Will I get tutted at if only Dad attends 9 month check?

[Tiffinronpj]

Hi everyone,

My LB is due to have his 9 month check by the HV this Thursday. Apart from the letter stating when they'll be turning up I've had no contact at all from them since the 6 week check.

The thing is I have already returned to work full time mon-fri 9-5 and I can't take time off for this appointment. My husband will however be off work that day so he's said he's fine to just deal with them when they come. As his mother will I not get any raised eyebrows/comments from the HV etc for not being there? My LB is perfectly healthy etc so I have no concerns whatsoever. Has anybody else not attended this appointment?

X

hmmitsalittlefishy I am glad you had a good HV. It isn't a service worth havi g if one doesn't.

Personally I believe it isn't a question of "job you can't make me go" rather one of honesty and I would respect an honest service that sets out the statutory obligations on both sides.

If I ask a question about why I am being instructed to attend a clinic I expect a straight answer. If I ask a question about feeding I expect clarity of information not "I'm not an expert" particularly as the HV instructed me to breast feed and refused to help or support when I had infective mastitis. If I ask a question about immunisation I expect an answer when the HV tells me she is responsible for immunising my baby. She Wasn't, I was.

There are good and bad but when they are bad women should know they do not have to deal with them. If I was going to spend time queuing in a clinic I expected the HV to be able to answer my questions.

DH has done every appointment from 6 months onwards. Because he's a SAHD and that's when I went back to work full time. The appointment is for the CHILD so as long as he or she is there that's all anyone could want, it would be odd to comment on it. (Incidentally my husband has had comments from total strangers in the waiting room along the lines of "ooh a dad bringing little one - that's different, where's your wife?". He's perfected a death stare in response to that.

I've found hv to be helpful and supportive. They are limited in what they can say. They ask clever questions and it's clear that their objective is to stop people slipping through the net, which can end tragically. It's a fantastic service if used properly.

My HV would probably enquire how I am but as she's known me for 10 years I'd expect that.

Those of you having group reviews. Just refuse them. They are a time saving strategy yet actually make a mockery of the review. Those with concerns or struggles are no likely to reach out in a group setting. The more people that refuse group interventions the better. It's masking the staff shortages and putting children at the risk.

Also best you start the shared parenting tasked now. Being the one to always do these tasks just means you get the raw end of the deal.

I must say that no HV ever gave me any sort of useful medical advice, and on several occasions I was struck by their inability to read graphs and accurately record/plot information. However, there were some very kind women there (never met a male one) who clearly cared and wanted to help.

I think that our expectations of HVs (i.e as medical experts on child health) are set way way WAY too high and that those expectations should be managed better by the antenatal care teams.

Back to the op - I agree with everyone else, dad is more than fine!

Back to the op - I agree with everyone else, dad is more than fine!

I quite often have a blood test appointment at the same time as the baby clinic at my surgery and there are always a lot of dads there on their own with their baby. One thing I do notice is that when there are more dads than mums there are fewer buggies in the waiting room! Some mums go to the trouble of taking the buggy out the car just to bring the baby into the surgery. Carpark is right outside the door. It's not the biggest waiting room and it can be a tripping hazard mainly for older people who have appointments.

It's a shame so many of you have had poor experiences of HVs. We have a few odd rogue HV in our team including one acquaintance who when she had her we own baby was so self doubting. However the majority are good and they are trained nurses with an additional 18mth course. Our HV assistant is bloody amazing.

Fintress or perhaps mums ate less likely to have access to a car in the day and so walk to the surgery with the buggy?

It is quite worrying that you think it would be a problem. Not a personal attack on you - just a reflection on attitudes in this country which is prompting you to think it might be a problem.

DH is a SAHD so he's taken the DC to loads more appointments than me. I do occasionally try to fit it round my work/ shifts but that's me going instead of not as well as him. :)

You are equal parents. It's lovely that DH is willingly taking him and you're sharing care

Hmmmalittlefishy Thank you! She's just turned 10 months so plenty of time yet then!

Fintress or perhaps mums ate less likely to have access to a car in the day and so walk to the surgery with the buggy?

No, you can see them from the waiting room unloading buggies from the car and even if they did walk, there is a safe area to park them that the staff are sick of pointing out.

What? Is this even a thing? Whichever parent can takes the kid. End of. What's there to think about?