When did you let your baby sleep alone?

[segc94]

I don't mean in their own room all night, I just mean in the evening time after 7pm until we go to bed at about 10/11pm.
My 7week daughter sleeps between this time and wakes up for a feed and then goes back to sleep.
However when she's sleeping downstairs with us she does get disrupted with us talking or if the tv has a loud part.
So I'm wondering is it safe yet to let her sleep in her Moses basket upstairs on her own (with monitors obviously)

Also, what age did you put your baby in there own room?

Video monitors don't help you regulate their breathing. They need your presence for that.

Our son is 19 months he still sleeps with us

They've taken the dummy recommendation out now because it was a small study and found that it only reduced the risk for children who already have a dummy to keep having it.

The breathing regulation is a hypothesis. No one quite knows if it's proven.
What is proven is putting the baby on their back on a firm flat surface with no loose bedding.

And not smoking near or around the baby, or having smoke on your clothes or bedding.

By the way, I live in Switzerland where the SIDS guidelines are almost identical to the UK but they do not include keeping the baby with you at all times for the first 6 months.

The Lullaby Trust still state that dummy use can reduce SIDS risk, although they don't know why. So does the information my HV gave me when DS was born.

What about those who choose to FF, quite rightly, because it works best for them? BF'ing also reduces SIDS risk apparently. Guidelines work best when they suit both baby and parents. My baby got far better sleep upstairs, alone for a short time, than downstairs with us. I balanced this with the minute risk of SIDS and made my own decision.

Hmm, that's just made me look up the German advice since I live here. Seems to be:

Place baby on their back on a flat surface
Use a baby sleeping bag. If you use a blanket (not recommended) tuck under armpits and do feet-to-foot.
In parents' bedroom - most had no time suggestion but a couple of sites suggested for a year, one for 6 months.
Nothing in cot
Air-breathable, firm mattress designed for babies
Not bedsharing
Cool room temp, no hats, etc.
Don't smoke
Recommended to breastfeed
Regular health check ups for baby

The main differences to UK advice I can see are:

The length of time in parents' room, which I highly suspect is cultural, actually, rather than being based on different evidence. Plus it was almost universally worded as being "in the parents' bedroom" rather than "in a room with you", so does not imply daytime sleeps or early evening sleeps.

Regular health check ups and ensuring vaccination - this one is interesting, as I didn't know that vaccination had been shown to reduce SIDS rates. That could be very useful information to share with the UK population actually. I definitely came across scaremongering stuff at the time which linked vaccination to SIDS!

The mattress advice, which I find quite curious. They aren't as keen on the brand new mattress thing although it's recommended, it's not seen as absolutely essential like it is in the UK - I've found a couple of sites which actually refute this particular claim (though they say a new mattress is a good idea, it's not for SIDS prevention reasons). Instead they go with an approach of ensuring that the mattress is well ventilated so open cot styles rather than more closed, solid types and particular materials to make the mattress out of. This is related to fears about CO2 rebreathing, which is one of the theories about why stomach sleeping is dangerous.

Use of sleeping bags. I know they are popular in the UK but they seem to be marketed as essential here.

BTW, UK advice says:

"The safest place for your baby to sleep for the first six months is in a cot in the same room as you." (NHS)
"Place your baby to sleep in a separate cot or Moses basket in the same room as you for the first 6 months, even during the day." (Lullaby Trust)
"Ensuring that infants sleep in the same room as their parents [reduces SIDS]" (Public Health England)

Actually, I hadn't realised they'd added that addendum "even during the day" to the Lullaby Trust recommendations. So it seems that it is official advice in the UK.

Out of interest there was recently a discussion in my local group where an American parent wondered where she could buy a rock-n-play which is what she said all of her friends back home used for their newborns. I'd no idea what this item was but I googled it, and it's basically a rocking crib which is on a slope, so elevated at the head end. It's interesting because the UK and German regulations specify a flat surface yet it seems that it's not considered as important in the US. The US recommendations from CDC, NIHCD and AAP are:

Place baby on their back
Firm surface with no loose bedding
No objects in the cot including bumpers
Room share for at least 6 but preferably 12 months
Breastfeed
Regular health check ups and vaccinations (See that German one again)
No smoking
Don't overheat baby (but no recommended temperature, just "comfortable" - UK and Germany recommend 16-18C.)
Use a dummy (On 2 out of 3 sites)
Don't co sleep ever (much more stringent about this than the other two)
Skin to skin immediately after birth
Don't use breathing monitors or products marketed as reducing SIDS risk

The last one is the most interesting to me. I don't know if it's because products for babies are required to undergo less testing before being sold in North America than Europe.

