Views please on MIL's bizarre smacking habit

[Lovecat]

This is probably a poorly-worded title but it's not a situation that's easily summarised.

Let me first and foremost state that I am 100% against smacking. I was smacked as a child and rather than the pain I remember the burning humiliation and sense of injustice it engendered, and I am determined never to do it to my child.

So how would you deal with this?

Whenever dd trips/falls over/wanders into something without looking and bangs her head/hand/leg etc, if MIL happens to be about, she will go over and repeatedly smack the object that dd has banged into and go 'Naughty table/whatever! Naughty to hurt dd!' and tries to encourage dd to give it a smack as well.

Now, while I can kind of see where she's coming from, given that our ethos is 'mummy doesn't hit, daddy doesn't hit, dd doesn't hit either', it flies in the face of everything we're trying to teach her. Plus I think there's something distinctly odd about hitting an inanimate object...

I'm not sure I can say something without it coming over as humourlessly pompous - although I have a very good relationship with MIL and she is excellent with children (she used to work for Barnados in their nurseries and is fantastic with all her GCs), I've never disagreed with her on parenting before because we've always been on the same wavelength, so I'm wary of causing friction over what may seem like a very minor thing.

However, equally I don't want dd to think it's okay to hit out at whatever hurts her (esp, as she's prone to tripping over the cat!).

Worse still, went out with a friend last week and she did exactly the same thing when dd walked into the chairleg! (Naughty Chairleg!!)

Have I lived a sheltered life or something? I've never come across this before and I find it very weird...

OMG has this got to 101 messages?

MB, you were right....

Thanks to all who contributed, always good to know other points of view! I'm well aware that this is a very, very minor issue and it could well sound po-faced of me to bring it up, hence my original post.

To all those who enquired, the MIL is from Aberdeen, the friend who did it last week was born & brought up in Rotherhithe, I'm from the North-West and I've never heard/seen it done until I had DD down here in the South(Essex)!

I htink it's wierd - surely dd will grow up with a paranoid fear of inanimate objects...

My ex mil used to do this, I'm sure it explains why her son (my ex) truly believes nothing is ever his fault. I preferred to bring my dc up being responsible for their own actions & to watch where they're going!

I used to do this with my children when they were little,although I didn't get them to smack the object.
It is just a bit of harmless fun to distract and cheer up an upset child.
I know my children used to think it very funny and it didn't teach them to lash out at others.

My mum used to do this, I know when something is my fault though. by the time you are old enough to take appropriate resonsibility for your actions, you have grown out of laughing at the naughty door that bumped your head.

In answer to lovecat

By all means raise your point, but be prepared for a "Oh for God's sake, these first time parents!" look, because she may give you one.

Is this a joke? Do people really think that chastising a chair gives rise to adults with no sense of personal responsibility?

Clearly I am a lunatic then! I do this all the time with DD, 4yo.

Funnily enough, she is very self-aware and aware of others and has no problem distinguishing that it is unacceptable to hit, and even an accidental bump will cause her to generate an apology, and also kiss the injured area better.

Although undoubtedly kissing things better is lunacy too.........

Ditto all of what Twiglett said (including "poo bum willies" etc )

Lovecat - next time your MIL does this, go straight to the chair, get down to it's level and say 'oh you poor thing, Granny shouldn't have smacked you' and give it a cuddle.

Then you dd will understand that it isn't ok to hit.

My dad did this until I pointed out that the table or whatever hadn't moved, ds had and he couldn't go through life blaming inanimate objects.

I can't remember how I got him to stop - maybe ds just got more clumsy. He did also try to get ds to hit him (my dad) if he did anything "wrong". I put a stop to that straight away by sending ds to his room for hitting him (pretending I hadn't heard him be told to!)

I did this all the time when DD was little - the blaming the chair leg thing, not the smacking bit. She has dyspraxia and was forever falling and bumping so there were a lot of objects in our house in a lot of trouble a lot of the time.

Just asked DD who is now 8 what I used to do when she was little and fell over a chair or the table, "helped me up" was her first guess. So I prompted more and asked her what did I do to the chair "pick it up" was the answer to that. She was very curious to know what I was getting at so I said I told it off. "Why did you tell me off" she said, just had to explain I told the chair off. She has absolutely no recollection of it whatsoever.

I am now looking forward to being at a zebra crossing with a car driver who doesn't stop the next time, thank you Motherinferior !

I'm sure that over the years I've done loads of bizarre things that my MIL would disapprove of, but she's had the good grace not to mention it.

Better for children to learn that other people have weird habits rather than to have parents who try to protect them from every bit of 'odd' behaviour.

I wouldn't say anything to MIL - she will resent it.

Or weird parents ....quite fortyplus

Everyone knows I'm weird

I do this all the time

really fail to see the problem tbh

Presumably you don't beat your children regularly?

nope

dd2 has tantrums galore however but I don't think that has anything to do with me tapping a chair occasionally

No, but we do play hide and seek.

Thats probably too traumatic a thing for children to play as well.

I'm a terrible parent.

what so you vanish and your children can't find you??

Disgraceful

No, i get them to hide in cupboards for hours on end