Thanks GetOffTheTableMabel.
I really hope the OP can hear/see what's being said on this thread, as so many people can't, even when it's put very clearly.
For some people, it's easy to get confused between prioritising their own & the children's 'vision of future happiness', and a risk to their children's safety now.
Especially if they don't want to believe there is a risk, and believe the partners tale of persecution, victimhood and innocence, which neatly keeps the dream of future happy families alive.
The vision of a potentially stable and secure happy family becomes a lure that can blind someone to the present reality.
Especially if that person has had unhealthy and difficult relationships in the past.
I have alot of sympathy for this, but when you're faced with a real and present danger to the children, that much longed for dream has to go.
Clinging on to that dream becomes dangerous, especially when the parent ends up convinced that by sticking to the dream means she IS putting the children first.
This is the type of thinking that means someone might feel trapped into staying with an abusive husband/partner, or to leap full speed into a new relationship and skip all the 'getting to know you' stages to get to the 'family all together' happy ending bit.
I totally get it and have so much empathy for anyone going through this. It's really hard to change direction when you've got good reasons to be doing what is essentially an unhealthy pattern of thinking and decision making. Changing tack is tough, but the only real option to put the children first.
Women who manage to get themselves out of this trap are amazing, and very strong, even if they don't feel like it at the time!
But if someone clings to this idea, this fake dream, thats when things become very sad and very risky for the children. Which isn't fair on the poor innocent children, who need their mum to protect them, and make the right decisions to care for them.
I think that's when people can become deaf and blind to what social services are telling them. Of course if someone is so blind to ignore all risks to their children, they also tend to ignore the risk that social services will act. Sleepwalking themselves and their children into disaster. And then they are utterly devastated and also shocked as they've been so stuck in their dream for a happy family, they failed to see what was happening right under their nose.
I have a feeling this happens quite a lot. After all, you don't tend to hear someone say 'yes, they gave me many warnings and I chose not to do the bare minimum to keep my children safe and with me, so after a clear multi stage process my children had to be taken out of a harmful situation I chose to put them in'.
It's tends to be a horrible shock with no warning, out of the blue, and nothing they could do to stop it. I'm sure there's a lot of reasons people say that, but I think some women genuinely believe it, as they've been so sure that chasing the dream at any cost is the 'right' thing to do, and can't understand why ss, and the police (& gps, head teachers and the courts etc) all seem to disagree.
Then they might cling to the man even more, as the only person they have left in their dream of a life filled with love. And sealing their fate as they can't seem to stop and create an environment her children are safe in.
It's a horribly sad cycle. I think it's more sad that it's very predictable.
Op, don't be that person, who sacrifices everything for a fantasy. Be the strong and fabulous woman who puts her children first.