BertieBotts thanks for your research! The pediatricians in my family practice in the US, which explains why they never said baby must sleep in room with you at all times - which is UK guidance.

both ours stayed downstairs with us until 6 months. I found if they had several feeds in the early evening (while I was watching TV!), they seemed a bit more settled at night. As they got older and could feed more at a time, this led to having longer periods of sleep. We gradually moved the bed time until it was 7pm. It also fit well with me going back to work once they were 6m old.

While I think the recommendations are there for good reasons we went totally against it.

Main reason: if DD would have continued to sleep in our bedroom DH and I wouldn't have gotten any sleep. She was a very noisy and unruly sleeper thanks to colics and silent reflux in the first months and then carrying on for around another 6 years before we found that she managed to sleep more relax.

She wasn't good with noises downstairs so we got her up when she was a couple of weeks old and I left her after a feed and holding her upright for another 30 minutes. She then slept in our room until the first night feed and then the problems started. She would go back to sleep but with lots of straining noises, moving, arching her back. We also found that she wouldn't settle if DH or I kept a low light to read.

The result was that from 5 weeks onwards she was brought into her room after the feed, two doors wide open and we all went back to sleep. When she was around 2 months and outgrew the basket she would go straight into her room after evening feed.

We had it so bad that we couldn't share a hotelroom with her, even staying with my mum or in-laws only worked after DD was sleeping through and was in a deep sleep when we got to bed. When she sleeps hardly anything can wake her up but if you have a child turning and twisting in her bed and waking you up all the time it is not healthy for the parent either.

This may be extreme but I think lots of sleeping problems are related to being in the same room as parents, especially after the newborn phase. I have friends who co-slept with no problems or shared a bedroom long after the 6-months-mark but there are lots of other cases where I heard that sleep problems vanished/got less when the child slept in another room.

The absolute best age to do it is when YOU feel it is better for YOUR child and YOUR family.

Not necessarily Original. I respect that parents have the right to choose what they feel is better for their child and the family as a whole, that different people will do things different ways, and that guidelines are just that - guidelines, not laws.

However plenty of people make ill informed decisions. Maybe because they have done enough research and don't understand the reasons behind the guidelines. Or because that's what their mum did 30 years ago and they "grew up ok" etc. Plenty of poor decisions are made because people are ill informed/haven't given it enough thought/don't know the risks.

It's not as simple as parents always innately know best. There are all sort of avoidable tragedies involving children (blind cords, falling furniture, cot bumpers etc). I know I'm going beyond when to put a baby into its own room.

However, providing the parents are aware of the guidelines, the reasons behind them and have weighed up the risks to reach a decision they are comfortable with - then yes, I agree, do what you feel is best.

Lemon - the problem is lot of the guidelines are being presented as "the law". I agree that research is vital, I had no idea about the blind cords and was terrified as we had them in DD's room so made adjustments to it.

I don't have dc but it is interesting that the idea is the adults breathing will help a baby to regulate his or her own breathing. I wonder if that still applies if the adults have irregular and abnormal breathing such as sleep apnea, or whether in that case the baby would be better off in silence or listening to a recording of normal breathing.

I'm always surprised how strongly some people feel wrt baby not being in a room alone, etc, and yet so many people co-sleep, which is also against SIDS guidelines.

My third was in her own room at 9 weeks which was right at the side of mine simply because her 18m old brother who frequently woke in the night, and wanted to sleep with us woke her up and even though we put the moses basket into the cot, he launched stuff in there at times!

She slept well, the room was small and we had monitors all of the time. Risk with him outweighed the risk of her in her room. She also slept through from 10-4 by then too. (She still likes her sleep!!!)

DS - 10 days old.

DD - 2 weeks old.

I'm a light sleeper and didn't sleep well with their little cute newborn noises right next to me. I was able to tolerate a baby monitor though.

Both kids (5 and 2) are 11/12 hour sleepers and I NEVER have an issue with them in the night.

DS was about 11 months old when he began to settle longer than 5 hours at night. 16 months before he was a full night sleeper. DD was actually 6 months old when she slept through the night. Literally the day she began solid food!

londonloves We have a monitor because we live in a massive house - 3000 square feet! We simply cannot hear DD if she starts to cry and at 2y 7mths she is still in her cotbed (bars up!) so she cannot get out to let us know if she is distressed. TBH we never really need it because I cannot honestly remember when it was 'used'. It's one for my own peace of mind. She's in a cotbed because we don't see a need to remove the bars. She loves her sleep!

