Why are women more likely to reduce working hours to parent than men?

[sunshine75]

That's about it really.

I've been thinking about this for a while. I have lots of friends with kids ranging from babies to uni age. Most are married/cohabiting and both have good qualifications.

However, I would say that in 90% of cases it is the woman who gives up work/goes part time when kids come along. Many never return to full-time work (even when the kids go to school/grow up) and the unwritten rule seems to be that they take on the majority share of housework/washing/shopping etc. Even the wealthy couples who have a cleaner/gardener/nanny, it is still the woman who has given up work and sorts out putting the washing away, organising the hired help etc.

I'm feeling a bit 'ranty feminist' this evening and thinking to myself -it's fucking 2017 so why is this till the norm.

Disclaimer - my dh and I both work full time and he more than does his share of household shite and ferrying kids around. However, even in this case it's me who has the overview of what is happening and organises most things. Will it ever change?

I hate the implication that being a SAHM is somehow lesser and we should be working full time to show our worth. It's weird. Obviously if that's what you want then go for it but it's not anti-feminist/backward to want to stay at home and be a parent full time. I'd love to be able to afford to do that for at least a few years.

The whole argument that it's 2017 and things should be 'different' hinges on the same boring old premise that, to be equal, woman should be more like men - working more and bringing money into the home. Men should 'pull their weight' by taking on more home and childcare stuff which again suggests that's the shit side of life that men should do more of. The whole argument simply feeds the current status quo where what's important is earning potential/hours worked over raising your children. It's not revolutionary at all as it continues to place ultimate value on money, employment and productivity. Parenting and all that comes with it remains under-valued and lower status.

Revolutionary would be to understand the value of raising the next generation, of offering support so either parent can take that role if they wish without feeling like they are no longer 'contributing' as a result. How is it feminist to tell woman constantly to be more like men and suggest being with their children is the unenlightened choice? Rather than pushing for women to take on traditionally male roles, let's tip the balance by encouraging men to take more traditionally feminine roles. I'm sure just as there's women who don't want to parent full time, there's men who do want to and can't.

I think it's sad as fuck that DP is out of the house 50 hours a week (despite me also working) and therefore he is missing out. It's a sacrifice he makes because I want to be with them. Not due to socialisation, it's my genuine choice because I want to be with them as much as possible to my very core. Perhaps for some it's that nebulous 'socialisation' but tbh I find that argument quite anti-feminist too, suggesting women don't know their own minds and are entirely at the mercy of society. I'm sure it has some effect but let's also give ourselves a little bit of credit. Men apparently are intelligent enough to consciously shape society to try and keep women down, but women lack insight and intelligence and are therefore at the mercy of these men and unable to resist conforming to expectations?

Women grow children inside themselves, birth them, feed them from their own bodies. They can do this amazing bloody thing and it seems to have very little value - and then when some of them would like to stay close to the humans they grew inside their own bodies, they are of less value as a result. They are being taken for a ride by men who 'get' to go to work everyday

Rant over. To me it's about choice. I choose to work part time because I want to be with my kids. Some women would rather work full time and develop their career, and that's fine too. Some single mums would love to be able to be at home more and work all hours out of necessity. Once upon a time there was no choice, and that was shit for the women who didn't fancy being at home all the time. But the answer isn't to push for all women to get working as much as possible. The answer is to push for it to be possible for the women who want that. And I'd say we're fairly close to that. The biggest outstanding issue is male partners not taking on an equal share when both parties are working the same.

• because I wanted to
• because I’m a control freak
• because I felt a deep crazy desire to spend more time with my kids
• because I felt I was best placed to care for them
• because we could (just) and even though as the main breadwinner (still, even now I’m 1/2 FTE) it would have financially made far more sense for me to continue to work full time I had always said I was paying into the kitty more then to allow me to indulge my instincts/desires to spend more time with my children later.
• because my work life balance wasn’t healthy (it still isn’t now, but in the opposite direction!)
• because I was working myself sick

But mainly and primarily because

• it was my choice and it was what I wanted to do!

Everything @Jenala said

Totally understand why women want to stay at home whilst their children are young but I find it hard to understand why they stay home once their children are at school, particularly secondary school.
If feminism is to truly be universally accepted. If attitudes to women are to change. If men are going to be fully involved in childcare then women have to accept and embrace a full role in the workplace.
I am sure SAHMs can fill their time volunteering and enjoying hobbies but it is playing at having equal responsibility in and for the family.
We can't expect men to change their attitudes to equal parenting , if women refuse to change their attitudes to their own active role in the workplace.

Also, lots of research shows that men want more opportunities to take a full role away the workplace but women don't want to relinquish their desire to stay home.
Ditto that work outside the home is good for women and good for society.
I had friends who never went back to work, even after their children were at secondary school or university. Grown up children don't need mummy still at home during the day.

the lack of childcare options often means that even when in secondary school there is a need for someone to run them around and organize family life.
mine were in fairly high level private sporting activities which meant additional driving around. both at 6am and 6pm till 8-9pm.
I was very fortunate in that as a nurse I had many shift options and was able to maintain employment over the decades.

Jenala, it's not just your DH who is making a sacrifice, your DCs are missing out on more time with their dad. That is really sad.

I can only speak for us, but it was nothing more than I wanted to go part time, but DH did not.

I was (and still am) the main wage earner... so it was a struggle financially when the DC were little. But I just felt the need to be with my babies, and DH did not.

Now they’re older, I work full time as does DH, but I have the career, so DH does a lot more of the housework.

Dh earns 5x as much as I was. Bit of a no brained really. And there's no way I wanted to go back to work and leave ds with someone else. I'll think about returning to work when ds starts reception.

What's really sad is the casual acceptance that most men earn more than their partners with no questioning of why.
Why should the majority of well paid jobs be taken by men?
Why should the majority of underpaid 'carer' jobs be taken by women?

Not sure, but I think it's a good thing! For me anyway. Much prefer life now I only have to go to work 3 days instead of 5. There is much more to life than work!

Same here buck. I'm not massively career or money motivated. Dh is. Suits us!

My DH would love to be at home with the kids but he earns far more than me and always has done