Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Views please on MIL's bizarre smacking habit

135 replies

Lovecat · 15/04/2007 12:32

This is probably a poorly-worded title but it's not a situation that's easily summarised.

Let me first and foremost state that I am 100% against smacking. I was smacked as a child and rather than the pain I remember the burning humiliation and sense of injustice it engendered, and I am determined never to do it to my child.

So how would you deal with this?

Whenever dd trips/falls over/wanders into something without looking and bangs her head/hand/leg etc, if MIL happens to be about, she will go over and repeatedly smack the object that dd has banged into and go 'Naughty table/whatever! Naughty to hurt dd!' and tries to encourage dd to give it a smack as well.

Now, while I can kind of see where she's coming from, given that our ethos is 'mummy doesn't hit, daddy doesn't hit, dd doesn't hit either', it flies in the face of everything we're trying to teach her. Plus I think there's something distinctly odd about hitting an inanimate object...

I'm not sure I can say something without it coming over as humourlessly pompous - although I have a very good relationship with MIL and she is excellent with children (she used to work for Barnados in their nurseries and is fantastic with all her GCs), I've never disagreed with her on parenting before because we've always been on the same wavelength, so I'm wary of causing friction over what may seem like a very minor thing.

However, equally I don't want dd to think it's okay to hit out at whatever hurts her (esp, as she's prone to tripping over the cat!).

Worse still, went out with a friend last week and she did exactly the same thing when dd walked into the chairleg! (Naughty Chairleg!!)

Have I lived a sheltered life or something? I've never come across this before and I find it very weird...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

zippitippitoes · 15/04/2007 12:52

just checked this out with dp and he thinks it is quite common too

DaisyMOO · 15/04/2007 12:59

I told the back door step off yesterday for tripping ds3 up I didn't smack it though

Steala · 15/04/2007 13:06

I've had this too. And after a while I bit the bullet and said something. The angle I approached it from was that I didn't want them to go through the pain without it being a learning experience, so I wanted them to try to look where they were going, not to put their fingers in the sides of the door where they would get squashed, not run when it is slippery etc. If we blamed it on the door, floor etc, this would be lost. It seemed to go down quite well. She saw what I was trying to do anyway!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

zippitippitoes · 15/04/2007 13:08

gosh isn't this all taking life incredibly seriously?

Blandmum · 15/04/2007 13:08

I think this thread is quite harmless....honest!

I can just feel it in my water that it will transmogrify into something 'other' in the way that threads sometimes do on MN!

Tamum · 15/04/2007 13:14

I've seen this done loads too and may well have done it with my children once or twice, I also see it as distraction but I'm sure you could explain it in the way you have done on here and she wouldn't take offence. Or you could try saying what cod suggests: " yes ita a pity htta chari tipped over ( then make it into a joke) if i was hte Queen of chairland id make a lwa that chairs had to stay still!" but I wish you luck

suzywong · 15/04/2007 13:18

my MIL does this too

Is yours Chinese too?

MintChocChippyMinton · 15/04/2007 13:19

steala, you have perfectly expressed what i was trying to say!!!

FloatingInTooMuchChocolate · 15/04/2007 13:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nappyaddict · 15/04/2007 13:27

i don't agree with it. as you said it teaches her if something hurts her to hit it. secondly dd will think it is not her fault she wasn't looking where she was going properly and fell over something.

FrannyandZooey · 15/04/2007 13:29

Zippi I don't think it is taking things too seriously, I think attitudes to smacking are a serious thing and this definitely teaches that if something annoys you then the answer is to smack it.

I completely and utterly agree with cod. That was a spot on post cod.

fruitful · 15/04/2007 13:35

The tricky thing about saying

" yes ita a pity htta chari tipped over if i was hte Queen of chairland id make a lwa that chairs had to stay still!"

is pronouncing some of the words. Particularly "hte" and "lwa"

fortyplus · 15/04/2007 13:36

But wouldn't the child have enough sense to know that an inanimate object can't feel pain? Although I think the behaviour is weird, it's not exactly on a par with hitting the dog, is it?

AitchTwoOh · 15/04/2007 13:44

i've seen this done loads by my mother's generation an have never thought of it as particularly odd. but it is, isn't it? what a weird thing to do...

i'd say something, but just say that you don't like smacking full stop and you don't want your child learning to lash out at things that hurt her.

it is a great distraction technique though, i'm sure i remember my mum saying a 'poor chair leg, aaaw, let's check it's okay' sort of thing. which is still a bit freaky, but at least non-violent. maybe you could suggest she does that?

PS cod may already have suggested this, i am finding her particularly illegible today...

Nightynight · 15/04/2007 13:48

teaching a child to blame an inanimate object is barking mad!

and how is the child supposed to distinguish between hitting a chair and hitting another child who has annoyed them???

zippitippitoes · 15/04/2007 13:49

of course a child can distinguish between a chair and a child

Nightynight · 15/04/2007 13:53

If you teach a child to blame whatever annoys them, it is only reasonable to assume that they will carry this habit forward into their relationships with people.

chirpygirl · 15/04/2007 13:55

Oh thank god I am not the only one, I know loads of people that do this, including my MIL, and when I have said that I don't like to encourage her to smack they all say

'but it's a chair'

Yes....so why are YOU smacking it?

Twiglett · 15/04/2007 13:57

I've done it on occasion .. its actually a good distraction sometimes

I'm trying to remember if I've blamed the object or smacked it .. and I think I just blame it ...

our kids go through their early lives surrounded by bears, dogs and cats that talk, big fat teddy bears with tvs in their tummies that live in a place where showers talk to them, 5 little men in a flying saucer

do you really believe they can't distinguish reality from fiction?

parts of this thread is so earnest its amusing

Twiglett · 15/04/2007 13:58

are not is

kittypants · 15/04/2007 13:59

i always find people who do this funny!

zippitippitoes · 15/04/2007 14:00

ah twiglett an ally

ProfYaffle · 15/04/2007 14:04

I remember my Nan doing this when we were kids, is it a northern thing? I think Peter Kay refers to it in one of his videos as well.

chirpygirl · 15/04/2007 14:04

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for 'Oh, silly chair, imagine moving out fo the way' as a distraction thing, I just don't want her to smack things...never mind the fact the first time MIL did it she actually hurt DD's hand by using it to smack the cupboard!

Nightynight · 15/04/2007 14:05

Its well known that the under 7s cant distinguish between reality and fantasy!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6