We never use it though when at my parents because their house is small enough (3-bed semi) to hear her cry.

My baby is 6 months and I've never had him sleep in a room on his own. No plans to move him out of our room any time soon either. I don't have a need to be apart from him, to me it feels unnatural to think of putting him in a different room at night while he's so young. He doesn't disturb my sleep at all other than when he wants to feed, and I'm fine with that.

Wait, you're not supposed to let babies sleep in a different room even when you're awake in the evening?? Ours had their cribs in our bedroom, which we put them in at 7ish, from about 4 weeks old. We had a video monitor and could see/hear them at all times.

As someone up thread said earlier, I soon worked out that 6.30pm was bedtime for DD as she cried endlessly until we did a little milk/cuddle/bed routine. That was around 4 months. She slept in a crib in our bedroom but once she settled I'd go back downstairs using a monitor and checking on her regularly. We moved her into her own room at just over 5 months as she outgrew her crib and we hadn't room for a cot in our bedroom. She's always been a brilliant sleeper sleeping 12hrs straight and I think the routine from an early age helped this.

Someone asked about co-sleeping. I believe that co-sleeping is only unsafe in certain circumstances, including if you smoke, drink alcohol, or are formula feeding. Otherwise it is perfectly safe and has benefits for breastfeeding and parents getting more sleep.
On the other hand, the advice to never let the baby sleep alone applies to all babies. So the two are not comparable.

lemondrop. If we start from the place that the majority of parents are incapable of raising their own children, that's a sad state of affairs.

Of course some people are less informed, but guess what? We have the lowest SIDS rates than we ever have so I think it is safe to say that the vast majority of parents know what they are doing.

Regardless of guidelines and advice, if a family is not sleeping well when all sharing a room, that is not the best thing for anyone. So, eliminate as many risks as you can and have the baby sleep in their own room. That won't work for others, so they choose their own way.

The point is it makes no difference when my baby was put to bed in their own room in the early evening because our circumstances may well vary greatly from the OPs

Honestly, my opinion of the Lullaby Trust is that their advice is overcautious to the point of being slightly neurotic, and I would take it with a pinch of salt. It's totally understandable as they are a cot death support charity, and (at least originally) made up of parents who have very sadly lost a baby to cot death - I totally get that they would actually want everyone to be overcautious, but I don't know if it's helpful to have this publicised without context. The NHS guidelines are similar but don't specifically say that the baby needs to be with you for all naps.

And YY to co sleeping/room sharing discrepancy. I hold my hands up on that one, it does make me feel a bit nervous to imagine babies sleeping separately from very little, yet am happy to co-sleep. But this is a personal choice and I don't think co-sleeping is safe for everyone. (Plus if I rationalise I can see that sleeping separately especially past 4 months or so isn't really a big deal).

From what I can understand from the evidence available from experts: Co-sleeping isn't thought to be a risk on its own but there are many risk factors associated with co-sleeping (inappropriate bedding, overheating, parents consuming drugs/alcohol, etc) and because it's too complicated to separate these things out, it's safer to have a blanket recommendation against co-sleeping, and in that sense it's totally fair to say that a cot is the safest place for a baby to sleep. Though actually you'll notice that while the guidance says "The safest place for baby to sleep is in a cot in a room with you" it also doesn't say never ever bedshare, it states not to fall asleep on a sofa or chair and not to bedshare after drinking alcohol.

The problem with most of the recommendations is that we don't know exactly why these things are correlated with cot death, we just know that they are, and that's why the guidance is more binary (Doing something vs Not doing something with no nuance). Co-sleeping is one of the better researched ones because it's slightly easier to separate out other factors, but even then it's very difficult because of the nature of bedsharing deaths - suffocation leaves no trace. It's impossible to separate the two out.

The simple fact is that we know babies who room share are less likely to die from SIDS. We have no idea if it's important to stay with them for all sleeps because that is not what the research was looking at, it only references the baby's main sleeping habits for the largest chunk of night time sleep. Hence the more cautious leaning advice tends towards generalising these findings to all sleeps and other advice is ambiguous, leading parents to draw their own conclusions.

We can't know everything and I think it's really up to parents to look at all the information they have and decide what feels right and safe for their family. The saddest fact is that you could do everything "right" and your baby might die anyway, because we don't know what causes SIDS and so there is always a tiny chance, whatever happens.

11 month old is still in with us and I can't see that changing any time soon.