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Original poster

Referred to SS but not sure why!?

37 replies

averybadday · 12/04/2007 16:39

I got a call from a social worker half an hour ago and he says they need to come and visit us tomorrow. My HV says it is because I don't attend the neonatal clinic enough, and because on home visits she has smelt alcohol in our house. The only reason for this would be us drinking the night before when our kids are in bed, which is frankly our only 'vice'. I haven't been out to a pub for two years now as my kids always come first.
Why are we being persecuted for having a bottle of wine (at most twice a week) in the evenings? And for not attending clinic when, frankly, I have better things to do than spend two hours in a waiting room and then have a useless chat with a HV when I know my babies are healthy and happy.
Both kids are very healthy on the weight/height scale and I spend all day everyday playing with them or taking them out, they are my life, so why am I being accused of not being able to cope?
I am just in tears now, my DH complains enough that I don't keep on top of the housework (though I'm up at 6 to iron his work clothes and make him breakfast everyday)and will really go crazy when I tell him about this.

I don't feel that I've done anything wrong. Can anyone advise/empathise?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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Molesworth · 12/04/2007 16:43

omg

talk about a police state!

really sorry this is happening to you, I am sure the SW will soon realise there's no need for concern

FioFio · 12/04/2007 16:44

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Greenleeves · 12/04/2007 16:45

Bloody interfering incompetent bastards. It wouldn't be so bad if they were actually any use in cases of genuine need.

Sorry this is happening. If I were in your shoes, I would straighten the house up a bit, get a good night's sleep and wake up in fighting mode tomorrow. You know you're not doing anything wrong.

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PeachyChocolateEClair · 12/04/2007 16:50

Bizarre

coz I refererred a Mum who was Pg with 6 others lone mother (dp nowhere to be seen)and in an alcohol induced coma half the day- they visited and refused to follow up, although when she answered the dootr at 9am (you ahd to get her early) she was observed pouring vodka and orange into a J2O bottle.

DH will go amd? Does he go amd a lot? Is that the reason really?

Original poster
averybadday · 12/04/2007 16:51

Thanks guys. Police state indeed! And I am sure this will f up my plans (I have a psychology degree) of becoming a child play counselor once the children are settled in school.
I'm also concerned about what DH will think, I mean, we are a loving and happy household and sloppy housework shouldn't mean immediate SS surely!?
I'm wondering if there is something else behind it, it just seems so ridiculous to me.

OP posts:
Christie · 12/04/2007 16:53

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PeachyChocolateEClair · 12/04/2007 16:57

It would only F up any plans if child goes on CP register. As ime you have to practically kill them to get on there (worked in field) if you know they're OK dont worry.

They are used to hoaxes / over zealous types etc. Igf you genuinely have nothing to hide you'll be OK.

Original poster
averybadday · 12/04/2007 16:59

My DH just called and they have spoken to him, and he is upset, very upset.
I'm so furious now. I had PND with my DD and then stopped taking the medication as I felt I didn't need it, and that my GP was just 'pushing pills' rather than listening/ offering proper advice. It was a good judgement call as I have been fine since and can just imagine them still trying to prescribe them without actually assesing my needs (I have a friend who is on heavy prozac now, and had she had counselling wouldn't need the pills at all)
This is another reason that they have referred me, as I refused medication, which must make me crazy, lol.!?

OP posts:
tinkerbellhadpiles · 12/04/2007 16:59

Believe me the social workers will be just as hacked off as you having to come out 'because parents might have had a drink at some point'.

Your details will be filed about half an hour after the visit under NFA (no further action).

PeachyChocolateEClair · 12/04/2007 17:00

Your Dh felt they were just pushing pills?

What at the time did you feel?

Original poster
averybadday · 12/04/2007 17:08

oh no, I felt he was 'pushing pills'. He was useless. I'd be in and out within two minutes and he didn't ask me a thing.
I got over the PND myself by forcing myself to take the children out for activities every weekday and sending letters and working on renovating our house. I think I had more cabin fever than anything else.
Thing is, attending our crappy clinic was pretty low on my radar of things to do so the HV now claims she feels ,and I quote 'there are issues of avoidance'. FFS I can't avoid when you randomly turn up at my front door!

