Mil didn't add boiling water to bottle

[harleysmammy]

I left my 5 month old with my mil today for the first time. Me and my partner went shopping as mil has a broken foot and is house bound for a while so we thought it would be nice for her to have his company. I was nervous and I didn't want to leave him and I felt awful but I trust her obviously, she's my mil. Anyway, she fed him 7 oz whilst we was out and I thought nothing of it. She's had 2 kids I assumed she knew. We got back and my son started grizzling, so she made him another 4 oz. I heard her shaking the powder with the formula but then she came straight back in and gave it too me. It was cold. I then had bad pains in my belly after I realised she hadn't boiled the kettle and hadn't done for the feed that she'd fed him whilst we was out. I didn't say anything but when we left, I told my partner we wouldn't be leaving him again. This is the type of thing I was afraid off. I love my mil and I trust her so much but this is why I didn't want to leave him -not with her, with anyone. He's had about 11-12 ounces with cold water, will he be okay??

I wouldn't stop MIL from seeing the baby! I think that's a bit extreme though understand why you are upset. What I would do I send formula cartons with him in future or hide the powder tub and leave out cartons if she spends time with your baby at yours.

OP I'm sure your baby will be fine. There is a lot of misinformation on this thread though. Powdered formula should always be made up with freshly boiled water which has been left to cool for 20-30 mins. It should not be topped up with tap or cooled boiled water. The made up bottle should be cooled under cold running water and then fed to the baby immediately. Also, bottles etc should always be sterilised when formula is used.

(There may be exceptions for specific brands of formula/circumstances but that would be unusual and the above advice is the safest method)

It would be different if she'd ignored your advice but you didn't actually tell her how to make up a bottle. that was your mistake and it would be awful for you to punish for this without her even knowing why

For a one off, I doubt there will be a problem. We are one of the only countries in the world that recommends using boiling water (and sterilising for that matter). Whilst I would always follow the guidelines for my own child, a five month old is much more robust than a newborn and the neonatal units I have worked in do not follow these instructions as they simply do not have time.

Just tell your MIL all important instructions for when she cares for your child and never assume she will automatically know what your way is.

I think the stomach pain is OP explaining that she feels very anxious and frightened by this whole situation.

OP do speak to your GP or health visitor if you feel that this anxiety is preventing you from doing things like simply talking to your MIL or from leaving the baby with a trusted adult. It's not normal to feel so anxious although it's not uncommon, but you should speak to a medical professional about it.

Did you tell her or did you assume? As for the early replies mumsnet is international the us makes formula up very differently

You left your baby with a lady who has a broken foot?! You should be looking after her not expecting her to look after your child!

Maybe she breastfed her kids?!

You can't be cross at her unless you explicitly asked showed her how to make a bottle.

In future leave ready made milk and pre sterilised bottles for her to use.

Your ds will be absolutely fine

We have always used cold water for our formula for both kids. They are a bit older now and both fine.

Bacteria shpacteria. Build up the immune!

Sounds bit of over reaction given she didn't know and you didn't say. If you had told her and the she didn't listen that one thing but how likely is it she would put him at harm? She probable would be really upset. Maybe ring her later and explain.

Babies don't have immunity to the bacteria in formula so that's a silly comment to make. You may have been lucky that your lo was ok with formula made up with formula but there have been illness/deaths associated with it so best to make it up as instructed

Formula made up with cold water*

I always made up bottles with boiled water that had cooled down. That's what they said to do then. My kids are only 6! They never had any problems as a result.

@dementedpixie UNWEANED babies don't have immunity. Most food eaten by weaned babies have more potentially damaging bacteria than the kind you find in formula.

So i worries you so much that you won't ever let her look after him again, but if I'm understanding correctly you still gave your baby that bottle? You say she fed him 7oz earlier in the day then made this 4oz bottle that you realised was cold and worried you, but then you say he had 11-12oz with cold water so you must have given it to him anyway. Why didn't you just tell her then?

