What makes a spoilt child?

[hunkermunker]

Is it possible for a child to have a lot of "stuff" and not be spoilt?

I think so - I see being spoilt as being about lack of consideration for others rather than as being purely material.

Yes in my opinion it is, my dd's have evrything but they dont kick up a fuss if I say no they just accept it. I think if a child understands and respects their things and appreciates them then they cannot be spoiled.

Not the amount of possessions, more a state of mind. If you don't teach consideration, tolearnce or turn taking, if you make other people give in to your DC (more than is reasonable), particularly if you make other children give in to yours because yours is "sensitive", then you're going to make a little self-obsessive monster out of him/her.

That's interesting about "sensitive", Madamez. I am very conscious that DS1 feels things v deeply, and is what you'd term sensitive, so I am also very keen to make sure that people don't give in to him a lot - I try to minimise his distress (because he's only just three), but I don't shield him from the initial upset iyswim.

I think children can be spoiled more with attention & being pandered to than with materialistic things.

The lone children I've Nannied for have shown more spoiled tendencies than those with siblings.

Yes, the "Little King" thing, ST (NOT saying all only children are treated like mini royalty, that would be offensive in the extreme and totally untrue).

yes, it is, but it's more difficult.
just like it is possible to be working class and not chippy

Oh Hunkermunker totally agree not saying all lone children are "little kings" or I'll have hundreds of MN'ers wanting to beat me up!

I have one son and I'm really consious not to spoil him, as I'm aware of how only children are percieved to be "spoilt". It's really hard at times, esp birthdays and xmas, as we have a large family and circle of friends and he usually receives a lot of gifts. However, he always is extremely grateful for these things and writes thankyou notes, and at xmas we always have a sort out of his toys and donate to less fortunate children, so that he realises how lucky he is. I think it really is attitude, not materials, that make for a spoilt child.

you can tell it's late - how many spelling mistakes and lousy grammar in my post!!!

FICF, I do the same as you with my current charge & find myself having to act like another child sometimes just so she gets how it is to not be the centre of the universe because with Mummy & Daddy that's what she is!

I too have only one child and for the very reason that some people (not anyone on this thread!)say only children are spoilt, I am very strict with my dd. That said, she has turned out beautifully and I am very proud. For example when she was only 3, she ws looking at the footballs in Woolies and an old lady said to her 'is mummy going to buy you one' and she said, 'no, because its not my birthday and its not christmas!' Now at 11, she had her bedroom decorated for her birthday in October and when I asked her later what she wanted for xmas she said, 'oh, I thought I wasn't getting a xmas present, because I had my room done!'

She sounds lovely , Princesscc!

That brings me to another question though - if you can afford something and there's no reason for your child not to have it, and they'd love it - should you NOT buy them things just because "they have to learn they can't have everything"?

I was proud of DS1 the other day though - he was given two little matchbox cars and he immediately said "and this one is for DS2"

spoilt is another word for over indulged i think.

i think you can over indulge children to a point where their realms of normality - with regards to material goods and how they are obtained - are skewed

not the childs fault of course.

hunker, my children still do such things - its a lovely feeling to think that they think of heir brother or sisters feelings.

my eldest son has recently found with is disposable income that giving presents gives you much joy.

Yes, admittedly, I'm talking about small things (Take-Along Thomas trains atm - DS1 has rather a lot of them...and more since his birthday!), not enormous toys. He does pick things up in shops and say "take dis home, peez, Mummy?" in a hopeful tone - sometimes I say yes, sometimes I say no. I don't use we'll see (yet!) because I found it very frustrating as a child.

There are plenty of things I could buy for her, but she doesn't get them, just because we can afford it. IMO children should learn that they don't always get what they want, even if its only a couple of quid. I The same thing goes for people who are ruled by what their children want to do. My neighbour is always taking her girls somewhere because they are bored indoors. They go to theme parks, cinema, ball parks, swimming every second of every school holiday. What has happened to just sitting and enjoying each others company, cutting & sticking, colouring, cooking.

Slightly off track but my Aunt was very much spoiled as the youngest of 5 & stayed at home until she was 31, the others all left home by 17 to have Babies.

Her daughter (my youngest cousin) is a lone child & one of thee most spoiled children I've ever met (haircut at Vidal's, new clothes every fortnight), I fear how she'll turn out as she's only 8yo!

Do you think spoiled children turn out to be adults who spoil their own children???

It's about appreciation of things, isn't it?

I read lots of books about children who were pathetically grateful for a marble they'd found under a dead ferret or somesuch level of ridiculousness when I was younger - and I have four memories of getting something I really wanted - twice after pestering but not actually really believing I'd be given that (a soft-bodied doll with a plastic head and Donkey Kong) and twice totally by surprise (two trips to the toy shop, once where I was told I could choose a pencil set and I chose a little one with some skinny pencils in and a padded flower on a string instead of the one that came with a little rubber and a pencil sharpener all in a pink padded case that closed with a magnet, because I couldn't quite believe that I was allowed to choose something nice for myself, and I wouldn't let myself ask for the nicest thing in case it was a joke - I have very nice parents and a warped sense of my own worth - and once when I was a bit older when I was bought a blonde, brunette and a redhead Sindy all on the same day and I thought I had died and gone to heaven) and one other time I've just remembered where I pestered and pestered and pestered for marbles because I was being bullied in the playground for not having any and I couldn't actually tell my mum I was being bullied (because you didn't) but I could feel myself being obnoxious about the depth of my desire for them and it was horrible, but necessary, because if I didn't have them, I'd be tormented the next day and not have anyone to play with.

[hunker pours out her heart]

Crikey, I never realised there were such emotional ishoos for me about material things - no blardy wonder we have a feckload of Thomas trains