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Original poster

Will I get tutted at if only Dad attends 9 month check?

42 replies

Tiffinronpj · 17/09/2017 18:50

Hi everyone,

My LB is due to have his 9 month check by the HV this Thursday. Apart from the letter stating when they'll be turning up I've had no contact at all from them since the 6 week check.

The thing is I have already returned to work full time mon-fri 9-5 and I can't take time off for this appointment. My husband will however be off work that day so he's said he's fine to just deal with them when they come. As his mother will I not get any raised eyebrows/comments from the HV etc for not being there? My LB is perfectly healthy etc so I have no concerns whatsoever. Has anybody else not attended this appointment?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

2014newme · 17/09/2017 18:51

No of course not

museumum · 17/09/2017 18:53

Nope. Loads of people are sharing care at 9mo and earlier.
My dh did all the vaccination appointments.

OhDearToby · 17/09/2017 18:53

Of course not. What do you think sahd's do?!

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Ecureuil · 17/09/2017 18:59

No of course not. As long as one parent is there it doesn't matter who it is.

scrivette · 17/09/2017 19:07

When DH took DS to his two year check the Health Visitor did comment that she hadn't ever seen a Dad bring a child along but she wasn't being nasty.

CheerfulMuddler · 17/09/2017 20:33

I didn't show up to mine's either. Don't think DH got any comments!

BertrandRussell · 17/09/2017 20:39

No of course not, and even if you did, whoever did it would be a complete areshole.

thatstoast · 17/09/2017 20:40

Probably not if you're back at work. DH took DS to his 4m injections and I got a knock on the door the next day from the HV to make sure I was ok. It felt a bit intrusive but there was nothing explicitly said about it.

Hmmalittlefishy · 17/09/2017 20:43

No it won't matter who attends the appointment as long as they are able to chat about the child's development which surely a dad can.
I imagine if it was a parent (either one) or grandparent etc who turned up but said 'I don't know how they sleep/eat/play' then the health visitor wouldn't be impressed as it would be a waste of time

Andcake · 17/09/2017 20:46

Just think of all those babies with just mum...😀...a parent is a parent imho

DoomGloomAndKaboom · 17/09/2017 20:50

I agree with BertrandRussell - only a tragic, old fashioned, sexist twonk would tut at a dad being there instead of a mum.

AnyFucker · 17/09/2017 20:52

If he has parental responsibily the issue is zero

What century are you living in ?

OhTheRoses · 17/09/2017 21:00

It's extraordinary that you should even be worried about it.

HV's are statutorily obliged to offer their services. Patents are not statutorily obliged to accept them. They just don't share this legal fact.

Mine answered every question with "I don't know, I'm not an experts and gave me a leaflet. She couldn't even iterate what was in the leaflet, she couldn't transfer information to the red book correctly.

I saw her twice with DS. Then said I wanted no further contact. They did phone up and try to persuade me so I made a complaint to the trust about the unhelpfulness. Never bothered me again.

Wrote to them before dd was born and said I wanted no further contact.

They were discourteoys, incompetent and unhelpful.

If I want advice or feel my child has an issue, I'll discuss it with a Dr. DC were reviewed and immunized privately.

They would have absolutely no business complaining if your DH takes your baby. He is also the baby's parent. You shouldn't feel worried about it.

Fruitboxjury · 17/09/2017 21:01

My feeling with all these appts is that it's a complete waste of time both parents being there so as long as one of you is then you're fine.

Last one I went to was dd's 27m group check up where I was sat next to a child whose parents had both (loudly and proudly) taken days off work to attend and show off their parenting skills. Much happy family clapping and singing outside the room was shortly followed by enthusiastic instructions for their DS Lucas to "walk nicely to the tall red door next to the little blue table and pull the shiny red handle to go and see the tall smiley lady" I nearly shouted shiny knob Lucas, she means the pull shiny knob , as little Lucas then stormed into the room, snatched a toy off another child and hit him over the head with it before going off to sit on a small blue shiny chair that he had apparently identified as being his own in the corner. His parents were mortified. I digress, one parent is fine.

AnyFucker · 17/09/2017 21:04

Roses what a load of contrary, paranoid bullshit

OhTheRoses · 17/09/2017 21:04

Group check-up. Super.

Aghaidh · 17/09/2017 21:09

My dh took our son to his 9 month appt. I did get a letter in the post and I think a follow up call from the HV as they also use the session to flag for maternal health/domestic violence etc so they wanted to make sure that I was ok.

OhTheRoses · 17/09/2017 21:09

Would you care to explain further AnyFucker. If I am instructed to attend appointments I expe t the person I am seeing to be expert and able to provide advice based on evidence based research.

Which bit of parents not being statutorily obliged to deal with health visitors (nurses, not doctors) don't you understand? Let alone those nurses having the skill or power to judge if the father attends with the baby.

ScottishDiblet · 17/09/2017 21:16

My DH went to the 9 month check because I was in hospital. It wasn't a problem at all and I just got a summary from DH afterwards. We both went to the 2 year check.

2ndSopranos · 17/09/2017 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhTheRoses · 17/09/2017 21:21

Oh yes, I remember when HV boss told me I should see the HV she said it was so they could see if I was talking to DS enough for him to develop speech! Cheeky.

Emboo19 · 17/09/2017 21:39

My DD's dad took her to baby clinic for her last set of immunisation's. The hv asked where I was, he said 'getting my hair done' (I was) and that I'd said 'he had to have a turn taking her, so DD didn't think it was just me who'd do that to her' (I did say that). She apparently laughed and said 'good on her'. No problems at all that it was dad and not me.

My health visitor is absolutely lovely though and before working as a health visitor (which she had to do a extra course for!) she was a midwife. I think there's certain things that legally they can't give advice on and have to say, go see a GP. I asked about DD's skin and she said she'd say mild eczema but I had to see the doctor. But baby, feeding, sleeping, development etc she's been absolutely fantastic.

I know you didn't ask that second part Op, but so many midwifes/hv seem to get bad press, I like to say how lovely mine is when I can.

KatyN · 17/09/2017 21:51

My dh has taken out daughter to hv checks. The only slight problem was when they wanted to check my mental health (having suggered pre and post natally) but I made a separate appointment for just that when I was available.
He was seen as a bit of a novelty though.

DeadButDelicious · 17/09/2017 22:12

You've just reminded me I haven't heard anything about DD's nine month check. Maybe I should chase that up.

To answer your question though, no, I don't think the dad being there instead of you is an issue. You have to work, he doesn't that day. Simple.

Hmmalittlefishy · 18/09/2017 02:23

deadbutdelicious they are 9-12mth development checks so can be done anytime in that time period. If your baby is close to 12mths I would start to chase it but otherwise it should be fairly soon.

I too had a really good health visitor at dds check.
Of course it's personal choice but I think sometimes all the HV bashing and strong 'you can't legally make me go' is a OTT. It's one of the few universal services for children that there are left that actually tries to support parents before any crisis point.

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