Thanks anyway for your support and advice, I know when they come tomorrow they will see we are a normal happy family and will hopefully f off, lol.

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Original poster
averybadday · 12/04/2007 17:13

I understand they have their procedures and protocols but I haven't been given a definite reason for this referral. I can't help but think they'd be better off spending time on families with actual problems (i.e substance abuse/ neglect)

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 12/04/2007 17:16

sounds a bit odd to say the least

lots of people don't go to baby clinics

in fact in a lot of areas health visitors are few and far between

and there is no reason why an individual should take medication it is a right to choose not to...it can't be held against you

worrying as it might be as has been said it will be filed as no case

rebelmum1 · 12/04/2007 17:23

Christ if they sent social workers round to every mother who drank and was behind with the housework, they'd have to visit practically every house in the country!

rebelmum1 · 12/04/2007 17:27

This is shocking, I never went to HV.

Original poster
averybadday · 12/04/2007 17:31

Your amazement at this just confounds my suspicions that there is more to it.
I have a nasty MIL (what a cliche hey!?) and I wouldn't put it past her to lie about things, and maybe try to cause trouble for us. Do SS involve other family members or is it just kept to the immediate family?

OP posts:
Kif · 12/04/2007 17:34

me too
a)drink
b) live in a too small pigsty
c) avoid hv.... 8 wks ago she impressed upon me how i must return within 2 wks to see her

zippitippitoes · 12/04/2007 17:36

well it does sound highly dubious

but if they make an official visit then they have to have a reason so you could just decline their offer

otherwise I suspect they have to have a court order

piglit · 12/04/2007 17:38

I got a call from my HV when ds2 was about 3 months (and ds1 was 15 months) to to tell me off for not coming to baby clinic. I told her if she was that worried she could come round to see me. Baby clinic is just awful - hanging around for ages whilst your baby screams the place down only to be told you're baby is fine. I can't believe they'd send SS round for missing baby clinic.

Good luck with it tomorrow. I'm sure you'll be fine.

piglit · 12/04/2007 17:38

Glass of wine anyone?

Original poster
averybadday · 12/04/2007 17:39

Kif I can really empathise with that, I don't know what they expect, but who in their right mind would take two children under 2 to a clinic over a trip to the park/playgroup/swimming?. I think they are hypersensitive these days and it seems like the funding/ training isn't put in the right places.

OP posts:
DaisyMOO · 12/04/2007 17:51

Let us know what happens. I am so on your behalf.

DaphneHarvey · 12/04/2007 18:02

I am absolutely astounded and shocked and horrified by this! I took my DS (now 3.6) to baby clinic once, when he was about 2 weeks old. I burst into tears when I finally got in to have him weighed because I was so frustrated at being kept waiting for over an hour when there was so much I wanted to be doing at home (older DD was on her one day at nursery that day). The hv obv thought I was a candidate for pnd, so arranged to come and see me a week later. The house was probably a mess because it always is and DH and I have always had wine, every single night, except for me when pregnant. She visited and stayed about an hour. I wasn't tearful by then, I wasn't so stressed.

I never took him back to baby clinic and I never got a follow up call from SS, the HV or anyone.

Please post on here what happens. I am beyond speechless. Is someone malicious making false reports about you?

Piffle · 12/04/2007 18:10

your hv reported you??? if you are sure then she must suspect something else or have had someone say something against you?
good luck xx an ex once reported me and sw knew as soon as he walked in all was well
they get drs records, school/nursery records everything checked before they come too

aol · 12/04/2007 18:22

I am an ex health visitor.

You would only have a problem with non attendance at a child health clinic if there were other childcare issues that meant that it had been decided (generally at a formal meeting and always in your presence) that you should attend/be seen with your children at a clinic for x or y reason. Attendance is not compulsory under normal circumstances.

A house "smelling of alcohol" is not in itself a childcare issue. It does not automatically indicate abuse or neglect.

Someone, somewhere has raised concerns (perhaps rung the hv). The hv and thus the ss have a duty of care and have to follow this up.

The social worker should explain exactly what the issues/concerns are tomorrow.

Good luck and stay calm.