Would you let someone take your child on holiday, if they wouldn't tell you where they were taking them?

[Aimsmum]

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I don't know where my twins are actually at the moment and it doesn't bother me one bit. I haven't asked and I haven't been told. Obviously depends on the people involved.

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No i wouldn't.

Personally I think that children need both their parents and if what you are doing is pushing away her father for something that isn't all that important in the big picture of things, then you are doing your daughter a disservice. Just because your dd hasn't mentioned it doesn't mean that it isn't somewhere inside of her. Either she is thinking....mean daddy didn't take me away, or mean mummy didn't let me go. I don't think either way is good for her.
I watched my dh's ex push him away over and over again for really fairly insignificant things. And now that his children are teenagers they are really messed up in all sorts of ways that are a direct product of their mother not allowing them to have a healthy relationship with their father. His oldest dd on the other hand has a mother who has a different idea of parenting than we do, but who never ever stood in the way of her daughter's relationship with her father. That daughter is a remarkable well adjusted 18 year old now who has grown up being allowed to love both her parents equally regardless of who did the day to day chores of bringing her up.

A, they're 8 (and they did this when they were 6 too - this easter trip) but I think it's a bit different for us. We were married for 19 years. He's a responsible father as much involved with children as I was when we were married as I worked full time and we brought up the 3 older ones together to being teenagers so it's not quite the same as leaving them with a fly by night occasional father who was really only part of a one night stand or a brief fling kind of thing and he's a teacher of 50 who is very sensible and they're with his parents and family too at a hotel somewhere. There are people I could call if I wanted to find out exactly where. And they're back today - only 2 nights.

I want him to have them 50% of the year and he never once has them to stay at his house. Perhaps we always want what we don't have.

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my 4 children spent a week at easter with their father, I didnt know or ask where they were in advance, and they returned filthy, "some time on Friday". (age 3 - 10)

depends what you mean by dont trust. If he is the sort of person who would drive with them while drunk, then dont let them go, of course it is true that children dont need 2 parents at any cost.

But if you mean you cant trust him to provide care to the same standards as you, then you should let them go IMO, because they are his children too. Sorry if that's not what you want to hear - I know that this is a very sensitive subject. Only you really know why you dont want this visit.

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sorry, I did what I hate other people doing to me on mumsnet - sucked more information out of you.
yes I agree, I would try to have shorter visits, and scare him into caring for her better, if possible.
dd1 came back with her hair all matted as well.

Aimsmum, just say no. He sound totally incapable of looking after her, he honestly does.

He sounds like a liability to me. I take back what I said about letting her go.
What an arse.

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I see why you didnt want her to go now.
Too risky

Hope you're having a nice week with your DD and DP. IMO you did the right thing

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