of sleep, doubted everything I was doing and suffered the worst mum guilt for not "loving every second". I suffered bad anxiety before having her and felt awful as we had planned her, so felt pressured to be delighted the whole time.

I varied from marvelling her very existence to crying with frustration. I truly believed it every time some one joked "you'll never sleep again".... If only I knew it would soon pass I would have relaxed and enjoyed it more (maybe)
When she hit 8 weeks, I finally caught some sleep and we started to get used to each other. Now she's 7 months and I can not imagine life without her.... (melt downs have greatly reduced ... from me, not my daughter)
We are 99.9% certain we are one and done so I feel torn between "phew, thank goodness that bits over" to wishing I could go back with hindsight and enjoy those first weeks more.

I felt like that too RachaelRosie, truth is though, you can't 'go back' it's not the same the second time around. It's different and hard for lots of different reasons! Except the lack of sleep! That's still the same!!

I hate the 0-1 stage and I love the 1-3 stage lol! Not got any experience past 3 to comment further haha!

:)

It's very hard. You're doing the same thing, repeatedly. Change, feed, try to get to sleep. Repeat.

And the worry as well! Are they OK, breathing OK, too hot, too cold etc.

It does get easier. Don't feel guilty for putting TV on for your DD, easy meals etc.

My niece aged 30 has a 10 year old girl, 5 year old girl and girl twins 8 days old! She's amazing - she doesn't moan even though she's tired of course. She can't drive so the 2 older girls have to be taken and collected from school. The twin pram is nice but heavy. Again she doesn'tmoan - just gets on with it.

I didn’t “enjoy” the newborn bit either, I loved my baby more than anything and I loved the sleepy cuddles but I didn’t enjoy feeling like I’d been run over by a bus after my c section and I didn’t enjoy the sleep deprivation and hormones going mental as well as feeling that my whole life had been turned upside down.
I still find it tough now my baby is 6 months but I do enjoy it much more.

I found a new app called Mush where mums can meet other mums. I love it, none of my friends have babies as I'm an older Mum who has been working full time. I've connected with some new Mum friends which I'm hoping to meet when I'm able to (I'm 39werks pregnant!)

YANBU currently functioning on 4 (maybe 5) hours sleep with an even worse night the night before courtesy of my 5week old plus dealing with day 2 of a poorly 3 year old. With the knowledge I could have at least another 10 months of this . op

The newborn stage is hard. Your world has been turned upside down, the tiredness god...my DS would have woken 3/4 times a night for a bottle then been sick over himself and needed changing then pooed! The crying, colic and wind! And me constantly stressing about SIDS. I don't need think I could do it again.

Elmo - I feel for you! DD is almost 2 and dealing with her for and healthy is bad enough. DS is 4 weeks today and has awful trapped wind. So he's quite high maintenance re settling and burping!
Hopefully it won't be 10 months. My DD was down to only waking twice in the night from about 10 weeks and onely once from about 5/6 months. I can live with that. I just need a routine..... to KNOW I'm likely to get some sleep. X