I don't get why this means she can never look after him again, unless you were just looking for some reason not to leave your baby with anyone?
I also agree with the pps who have said you shouldn't have left you baby with her when she has a broken foot!

Slightly wondering why OP isn't commenting

@Nuttynoo I don't think many weaned or unweaned babies will have immunity to Cronobacter sakazakii which is one of the bacterium found in powdered formula. Or how about salmonella? Think they are immune to that too?

Surely you should have left precise instructions and MIL should have asked for them!

I am a DGM and always ask for and get instructions. I remember my DIL's sister saying "oh holdthe doesn't need to be told how to make a bottle up, she's had 5 children" well yes, but all EBF and then onto cow's milk so, actually I'd never made up a bottle of formula and still do it very carefully according to instructions!

You need to give instructions to everyone. As you've seen from this thread many people do it differently and lots don't follow guidelines. Maybe next time leave some readymade formula?

I didn't say anything but when we left, I told my partner we wouldn't be leaving him again

Way OTT and overly dramatic. Your poor MIL

Better hope you are perfect OP and never ever make a mistake.

I would never stop my mil seeing him, but I was already very anxious about leaving him. I did tell her how to make the bottles, she's watched me do it a hundred times and also left a flask of boiling water with the bottles and powder. I'm very close with my mil and am not angry in the slightest, the whole incident had just proved to me that I had a reason to be anxious.

Of course I'm not perfect, far from it but I'm just very careful with things like this because I know the implications. The reason I'm so anxious leaving my son is because when I was younger (in my teens) my grandparents had my younger sister and they had given her water at 2 months because it was a very hot day and that was what they did when my parents were younger. My sister then get severely sick from water intoxication obviously because she was so young and wasn't able to handle the water like an older baby. Ever since I have always been very anxious because I'm scared that similar will happen to my baby.

Also, for whoever said that I shouldn't have left him with my mil because of her foot - she can walk without the boot on for up to 2 hours. We were only gone 45 minutes. I have never left my son before with anyone, for longer than 20 minutes while I have a shower and he is with his dad. Because she hasn't been able to get out of the house/go to work/meet her friends, she asked us if she could mind him whilst we went shopping. Normally I would make an excuse but my partner said yes, so I agreed as I wasn't going to go against him.

I don't think my mil intentionally did it, I think she just forgot. She had made a 5 oz bottle before we left and was feeding him as we was leaving, I'm not sure why she gave him 7 oz in the 45 minutes we was gone because normally he wouldn't be hungry that soon after a bottle but I'm assuming he was tired and crying so she gave him the bottle to soothe him. That's where the 11-12 oz come from as I said earlier. The bottle she made when we got home when I realised she hadn't made it correctly, I didn't give him and we left shortly after so I chucked it out.

It's really just a communication issue. It's not your MILs fault, please don't think you can never trust her.

When I leave mine with parents (only done it 3 times in 10 months) I literally leave a A4 page of instructions. My parents are really good with them and have other older grandchildren but every new child brings new situations and you shouldn't presume they know what needs done.

Just leave cartons next time and then it saves any worries then. Get a few in for unexpected occasions and you'll be golden. In fact you would be totally fine to leave all possibly needed food and drink ready prepared, people wouldn't be offended by that at all.

I understand the worry because of your sister, but 2 month old babies are much more vulnerable and delicate than 5 month olds and your DS is getting older and stronger all the time.

Landy, I also like to have the instructions in writing especially, as you say, as each Grandchild's needs and routines are slightly different, especially when they're little.

Hopefully this can be resolved OP I feel for you and your MIL. It is all about communication isn't it?

DS will be fine, I'm sure.

Although making formula with cold water isn't ideal, the WHO has it listed as a back up option if boiling water isn't available. Now, although that advice is aimed at developing countries, take heart in that they couldn't put it in there at all if it was a deadly danger.

Its not ideal. But he will be fine.

Its a huge over reaction to say she is never having him alone again.