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Original poster

Not returning to work after maternity leave?

65 replies

Bella8 · 12/11/2017 17:07

Hi, I am just looking to hear how other people have found maternity leave and if anybody like myself has changed their mind and decided not to return to work afterwards? I'm currently on 12 months maternity leave; I've worked full time for ten years and worked through my studies prior to this. I've always worked so being at home for so long (DS is now 8 months old) has been a major shock to the system! I'm thinking about not returning to work after maternity. Me and DH are thinking I will be a SAHM while we grow our family and I will get a part time term time job once they are in nursery/school. We have arrived to this decision because we have no child care, no family support. I also do not want to leave DS with strangers until he can understand what is going on and can talk back. The cost of child care would leave little profit from my wage after travel etc. The time to get to and from my place of work would also make things impossible. I realise some people don't get the choice and I'm lucky I do. Things are financially tight but we can manage on DH wage with some cuts.

Sometimes not having much adult interaction all day can be difficult, however I actually get more sense out of my 8 month old than I did out of some adults at work. They didn't talk to you like adults and spoke to you like children a lot of the time. The negative attitudes within my work place and the way they treated me throughout my pregnancy has made my decision to leave a lot easier. I can understand being happier to go back to work if you have a better workplace to go back to. I can't guarantee I won't apply for a part time job (hopefully in a lot nicer of a workplace than my current role) at some point sooner than mine and DH's plan. For now though I'm very happy with my decision. Any negatives of being a SAHM are very quickly forgotten about when I cast my mind back to how belittled I felt at work and how undervalued I was. Every time my beautiful DS smiles at me I feel on top of the world and can see how much value I have to him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bella8 · 15/11/2017 07:26

finding *

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Original poster
Bella8 · 15/11/2017 07:27

PotteringAlong The reason I say that is because I know somebody who did just that after years taking care of her children. The skills I have are similar to hers and there are more jobs like that in the field.

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Original poster
Bella8 · 15/11/2017 07:28

Schools are only open on term...

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cheminotte · 15/11/2017 07:31

What sort of work do you do? Have you been to see any nurseries or childminders? I had a childminder with DC1 and she was lovely and became a really good friend. Toddlers are a lot harder work than babies.
I would definitely take the full year and any accrued annual leave to keep your options open (and pension payments) as long as possible.
If you are planning a second soon anyway, I would consider going back as the cost of childcare will be brief but you will get the benefit of a second paid maternity leave. You can always set a deadline in your head to leave if you don't get pregnant quickly. I went back full time with dc1 which was really hard. I decided to ask for part time hours when he was 3 if no dc2 by then. Dc2 is 3 years younger so I had dc1's preschool year off.

Original poster
Bella8 · 15/11/2017 07:32

PP who mentioned pension/money etc of my DP left. We are getting married this year so hopefully that won't be a problem... any other SAHM's with that problem?

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Original poster
Bella8 · 15/11/2017 07:34

cheminotte Not worth it unfortunately as I don't get paid maternity and didn't this time... thanks

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PotteringAlong · 15/11/2017 07:34

I know they are. I work in school. I have a holy grail term time only part time job. I had worked their for 10 years when my flexible working request was granted. Most part timers in schools come from people who already work there. And, if they are advertised, you're looking at 100+ applicants.

I'm not saying they don't exist, I'm not saying people don't get those jobs. But look at the TES or your local recruitment website. How many part time term time jobs are advertised? And how many parents do you think want it?

PotteringAlong · 15/11/2017 07:35

*there

Original poster
Bella8 · 15/11/2017 07:35

That's great but I don't trust anybody that's not myself or close relatives and friends with DS. I know someone who used to work in a nursery when I was younger so I've heard what goes on 😬

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Original poster
Bella8 · 15/11/2017 07:37

PotteringAlong Yes it's in an ideal world but that's fine I don't have term time
Now and will deal with situation at given time. I'm lucky I'm in a situation where I can chose.

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Original poster
Bella8 · 15/11/2017 07:38

DS is only
8 months so I'll see how I feel next year. Thanks
Everyone Flowers 😄

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BoredOnMatLeave · 15/11/2017 07:41

It's an easier choice to make when you don't love where you work. I love my job and the company I work for so I couldn't give that up knowing I could end up somewhere I don't like in a few years.

Will you be getting married before your mat leave ends? I wouldn't give up work until I was married (me and DP aren't but I don't want to stay at home anyway/earn more than him etc)

Original poster
Bella8 · 15/11/2017 07:42

At the moment I have nothing to lose apart from my beautiful baby's smiles so I stick with those for now. Thanks again..

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Original poster
Bella8 · 15/11/2017 07:43

Thanks PP, DP earns a lot more than I do so it was a no brainier. Yes we are getting married this year...my maternity doesn't end until next year 👍🏼😃

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Original poster
Bella8 · 15/11/2017 07:45

We own a house together as well and joint account (his idea) we've been together for absolutely years and he's my soulmate. He always wanted marriage but I've never been a one for it but now I have DS seems only right to have the same name as my son.

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Original poster
Bella8 · 15/11/2017 07:52

Any SAHM's who are actually happy with their decision? Who haven't had catastrophic things happen like DH's walking out and being left destitute with no pensions or so isolated etc? Been a a lot of extremes.

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Original poster
Bella8 · 15/11/2017 08:00

Forgot to mention my wonderful job only allowing me to come back full time 5 days a week so I'm not looking back and relieved I didn't take maternity pay that I would have had to pay back...

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SonicBoomBoom · 15/11/2017 08:05

I don't think other people's experiences apply to you.

Your DP is your soul mate and would never leave.
You know Bad Things happen in childcare.
You hate your job.
You declined your employer's enhanced maternity pay (crazy, imo)
You know you can easily walk back into a suitable part time job after a few years out.
You have nothing to lose but not seeing smiles.

That's not the situation most women are in, so if you're happy with your decision and the downsides don't apply to you, then go for it.

Original poster
Bella8 · 15/11/2017 08:17

You declined your employer's enhanced maternity pay (crazy, imo)

Why is that crazy PP???

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Original poster
Bella8 · 15/11/2017 08:19

I don't know that my partner would never leave nobody doesn't we are getting arro e though but all doom and gloom no good either life hard enough...

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Original poster
Bella8 · 15/11/2017 08:20

does*

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Original poster
Bella8 · 15/11/2017 08:20

married*

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Bella8 · 15/11/2017 08:22

I am unable to go can to my current job due to many reasons and circumstances. I am on maternity leave for 12 months and have time to think about things. If I decide to apply for a part time job later I will if things change. I don't plan on being out of job market for years and years though

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Original poster
Bella8 · 15/11/2017 08:22

back*

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HandbagKrabby · 15/11/2017 08:29

Every woman that has ended up destitute after being a sahm did so for what they thought at the time was the best. I would say to anyone that it is utterly foolish to become a sahm and not have the protection of marriage, people change their minds all the time, soulmate or not.

I’ve been a sahm for a couple of months (due to redundancy) and it’s not for me - pt suits me better. It’s much harder to go from sahm to finding a decent pt time job than it was to go from ft to pt.

Everyone is different but if I were you either go back to work until your married or bring the wedding forward and perhaps at least apply for flexible working to see what all the options are that are available to you. Make sure child benefit is in your name as this makes your ni contributions for you whilst you’re sahm too. Best of luck.