Not returning to work after maternity leave?

[Bella8]

Hi, I am just looking to hear how other people have found maternity leave and if anybody like myself has changed their mind and decided not to return to work afterwards? I'm currently on 12 months maternity leave; I've worked full time for ten years and worked through my studies prior to this. I've always worked so being at home for so long (DS is now 8 months old) has been a major shock to the system! I'm thinking about not returning to work after maternity. Me and DH are thinking I will be a SAHM while we grow our family and I will get a part time term time job once they are in nursery/school. We have arrived to this decision because we have no child care, no family support. I also do not want to leave DS with strangers until he can understand what is going on and can talk back. The cost of child care would leave little profit from my wage after travel etc. The time to get to and from my place of work would also make things impossible. I realise some people don't get the choice and I'm lucky I do. Things are financially tight but we can manage on DH wage with some cuts.

Sometimes not having much adult interaction all day can be difficult, however I actually get more sense out of my 8 month old than I did out of some adults at work. They didn't talk to you like adults and spoke to you like children a lot of the time. The negative attitudes within my work place and the way they treated me throughout my pregnancy has made my decision to leave a lot easier. I can understand being happier to go back to work if you have a better workplace to go back to. I can't guarantee I won't apply for a part time job (hopefully in a lot nicer of a workplace than my current role) at some point sooner than mine and DH's plan. For now though I'm very happy with my decision. Any negatives of being a SAHM are very quickly forgotten about when I cast my mind back to how belittled I felt at work and how undervalued I was. Every time my beautiful DS smiles at me I feel on top of the world and can see how much value I have to him.

HandbagKrabby If you read the full thread I'm getting married this year...😬

Must have taken a long time to
Meet 'every woman.' That's a huge statistic

I can't apply for jobs as I'm on maternity leave and getting married on maternity leave ?

I did the same for the same reasons. But I was ready to leave work. I didn't really believe in what I was doing at work - it was a well paid job but did I really want to be an economic consultant for the rest of my life? With elderly parents and not wanting to put my kids into childcare, it was the best option. There were times when I hated it, not because I was missing work but just because the drudgery of 2 small kids and exhaustion and needing my own space and time. But we chose to have them and now they are 14 and 13 and I've still not gone back to work. We cut our cloth to suit and it works best for us. Am neither a consumerist nor a materialist so don't need a lot of cash and (thankfully) have enough to keep a roff over our heads and food in the fridge. Now they are both at high school I find myself busy, never bored, always got some sort of project to do - landscaping, painting & decorating, upholstering. I've learned to do these things myself rather than paying someone to do it so have a sense of satisfaction at a job well done. I've never looked back nor yearn to be in the 'working' world and all the petty politics that goes with it.

Thank you paganmolloy. You've made me feel so much better and it's lovely to hear the other side. Some of the girls on here make you feel like the worst person in the world for actually wanting to be there for your little one in the early years. They're not little for long and if situation allows why not. I don't think it's anybody's porogative to judge, I don't judge people who work if they already have a choice but want to anyway. I think it's very sensible not to take maternity leave money from my employer given my situation with bad employer far away impossible for me to stay there and don't know why one poster called it crazy? Sounds like you've had a lot of wonderful years with your beautiful children

Oh there have been ups and downs but I've always known it was the best thing for us. Everyone makes their choices and hopefully chooses what's best for them. When I get the judgey questions I turn it right back at them. e.g.
Them: Are you thinking about going back to work?
Me: No, I'm really happy where I'm at. Why? Are you thinking about leaving yours?
No one can ever deny that being happy is the one thing that we all want to be, so cannot belittle any decisions you make that ensures that happiness!

Thanks I love that, I will definitely have to use that one. I agree happiness is way more important than financial gain and I wasn't happy in my previous workplace and love being within DS, like you say it has its ups and downs but so does the alternative and exactly it's about what works best for you and your family. Work will always be there should I go back at some point but DS won't be this age forever. I'm not after a mega career and understand I would go in at the bottom blar blar blar. I've always been a one to go with the flow anyway don't have a 5 year plan!! Thanks again 😃👍🏼x

With DS* dam typos

Well if you know best why are you asking on here? You’ve made your decision and you know what you want. I truly hope it works out for you as no one wants anyone to end up in the shit. To be mindful you are potentially putting yourself in a particular situation is just sensible. If you can find a woman who went destitute due to being an unmarried sahm and is absolutely fine with that situation because they knew it was going to happen when they went into it then well done, you’ve proved me wrong.

'Well if you know best why are you asking on here? You’ve made your decision and you know what you want. I truly hope it works out for you as no one wants anyone to end up in the shit. To be mindful you are potentially putting yourself in a particular situation is just sensible. If you can find a woman who went destitute due to being an unmarried sahm and is absolutely fine with that situation because they knew it was going to happen when they went into it then well done, you’ve proved me wrong.'

I'm not umarried we're getting married this year while I'm still on maternity. And paganmolly is very happy so I guess you've just found someone 😜

Oh and I was just asking for peoples experiences. Good I have them from both ends of the spectrum. I take it
You must have had a terrible time as a SAHM PP as your opinions are very strong.

Pm'd you

Thank you

I use the 'happy' answer all the time. No one can argue with it. You sound a lot like me Bella. I have no 5 year plan, I go with the flow. At the moment I am fortunate that I don't need to work and DH earns enough to keep the wolves from the door. If circumstances changed and I was suddenly a single parent then yes I'd be back out there working, doing whatever I could get to get by but in the present, we get by, everyone is happy.

I understand and sympathise with folk for whom that isn't an option for whatever reasons, but they'd like it to be. I understand and get why folk want and need to work. Me going back to work would not change their circumstances, only my own and at the moment it wouldn't make me happy so why would I?

Very true paganmolloy. Exactly why would we need to go back if we're happier bringing up our children. Life is too short to not make the right choice for our families; not the choice everybody else feels we should make. I am supportive of all Mothers whether choose to stay at home or work or don't have a choice. We're all in the same boat and trying to do the best for our children and being a parent is one of the hardest jobs there is. I think everybody should just stick together and embrace difference.